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高考英語書信寫作的“5C”原則例析

2018-09-11 04:49:02姜建軍
作文新天地(高中版) 2018年5期
關(guān)鍵詞:邀請信寫信人連貫

姜建軍

自2016年10月浙江省啟動新的高考模式以來,英語學(xué)科試題中寫作部分的第一節(jié)應(yīng)用文連續(xù)三次都是考查書信寫作:2016年10月首考考查了詢問信的寫作;2017年6月和2017年11月均考查了邀請信的寫作。

一、題型特征解讀

書信是傳遞信息、交流情感最常用的方式之一,什么樣的英文書信既能讓收信人準(zhǔn)確地理解寫信人的意圖,又能得體地傳達(dá)情感呢?一般來說,需要遵循“5C”原則,即Completeness,Clarity,Conciseness,Coherence和 Courtesy。

第一,格式要完整(Completeness),書信的格式要完整,即包含稱呼語(salutation)、正文(body)、結(jié)束語(complimentary close)、簽名(signature);作者必須把想要反映的客觀情況充分地、完整地賦之于文本。第二,表述要清楚 (Clarity),書信的內(nèi)容一定要寫得清楚、準(zhǔn)確,其文本意義往往有嚴(yán)格的語境限制,比如確定的時間、地點,確定的對象、范圍,確定的行文目的,確定的上下文關(guān)系等,使讀者的理解能嚴(yán)格按作者鋪設(shè)的意義軌道運行,讓人讀后能明確理解寫信人的目的或意圖。第三,語言要簡潔(Conciseness),力求主旨鮮明、詞決意暢,切忌委婉含蓄、詞微旨遠(yuǎn)等。在人們的工作、生活中,大家都很容易接受簡潔、通順的語言,所以寫書信時應(yīng)該避繁就簡,用簡短的段落、簡短的句子來構(gòu)成一篇簡短易懂的書信。第四,行文要連貫(Coherence),毫無疑問,一篇字面意思連貫且語義連貫的書信才能讓收信人讀起來爽心悅目,才能更好地達(dá)到交際目的,所以,書信的內(nèi)容除了語法、句法正確外,還要合理組織文章結(jié)構(gòu),使其內(nèi)容統(tǒng)一,真正保持書信意義上的連貫。第五,語氣要禮貌(Courtesy),書信應(yīng)寫得得體、有禮貌,同時要樸實,不要使人感到做作、虛偽。

二、高考真題分析

假定你是李華,得知外教Mr. Hall 寒假不回國,想邀請他到你家過春節(jié)。請給他寫一封信,內(nèi)容包括:

1.時間;

2.一同過節(jié)的家人;

3.活動。

注意:

1.詞數(shù)80左右;

2. 可以適當(dāng)增加細(xì)節(jié),以使行文連貫。

(一)答題要點提示

[文體 書信體,要求有書信完整的格式。 結(jié)構(gòu) 發(fā)出邀請→說明事由→說明活動地點和時間→表示期待 內(nèi)容 1. 時間;2. 一同過節(jié)的家人;3. 活動。 語言 這是一封學(xué)生寫給外籍教師的邀請信,遣詞造句要比較正式,說話要客氣有禮貌。 ]

(二)寫作具體要求

1. 內(nèi)容要點

(1)邀請Mr. Hall 過春節(jié);

(2)時間;

(3)一同過節(jié)的家人;

(4)活動。

2. 應(yīng)用詞匯和語法結(jié)構(gòu)的情況

(1)使用與主題相關(guān)的詞匯;

(2)能夠使用恰當(dāng)?shù)恼Z法結(jié)構(gòu)。

3. 上下文的連貫性

按照內(nèi)容要點展開寫作,使用恰當(dāng)?shù)倪B接詞或表達(dá)法使文章內(nèi)容連貫。

(三)參考范文展示

Dear Mr. Hall,

Im writing to invite you to come to my home to celebrate the Spring Festival on January 19. Its traditionally a time for family reunion, so my parents and my brother will all be there. Well make dumplings together and have a big dinner. Well also play card games and watch the Spring Festival Gala on TV. You may even get a gift from my parents. If youre able to come, Ill go and pick you up at your place.

Best,

Li Hua

三、學(xué)生作品點評

[學(xué)生習(xí)作1]

Dear Mr. Hall,

Hearing your schedule to stay in China in the coming winter vacation, Im writing to extend my sincere invitation to you to spend the Spring Festival with my family.

Our family gathering, to be held on the night of February 18th, means cosy reunion for us, including my grandparents, uncles and aunts with their kids. Well have a big feast together, chatting casually. As for activities, setting off fireworks and going to the temple fair never fail to bring laughter. And I suppose the splendid Spring Festival Gala will also be your cup of tea.

Never deprive yourself of such simple pleasures! Looking forward to your early reply.

Yours genuinely,

Li Hua

點評1

這篇習(xí)作結(jié)構(gòu)完整、表達(dá)連貫。邀請信的各個部分之間圍繞邀請老師來家里過春節(jié)這一話題形成了一個語義網(wǎng)絡(luò),與當(dāng)時的情景語境融為一體,完全達(dá)到了預(yù)期的交際目的,體現(xiàn)了信件的完整性原則(Completeness)。正文引入自然,用現(xiàn)在分詞結(jié)構(gòu) “Hearing your schedule to stay in China in the coming winter vacation”作為開頭,自然引出信件的目的和寫信人的意圖:“Im writing to extend my sincere invitation to you to spend the Spring Festival with my family.”合理采用連接詞和語義連貫手段, “As for activities...”和 “And I suppose the splendid Spring Festival Gala will also be your cup of tea”實現(xiàn)了前后句子的銜接,從而保證了上下文的連貫與流暢,體現(xiàn)了書信寫作的連貫性原則(Coherence)。

此外,該信件內(nèi)容要點簡潔而清楚。作者緊緊抓住題目所列出的要點“時間,家人和春節(jié)活動”, 進行次要點的合理拓展。如家人“including my grandparents, uncles and aunts with their kids”;活動包括“big feast, fireworks, the temple fair,the Spring Festival Gala”等,詳略得當(dāng),層次分明。作者使用非謂語動詞短語達(dá)到表達(dá)簡練的目的,如“Our family gathering, to be held on the night of February 18th, means cosy reunion for us ...” 句中用動詞不定式短語“to be held on the night of February 18th”做定語修飾“Our family gathering”,句意表達(dá)完整清晰,簡明扼要,達(dá)到了書信寫作所要求的簡潔(Conciseness)和清楚(Clarity)的原則。

作者在信中用到形容詞“cosy”來形容家庭聚會,用“splendid” 來描述春節(jié)聯(lián)歡晚會“Spring Festival Gala”盛況,用雙重否定表示肯定的意義,增強“肯定能帶來歡聲笑語”的語氣,如 “setting off fireworks and going to the temple fair never fail to bring laughter”“Never deprive yourself of such simple pleasures”等,更顯寫信人的一片邀約真情,遵守了書信寫作的禮貌(Courtesy)原則。

總之,這篇習(xí)作格式正確,覆蓋了所有內(nèi)容要點,結(jié)構(gòu)完整,條理清晰,行文連貫,語言優(yōu)美,誠懇禮貌,親切自然,詞匯豐富,作者表現(xiàn)出了很強的語言運用能力,是一篇不可多得的優(yōu)秀作品,可以進入得分的第五檔。

[學(xué)生習(xí)作2]

Dear Mr. Hall,

As the New Years Eve is around the corner, I heartly invite you to celebrate it with my family. According to the Chinese lunar calendar, the festival will be on 8th Feburary. On that very day, my whole family, including my aunts, uncles, cousins, will come to gather together to enjoy a carefully prepared feast. Additionally, its a Chinese tradition to make dumplings on that evening. Those hand-made dumplings carry the sincere wishes for a better new year.

I would be more than glad if you could join us. You will definitely have a great time and have a taste of the Chinese culture there.

Sincerely,

Li Hua

點評2

這篇習(xí)作較為完整和連貫。邀請信的各個部分之間圍繞邀請老師來家里過春節(jié)這一話題形成了一個語義網(wǎng)絡(luò),與當(dāng)時的情景語境融為一體,達(dá)到了預(yù)期的交際目的。正文引入自然,作者用句子“As the New Years Eve is around the corner”作為開頭,自然引出信件的目的和寫信人的意圖: “I heartily invite you to celebrate it with my family.”作者在信件的結(jié)尾“I would be more than glad if you could join us”表達(dá)希望收信人接受邀請,與信件的開頭形成呼應(yīng)。為了讓行文流暢連貫,作者不但用到了銜接性詞語“According to the Chinese lunar calendar”和“Additionally”,還用到了表示指稱的指示詞that:“On that very day, my whole family, including my aunts, uncles, cousins, will come to gather together to enjoy a carefully prepared feast.” 這句中的that用來回指前文的具體日期,實現(xiàn)了前后句子照應(yīng),從而保證了上下文的連貫與流暢(Coherence)。

這篇習(xí)作遵循行文簡潔(Conciseness)和清楚(Clarity)的原則,開門見山說明自己寫信的意圖:“I heartily invite you to celebrate it with my family.”之后,寫信人緊緊圍繞邀請信的主要內(nèi)容,比如春節(jié)的時間 (on 8th February),一起過節(jié)的家人(my whole family, including my aunts, uncles, cousins),活動(enjoy a carefully prepared feast, make dumplings)等來展開,簡明扼要,信中沒有出現(xiàn)無關(guān)的內(nèi)容和信息,讓收信人對邀請信的意圖和活動的內(nèi)容一目了然,從而能欣然接受對方的邀請。

寫信人在語言上盡量做到禮貌真誠,在邀請信的結(jié)尾處用到了虛擬語氣,使句子更加婉轉(zhuǎn),以示寫信人的禮貌(Courtesy),“I would be more than glad if you could join us.”最后一句用到副詞“definitely”來表示如果受邀請的老師來家里過春節(jié)一定不會失望,言辭懇切,真摯的情感溢于言表。

遺憾的是信件中出現(xiàn)了部分單詞拼寫和表達(dá)錯誤:“heartly”應(yīng)為“heartily”; “Feburary”應(yīng)為“February”;月日的表達(dá)法“on 8th Feburary” 不太妥當(dāng),最好是“the festival will be on February 8th” 或者“the festival will be on the 8th of February”。 根據(jù)綜合分析,這篇習(xí)作可以進入得分的第四檔。

[學(xué)生習(xí)作3]

Dear Mr. Hall,

Exhilarated by the news that you wont go back to your country this winter vacation, Im writing this letter which conveys my deepest wish for you to spare some time at my home to celebrate the spring festival.

Firstly, Id like to inform you its dated in the middle of January. Additionally, my parents as well as my grandparents will be at home. Moreover, we have scheduled several activities including dancing to the music.

I cant wait to get your reply.

Yours,

Li Hua

點評3

這篇習(xí)作信件格式結(jié)構(gòu)完整,有稱呼和正文,有結(jié)尾和簽名。作者也能在選詞造句上考慮到禮貌(Courtesy)而真誠地邀請外教到自己家過春節(jié),如“Id like to inform ...”“I cant wait to get your reply”等等。覆蓋了試題所要求的主要內(nèi)容要點:時間、家人、活動。但是作為應(yīng)用文文體的書信,作者未能做到簡潔(Conciseness),比如第一段就是一個句子,其中包含一個過去分詞短語 “Exhilarated by ...”、一個同位語從句“the news that you wont go back to your country this winter vacation”和一個定語從句“which conveys my deepest wish ...” 顯得冗長而拖沓。可以簡化成“Exhilarated to hear that you wont go back to your country this winter vacation, Im writing to invite you to celebrate the spring festival at my home.”作者未能清楚地交代到底安排了哪些活動,“... we have scheduled several activities including dancing to the music”,此處的活動介紹應(yīng)該更具體一些,況且隨音樂跳舞也不是中國人過春節(jié)常舉行的活動,能成功邀請外教參加的活動應(yīng)是能體現(xiàn)民族特色的活動。行文有些刻意追求上下文銜接,過多而又不恰當(dāng)?shù)厥褂勉暯釉~,如 “Firstly, Additionally, Moreover”,由于前后邏輯并非是并列關(guān)系,此處弄巧成拙,文內(nèi)連貫(Coherence)未能實現(xiàn)。此處建議修改為:“Its dated on January 5th. On that very day my parents as well as my grandparents will be at home. To celebrate the family reunion, we have scheduled several activities ...”

總之,這篇習(xí)作整體而言,基本達(dá)到了預(yù)期的寫作目的,雖漏掉了一些內(nèi)容,但覆蓋了所有主要內(nèi)容。所使用的語法結(jié)構(gòu)和詞匯能滿足任務(wù)的要求,雖有些錯誤,但不影響理解。這篇習(xí)作可以進入得分的第三檔。

[學(xué)生習(xí)作4]

Dear Mr. Hall,

I am writing to invite you to celebrate Spring Festival with my family on account of you will stay during this winter vacation.

Its widely acknowledged that Spring Festival is the most essential part in Chinese daily lives. No matter how busy the business is, we are supposed to crack this hard nut to visit our relatives. With the purpose of enjoying Chinese cultural better, you can celebrate Spring Festival together.

Never hesitate to turn to us, we will pleased for your arrival.

Yours,

Li Hua

點評4

這篇習(xí)作結(jié)構(gòu)是完整的,有稱呼和正文,有結(jié)尾和簽名。開門見山,“I am writing to invite you to celebrate Spring Festival with my family ...” 表明了寫信的目的和意圖。但寫信人想要表達(dá)的內(nèi)容卻沒能充分地賦予文本,正文也就是邀請信的最重要部分未能傳達(dá)清楚,第一句話“Its widely acknowledged that Spring Festival is the most essential part in Chinese daily lives”是議論文文體的語言。信中接下來闡述我們應(yīng)該去看望親戚:“No matter how busy the business is, we are supposed to crack this hard nut to visit our relatives.”再寫一起過春季的重要性是為了更好地欣賞中國的文化,只字未提邀請外教來過春節(jié)的具體安排:時間、過節(jié)的家人、有哪些活動。所以文章信息未能清楚地傳達(dá)給收信人,更談不上有禮貌地邀請對方了。行文缺乏一定的連貫性(Coherence),第二段中的代詞指代不一致,前一句的主語是“we” ,后一句的主語卻是“you”,其中未見任何過渡和銜接。還有些語法錯誤:比如把介詞短語“on account of”作為連詞引導(dǎo)從句“you will stay during this winter vacation”;信中的最后兩句“Never hesitate to turn to us, we will pleased for your arrival”缺乏連接詞,且被動語態(tài)的使用有誤。

總之,這篇習(xí)作未描述清楚一些主要內(nèi)容(缺少Clarity),寫了一些無關(guān)內(nèi)容,有些語法結(jié)構(gòu)的錯誤,內(nèi)容也缺乏連貫性,未能很好地完成邀請外教來自己家過春節(jié)這一試題規(guī)定的任務(wù)。綜合來看,只能進入得分的第二檔。

浙江省高考英語應(yīng)用文寫作連續(xù)三次都是考查書信,所以各種類型的英語書信無疑是備考的重中之重。學(xué)生需要發(fā)展篇章意識、培養(yǎng)英語思維能力,學(xué)會運用“5C”原則,用完整(Completeness)、清楚(Clarity)、簡潔(Conciseness)、連貫(Coherence)和禮貌(Courtesy)的語言寫出達(dá)成試題規(guī)定任務(wù)的書信。

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