楊淑玲

When I was very young， I was so shy that I never go out to play with other children.

One day， my uncles son wanted to play football with me， but I was afraid that the ball maybe hit my head. So I refused him. My mother was a little angry. She told me that I must learn to play football because I was a boy， and some day I would be a brave man. Only a brave man can become a useful person. But I didnt believe in myself and I thought I was so① stupid to play football. I was very short and thin. Whats more， I ran so slowly that I couldnt catch the ball. But my mother told me I should believe in myself. She said if I believe② in myself， I must succeed to play③ football. She kept on telling me how to play football. In the football field， she ran about and asked me to run after her.

At first I was slow， but little by little I could control the ball. I ran after the ball round the playground. After half an hour， my mother invited some boys to play football together with us. I believed I could do well， so I was very excited. I tried my best to run after the ball. I was no longer afraid of hitting my head， and I was not nervous any longer. At last I kicked my first goal. My mother cheered me on happily. I was so proud that I felt I was a great man.

From then on， I always believe in myself and I think I must succeed in the future.

山東省汶上縣汶上鎮(zhèn)第二中學(xué)九年級(jí)二班 王紅

點(diǎn)評(píng)

1. 優(yōu)點(diǎn)：

這篇習(xí)作總體上不錯(cuò)，整篇短文語(yǔ)句流暢，敘事有條有理，句子富于變化，能夠使用各種句型增加文章的美感。

2. 需要修改的地方：

① so改為too。與后面的to play 構(gòu)成“too...to...”的結(jié)構(gòu)。

② believe改為believed。此處沒有注意前后時(shí)態(tài)的一致性。主句的謂語(yǔ)動(dòng)詞用了一般過(guò)去時(shí)態(tài)，則從句的時(shí)態(tài)是相應(yīng)的過(guò)去時(shí)。

③ to play改成in playing?！皊ucceed in doing sth.”指的是“成功做某事”。

3. 評(píng)分：

按中考英語(yǔ)作文滿分15的評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，本文修改前可得12分。