廖英

近幾年，高考書面表達(dá)命題形式逐漸由限制型向開放型過(guò)渡，給同學(xué)們提供了更大的發(fā)揮空間。作為開放性作文的一種形式，漫畫作文往往要求同學(xué)們將有豐富寓意的圖畫轉(zhuǎn)變成文字形式。以下讓我們從科學(xué)技術(shù)這個(gè)話題切入來(lái)談?wù)勅绾螛?gòu)思行文此類文章，請(qǐng)看下列話題：

請(qǐng)根據(jù)下面提示，寫一篇短文，詞數(shù)不少于120.

You are discussing the following picture with your friend Jim. Now you are telling him how you understand the picture and what makes you think so.

點(diǎn)撥 漫畫家往往從政治事件或生活現(xiàn)象中取材，通過(guò)夸張、比喻、象征、寓意等手法，表現(xiàn)為幽默、詼諧的畫面，借以諷刺、批評(píng)或歌頌?zāi)承┤撕褪隆９タ舜祟愇恼碌年P(guān)鍵在于仔細(xì)分析、觀察細(xì)節(jié)。通過(guò)仔細(xì)讀圖，我們可以把這幅漫畫概括出以下三個(gè)內(nèi)容要點(diǎn)：祖父的生日聚會(huì)；子孫晚輩都在場(chǎng)卻個(gè)個(gè)為“低頭族”；祖父很失望無(wú)助。這幅漫畫的寓意是：當(dāng)今社會(huì)人們迷戀電子產(chǎn)品，彼此間越來(lái)越冷漠。

把握了寓意后，接下來(lái)就應(yīng)思考如何謀篇布局了。我們大體上可以將文章分為三段。第一段主要是讀圖，即描述漫畫中的信息。第一句話應(yīng)該開門見山地說(shuō)明漫畫中討論的是什么事情，然后進(jìn)一步描述細(xì)節(jié)，點(diǎn)明漫畫的象征意義。第二段是全文的重點(diǎn)，可以具體分析圖畫中折射的社會(huì)現(xiàn)象： 1. 數(shù)碼產(chǎn)品讓人癡迷。2. 過(guò)度沉迷依賴科技產(chǎn)品的后果。同學(xué)們?cè)谔岢鲆粋€(gè)總論點(diǎn)之后，可借助“firstly， secondly， thirdly”等形式提出分支論點(diǎn)，從而讓觀點(diǎn)更清晰具體。第三段是總結(jié)段落，應(yīng)闡明自己的觀點(diǎn)，如平衡科技和生活的關(guān)系。

習(xí)作一

As the picture shown， it is the day that every children should celebrate their grandfathers birthday， also should accompany with their grandfather， while his guys are all lost in playing their ceilphone！ What a ridiculous scene！ This phenomenon should be attached much importance by citizens.

Being too accustomed to their ceilphone， their mental and physical health will be seriously effected. The authentic world of internet couldnt give us the real and accessible comfort and motivation. We are under the control of those machine that has no emotion， no real sense. There is no escaping the fact that playing ceilphone will straightly hurt our eyes and sprain.

Instead of playing the ceilphone while we are available， we should do some energetic and beneficial activity， such as taking exercise， having a reading in a quiet afternoon when you are alone， all of these could also help us remove our attention to the electronic machine and do something meaningful.

點(diǎn)評(píng) 這是一篇中檔習(xí)作。其優(yōu)點(diǎn)是：

1. 作者運(yùn)用了一些高級(jí)詞匯表達(dá)。高考作文中的高級(jí)詞匯主要指的是高中階段所學(xué)的詞匯。也就是說(shuō)作者能夠很好的活學(xué)活用。如：available， accessible， phenomenon， be accustomed to.

2. 語(yǔ)言表達(dá)基本流暢，層次分明。每段都有一個(gè)主題句，觀點(diǎn)明確。

3. 句式多樣，巧用感嘆句，激發(fā)情感上的共鳴，如：what a ridiculous scene！此外作者嘗試運(yùn)用了一些高級(jí)句式表達(dá)，如：there is no escaping the fact that...，以及第一段的it is the day that...這一強(qiáng)調(diào)句型。

不足之處是：

1. 個(gè)別表達(dá)不正確，基本知識(shí)掌握不牢固。拼寫錯(cuò)誤ceilphone，effected，正確形式應(yīng)為cell phone， affected。此外，個(gè)別單復(fù)數(shù)對(duì)應(yīng)不一致，如：every children， those machine， some activity。另外，一些固定短語(yǔ)識(shí)記不清楚，如attach importance to， 作者運(yùn)用過(guò)程中少了個(gè)to。accompany with sb 應(yīng)改為accompany sb。

2. 在嘗試一些高級(jí)表達(dá)過(guò)程中出現(xiàn)了一些錯(cuò)誤，如：being too accustomed to their cell phone， their mental and physical health...，此處系表結(jié)構(gòu)的動(dòng)詞短語(yǔ)在作狀語(yǔ)而非主語(yǔ)，應(yīng)去掉being。As the picture shown應(yīng)改為 as is shown in the picture 或as the picture shows。

3. 第二段內(nèi)容可以再充實(shí)一下，將電子產(chǎn)品帶來(lái)的身體和心理上的危害更加具體化一些。同時(shí)也可以添加一下銜接過(guò)渡詞，如：firstly， secondly，讓觀點(diǎn)更清晰。

習(xí)作二

As is shown in the drawing， at the Grandpas birthday party， the four children as well as their parents are just fixing their eyes on phone screens， leaving the old man sighing alone. What is to blame for spoiling the harmonious atmosphere？ Without doubt， it is peoples addiction to digital products.

With the technology developing rapidly， multifunctional cell phones are being wildly used. We can keep in touch with our friends and comment on current affairs despite the limitation of distance and time. But every coin has two sides. Gradually a controversial question arises-Do these advanced products indeed make our life simpler or happier？ Perhaps not. To begin with， being exposed to the screen for too long will do harm to our health， such as nearsightedness and pain in the neck. Secondly， absorbed in playing with cell phones， we may easily get distracted， which may lead to some safety concern especially when we are crossing the road. Last but not the least， we are so trapped in the virtual world that we may gradually lose the ability to communicate with others face to face

It is high time that we should reflect ourselves. While you are chatting with strangers online， why not set aside some time to talk with your parents？ As technology is created and developed to color our life rather than turn us into separate ones， making proper use of it is of critical importance.

點(diǎn)評(píng) 這是一篇高檔習(xí)作。

1. 本文結(jié)構(gòu)清晰，銜接過(guò)渡自然。作者采用三段體，每個(gè)段落主題突出，各有側(cè)重又緊密聯(lián)系。同時(shí)每段主要采用主題句加支撐句的形式，很好的運(yùn)用了邏輯銜接詞，如：to begin with， secondly， last but not the least， while。

2. 本文詞匯豐富多樣，活學(xué)活用，作者語(yǔ)用意識(shí)強(qiáng)。如高級(jí)表達(dá)controversial； arise； fix...on； be exposed to； be absorbed in； be trapped in； set aside； comment on. 同時(shí)也有一些自己課外積累的表達(dá)，如harmonious， distract， virtual world， be of critical importance。

3. 長(zhǎng)短句結(jié)合，抑揚(yáng)頓挫。以下這些高級(jí)句型可供我們學(xué)習(xí)。

The four children …are just fixing…， leaving the old man sighing alone.（V-ing作狀語(yǔ)）

With the technology developing rapidly…（with復(fù)合結(jié)構(gòu)）

Being exposed to the screen for too long will do…（動(dòng)名詞作主語(yǔ)）

Absorbed in playing with cell phones， we may easily…（V-ed作狀語(yǔ)）

It is high time that we should…（固定句型）

4. 巧用問(wèn)句，頻邀讀者共思考。在寫作技巧上，作者在每段中都和貼切的使用了一個(gè)問(wèn)句，前兩段中采用自問(wèn)自答的形式，清晰表明自己觀點(diǎn)看法。文末的反問(wèn)句則邀請(qǐng)讀者反思自身行為，達(dá)到了文斷意不斷的效果。

拓展 高中英語(yǔ)教材中有不少關(guān)于科學(xué)技術(shù)的話題單元，如人教修訂版必修2 Unit3 Computers，必修5 Life in the future，選修7 Unit2 Robots，選修8 Unit3 Inventors and inventions。同學(xué)們可回歸課本的這些話題來(lái)激活相關(guān)詞匯表達(dá)并打開自己的思維。同時(shí)，著名Ted演講集里面也有關(guān)于此類話題的英語(yǔ)原聲視頻，如Sherry Turkle的Connected， but alone. 相信同學(xué)們觀看后感觸會(huì)更多更深。endprint

相關(guān)詞匯：

digital products/devices數(shù)碼產(chǎn)品

flood the market…涌入市場(chǎng)

sigh and frown 嘆氣和皺眉頭

with a disappointed look 帶著失望的表情

be occupied/engaged/absorbed/busy in忙于做……

kill time打發(fā)時(shí)間

be addicted to 沉溺于；對(duì)……上癮

virtual world虛擬世界

psychological barrier心理隔閡

lack face-to-face communication缺乏面對(duì)面交流

相關(guān)語(yǔ)句：

（1）The drawing depicts/mirrors/reflects a common social phenomenon that...

（2）All the children are holding digital products in hands， each smiling to their ear， leaving the grandpa alone.

（3）With the development of technology， human life has changed tremendously.

（4）Digital products are being widely used in all phrases of society and all works of life.

（5）With the internet， it is convenient and fast for people to get a variety of information.

（6） Not only are we able to connect others whenever we want， but also wandering in the virtual world provides us with temporary comfort in the high-paced modern society.

（7）Despite the convenience of digital devices， there still remain many problems worth paying attention to.

（8）Being addicted to them will bring many negative consequences.

（9）Accustomed to living with them， we are bound to have trouble in distinguishing the virtual world from the real world.

（10）So addicted to technology are we that weve reached a stage where we expect more from technology but less from each other.

（11） Full advantage should be taken of this technology to improve the quality of our life.

（12）However fancy and advanced digital products may become， it should be kept in mind that we should be their masters rather than at the mercy of them.