文/Aline Toffoli Martins（巴西） 譯/張佳藝

中國，每當(dāng)這個(gè)地方闖入我腦海之時(shí)，都引得我思緒萬千。自我癡迷于中國文化后，在我這個(gè)西方人眼里，中國便時(shí)而充滿異域風(fēng)情，時(shí)而和善親切。這種癡迷到底起源于什么時(shí)候呢？印象太模糊了。但我的父母曾多次告訴我，或許我與中國有前世之緣。坦白講，我不確定自己該不該相信，但無論如何，我喜歡沉浸在到訪過中國的想象中，享受著一些莫名讓我舒適的感受。當(dāng)人們問我為什么如此喜歡中國時(shí)，我總是回答是自小學(xué)習(xí)功夫的緣故。這樣回答更容易些，而且顯然這兩種樂事有一定聯(lián)結(jié)。不過，我相信學(xué)習(xí)功夫其實(shí)并非主要原因。有時(shí)我會(huì)靜心思考其中緣由，意識(shí)到我早已在開始接觸武術(shù)之前便對(duì)中國文化深深癡迷了。

第一次和母親去東方文化博物館時(shí)，我年齡尚小，大概六七歲的樣子。我記得那里展出的畫作、書法作品、服飾和花卉等都十分美麗。不知怎的，我很高興自己能夠置身其中。除此之外，另一件給我留下和中國相關(guān)的特別記憶的是去電影院看了花木蘭的電影。和還是孩子們的表親一起去電影院很開心，可另外讓我欣喜的是花木蘭這一角色的特別。木蘭是一個(gè)無視時(shí)代社會(huì)規(guī)則，只身替父從軍征戰(zhàn)的愛父之女。我想象不出她必須面對(duì)多少恐懼和孤獨(dú)。她在生死存亡的關(guān)頭，生命無法得到保障，甚至還冒著讓全家蒙羞的風(fēng)險(xiǎn)。盡管如此，她仍然守護(hù)著自己的一腔孤勇。最終，她被全國人民視為英雄。影片中有一個(gè)鏡頭讓我至今感慨不已，那就是包括皇帝在內(nèi)的所有人都在向木蘭鞠躬，感謝她拯救了整個(gè)國家。當(dāng)時(shí)當(dāng)下，我深受感染。從那天起，我決定要成為木蘭一樣堅(jiān)毅、勇敢的人。后來，我發(fā)現(xiàn)這部動(dòng)畫電影源于一個(gè)真實(shí)故事。于是，我越發(fā)為了不起的木蘭所鼓舞，甚至對(duì)中國的好奇程度也越來越強(qiáng)烈了。

在此，我要理清向中國思想靠攏的原因。山海相隔，不僅是地理位置遙遠(yuǎn)，思維方式也相距甚遠(yuǎn)。我聽過一種說法：從西方視角來看，中國是人類經(jīng)驗(yàn)的另一極。盡管除中國以外還有一些擁有古老文明甚至更古老文明的國家，如美索不達(dá)米亞、印加帝國等地區(qū)，可它們?nèi)缃褚呀?jīng)滅亡了。中國是唯一一種古文明存續(xù)至今的國家。正因如此，它才能呈現(xiàn)出一種全然的反差，一種在生于地圖之西的我們的眼里極具他異性的反差。

作者在湖北武當(dāng)山練習(xí)武術(shù)（2018年10月）

如果不先談?wù)勎遗c功夫的關(guān)系，我想我的中國故事便無法繼續(xù)講下去。畢竟，正是通過武術(shù)，我才與中國文化建立起了牢固的關(guān)系。11歲時(shí)，朋友告訴我他們已經(jīng)開始在我家附近的教堂大廳里練習(xí)功夫。有一天，我和母親都在車?yán)?，我告訴她我想練習(xí)功夫。她勃然大怒，說功夫是“男孩的事”，所以我不能接觸這項(xiàng)活動(dòng)。我連連爭(zhēng)取了好幾天，直到她說服了自己，同意讓父親陪我去上課，妄想我看到功夫困難又暴力后會(huì)打消念頭。然而，事與愿違，在初次接觸功夫以后，我堅(jiān)信它就是我愿窮極一生走下去的路。這也是直至今天我一直在堅(jiān)持的事。

在巴西教授功夫時(shí)，我對(duì)幾個(gè)學(xué)生視如己出，正如我的師父待我那樣，傳授功夫技巧，也教會(huì)我生活?？梢哉f，我對(duì)生活的理解多和功夫相關(guān)，也因此和中國文化相關(guān)。在巴西，功夫的練習(xí)是以我們熟悉的傳統(tǒng)方式進(jìn)行的，即需要對(duì)中國習(xí)俗與中國傳統(tǒng)文化有深刻的理解。雖然我們的師祖是中國人，但我和同門對(duì)于武術(shù)歷史以及中國歷史的了解除了源自師父的口授以外，更多的則來自我們所觀看的李小龍和成龍的功夫電影。我們對(duì)這個(gè)國度充滿了幻想。正因如此，我決定學(xué)習(xí)漢語。我堅(jiān)信，如果我掌握了漢語，那我不僅可以閱讀更多關(guān)于中國的書、了解更多關(guān)于中國的文化，還能去追本溯源，探究更多關(guān)于武術(shù)的歷史。

開始學(xué)習(xí)漢語給我?guī)砹撕芏鄼C(jī)會(huì)。2015年，我的中國之行夢(mèng)想成真了。但那時(shí)，我反倒有種奇怪的感受。雖然我終于抵達(dá)了從小就夢(mèng)想要去的地方、到了自以為很了解的地方，可當(dāng)時(shí)我仍覺得自己置身在一個(gè)異于腦海中它的模樣的地方。那些穿著中間縫有絲綢盤扣、衣料印有花紋或金龍的舊制服飾的中國人在哪里？那些黃包車和茶館在哪里？那些山川河流在哪里？那些生活在北京舊式建筑中吹笛的人在哪里？而于我更重要的是，功夫在哪里？

那一年，我來到武漢。當(dāng)時(shí)我并不知道這是中國發(fā)展迅猛的城市之一。我從未想過我會(huì)在木蘭的家鄉(xiāng)找到那么多比圣保羅建筑還要高的建筑，也從未想過我會(huì)在地球的另一邊發(fā)現(xiàn)那么多車輛、那么多鳴笛聲、那么多生活方式與我們相似的人。沮喪與興奮交加。起初，我為找不到自己所追求的東西而感到沮喪，但后來，每當(dāng)我對(duì)中國文化的了解多一些，我對(duì)中國的癡迷和好奇也隨之增加一些。畢竟，中國有許多特別的地方有待發(fā)現(xiàn)。不過我的第一次中國之行只是初步了解中國。回到巴西后，我決定再次來到中國，揭開這片神秘土地的面紗。我想，第一次中國之行將會(huì)開啟未來很多次逐漸展開的旅行。

我的第二次中國之行是在經(jīng)歷一種由每日困頓帶來的情感沖突的時(shí)候出現(xiàn)的，這些困難讓我不安又悲傷。于是，我決定帶著沉重的心情，背好行囊，來到中國，在學(xué)習(xí)漢語的明確目標(biāo)之外來尋求一點(diǎn)內(nèi)心的平靜。旅程起初是為期一年的學(xué)校交流，在經(jīng)歷一些波折后，它縮短為半年。后來它又回歸到最初計(jì)劃的那樣——在我童年夢(mèng)想的遙遠(yuǎn)土地上生活一年。在這段旅程中，我經(jīng)歷著很多挑戰(zhàn)。為了在這里生活得更久，我要自己付學(xué)費(fèi)，也要自己賺生活費(fèi)。這絕非易事。但我知道這是次難得的機(jī)會(huì)，讓我可以實(shí)施一個(gè)可以稱之為人生計(jì)劃的項(xiàng)目。這個(gè)人生計(jì)劃是什么呢？其實(shí)就是去理解一種文化。對(duì)我來說，這種文化滿是我自小積累起來的幻想，與來自西方傳統(tǒng)的長于批判的現(xiàn)實(shí)沖擊相融合。

在過去六個(gè)月里，武漢是我的第二故鄉(xiāng)。我就讀于湖北大學(xué)，它所在的武昌區(qū)有很多大學(xué)和博物館，還有一處最聞名的城市明信片式地標(biāo)——黃鶴樓。黃鶴樓建于公元223年，唐代詩人崔顥曾為它精心作詩。當(dāng)時(shí)，黃鶴樓是這座城市的最高點(diǎn)，激發(fā)了詩人、書法家等藝術(shù)家的創(chuàng)作靈感。不難想象，他們?yōu)槭裁磿?huì)在這里迸發(fā)靈感。即使在今天，我們也能在這里感受到春花初綻的淡雅清新，沉醉于空氣中四處彌漫著的甜甜桂花香氣。我們還能聽到灰色喜鵲的啁啾鳴囀，就算在潮濕的冬天，喜鵲們也能在嘈雜的城市中恣意穿梭、努力生存。這里還有湖泊河流，還有和著四處樂聲翩翩起舞的大朵蓮花。正如武漢賦予唐代詩人以靈感一樣，武漢也鼓舞著我在追逐夢(mèng)想的路上一往無前。

除了旖旎的自然風(fēng)光外，武漢深厚的歷史底蘊(yùn)也深深打動(dòng)著我。在中國古代，武漢地處戰(zhàn)國時(shí)期的著名諸侯國楚國境內(nèi)，歷史長達(dá)3500多年！當(dāng)你站在前文提及的黃鶴樓或東湖公園雄偉的磨山山頂上俯視這座城市時(shí)，你怎么也想象不到，在這個(gè)地球上，在幾個(gè)世紀(jì)后我所踏足的這片土地上，發(fā)生過多少場(chǎng)戰(zhàn)爭(zhēng)，又上演過多少場(chǎng)功夫的較量呢？當(dāng)我走在武漢的美景中，為了像古代詩人那樣鼓舞己心，我常常會(huì)想象武漢如今的美景在以前會(huì)是什么樣子。但歷史不僅只存在于遙遠(yuǎn)的過去。著名的武昌起義打響了辛亥革命的第一槍，推翻了漫長的清王朝封建統(tǒng)治，中國迎來了共和。因此，這座城市具有重要的歷史意義。中國人不僅在博物館內(nèi)紀(jì)念這段歷史，更是將對(duì)歷史的保護(hù)融入日常生活中。印有黑字的橫幅裝點(diǎn)著這座城市，讓人時(shí)刻銘記共產(chǎn)黨強(qiáng)有力的存在。沿著武漢街道緩緩前行時(shí)，我一直在思索：這座城市曾見證了多少歷史和戰(zhàn)爭(zhēng)??！

可漢語學(xué)習(xí)呢？如宣傳語“武漢，每天不一樣”所言，有段時(shí)間，我覺得我的漢語水平也日新月異?？善渌麜r(shí)候，我似乎還有很多東西要學(xué)。這并不奇怪。對(duì)于西方人來說，漢語是一門很難學(xué)的語言。我們的語言系統(tǒng)并不存在聲調(diào)，而聲調(diào)在漢語中卻舉足輕重。我敢說這是生存問題。很多個(gè)夜里，我全力以赴地專心學(xué)業(yè)，徹夜未眠。在試錯(cuò)和理解之間，在與那些能像中國人一樣講出中國歷史的人的接觸中，我對(duì)中國產(chǎn)生了更多的了解。在我?guī)е@么優(yōu)秀的中國故事回到巴西之前，我又在這里學(xué)習(xí)、生活了五個(gè)月。

這是迄今為止我的中國故事，字里行間記錄著一個(gè)來華者的經(jīng)歷。最初她的目標(biāo)是學(xué)習(xí)漢語，并與這個(gè)充斥著矛盾的世界碰撞與交鋒?？勺鲆粋€(gè)外國人從來不是一件容易的事，在如此遙遠(yuǎn)的土地上學(xué)習(xí)、生活更是如此?，F(xiàn)在，我將給我未完成的中國故事這樣結(jié)尾：是的！我遇見了木蘭的家鄉(xiāng)！誰能想到，它就在湖北呢！我還去了武當(dāng)山和少林寺，這兩個(gè)曾經(jīng)只存在于我想象中的地方。在漢語中，“中國”的字面意思是中庸之國。神奇的是，老子很久以前就提出“天法道”的理念，人大可以追求“無為”。在我看來，這就是中國人在和平與混亂的交織中所追尋的平衡。由此可知，中國是一個(gè)在極致和諧與井然秩序的平衡中生出自由之花的地方。世上會(huì)有更好的地方可以尋求到內(nèi)心的平靜嗎？我想，沒有。

China.So many things come to my mind when I think of this place, sometimes so exotic to Western eyes, sometimes so close,since I have a special fascination for Chinese culture.I don’t exactly remember when that admiration started but my parents have told me several times that it may have some relationship with past lives.I confess that I am not sure if I believe in it or not, but I like the idea of imagining that somehow, I’ve already been to China,sharing a lot of sensations that for some reason make me feel comfortable.Anyway, when people ask me why I like China so much, I always say that the reason for that is because I’ve been doing Kung Fu since I was a child.I think it’s easier to answer that way, and obviously these two pleasures maintain a relationship, however, I believe that’s not the main reason.Sometimes, when I myself stop to think, I realize I’ve already felt fascinated by this culture before I even started the martial arts way of life.

The first time I went on an Oriental culture museum with my mother I was still very young, I should be about six or seven years old, and I remember to think that all the paintings, calligraphies,clothes and flowers there exposed were very beautiful.For some reason I felt happy to be there.Besides that, I also carry with me another very special memory that is related to this country, which is to have gone to the cinema to watch Mulan’s film.Besides the happiness of going to the cinema accompanied only by my cousins, all of them still children, I was also delighted with that character so special, a woman who for love to her father pretends to be a soldier and, contrary to all social rules of her time, went fighting in the war.I can’t imagine how much fear she had to face and how alone she must have felt, after all, her life was at stake and she was not only risking losing her own life but was also risking to dishonor all her family.But she resisted bravely, and in the end, she was considered a heroine.In the film there was a scene that even today thrills me out, which is when all the Chinese people, including the Emperor, bow in great respect to Mulan and thank her for saving all China.At that time, she inspired me a lot and since that day I decided to be as strong and courageous as Mulan was.Later,I found out that this cartoon story was a real story of a real woman and I was even more inspired by this remarkable person and even more curious about China.

But here I am, rationalizing the reasons why I approach Chinese thinking.Not just geographically far away, but also distant from our way of thinking.I have once heard that from the point of view of the West, China is simply the other pole of human experience and although there have been existed other civilizations so ancient in human history as China or even older than it, such as Mesopotamia, Inca Empire, and others, all these people no longer exist.In this way, China is the only ancient civilization existing until today and for this reason, it can present such a total contrast, represent such a complete alterity to our eyes born in the West of the map.

I feel that there is no way to continue my Chinese history without first speaking a little bit about my relationship with Kung Fu, after all, it was through this martial art that I established strong ties with Chinese culture.When I was 11 years old, my friends told me that they had begun practicing Kung Fu in a church hall very close to my house.One day, when I was in the car with my mom, I told her I wanted to do Kung Fu.She got mad, said that Kung Fu was a “boy thing” and that, therefore, I could not practice this activity.I insisted for days until she convinced herself to let me go with my father to attend a class, with the vain hope of making me give up the idea by seeing that Kung Fu was very difficult and violent, in my mother’s idea.But contrary to my mom wishes, after checking it for the first time, I was sure that Kung Fu was the path I wanted to tread my whole life.And that’s what I’ve been doing so far.

When I am a teacher of Kung Fu in Brazil, I have several students that I consider part of my family, just as I have a special consideration by my Master for everything that he teaches me,not just about fighting techniques, but also about life.So I can say that much of what I know about life is somehow related to Kung Fu and, therefore, to Chinese culture.In Brazil, the practice of Kung Fu is accomplished in a way that we know as traditional, that is, a practice that requires profound understanding of Chinese customs and traditional Chinese culture.But although our Grandmaster was Chinese, much of what I and my brothers and sisters of Kung Fu knew about the history of our martial art and also about the history of China was what we saw in the famous Kung Fu movies of Bruce Lee and Jackie Chan, in addition to the legends our master used to tell us.So,the idea we had of China was still too full of fantasies.And it was for this reason that I decided to study the Chinese language, after all, I believed that if I knew how to speak Chinese,I could not only read more books and learn more about China,but also could go to the source and research more about the history of this martial art.

Starting to study Chinese brought me great opportunities and in 2015 my great dream of traveling to China came true, but at that moment, I had a strange feeling.Although I was in the place I wanted to be since I was a child, although I was in the place where I presumptively thought I knew so much, even so for some reason I was feeling like I was in a place very different from my idea.Where were all those Chinese dressed in the old way, with those clothes with silk buttons pinned in the middle of a coat that could be stamped with flowers or Golden Dragons.Where were all the rickshaw and the tea houses? Where were all the mountains and rivers and all those people playing flutes living in those small community huts in the Beijing old style of construction? And more important for me, where was Kung Fu?

That year, I came to the city of Wuhan and I hardly knew that this was one of the cities that most developed year after year in China.I would never imagine that I would find, in Mulan’s homeland, so many buildings, all very tall, even taller than the buildings of Sao Paulo.I would never imagine finding so many cars, so many horns, so many people in a lifestyle so similar to ours on the other side of the planet! At that time my sensation brought me a mixture of excitement and disappointment.At first, I felt a little disappointed that I did not could find what I was looking for, but then, every time we understand more about Chinese culture, my enchantment and my curiosity increased.After all, China had, in fact, many particularities to be uncovered.But my first trip to China was just an introduction and returning to Brazil, I decided I needed to go back to China and uncover the mysteries of that enigmatic land.I decided that the first trip would be just the first one of many other yet to come.

My second trip to China is a journey that arose at a time when I was experiencing emotional conflicts brought on by day-to-day difficulties that were making me restless and sad about myself.For that reason, I decided to take my bags and my heavy heart and come to China try to find a little bit of inner peace, beyond the clear goal of studying Chinese.The current journey is a school exchange which, at first, would be a one-year trip, but that after long stumps and difficulties became a six-month exchange and now returns to the initial proposal to live in China,so dreamed distant land of my childhood, for a year.I am risking a lot in this endeavor, because to stay here longer I assumed to finance the studies and the cost of life by myself.It won’t be easy, but I understand that’s an essential opportunity for me to carry out a project, that I can call as a life project.What does this life project consist of? Consists in understanding a culture that for me is still so loaded with enchantments built since childhood, merged with a shock of reality taken from the constant exercise of criticality, my Western heritage.

Wuhan has been my hometown in the last six months.I am studying at Hubei University, in Wuchang district, a region where there are also other colleges, museums and one of the most famous postcards of the city, called as Yellow Crane Tower, built in 223 AD and deeply portrayed by Cui Hao poetry,during the Tang dynasty.At that time, the tower was the highest point of the city and many artists, among them poets and calligraphers, felt inspired to create their works there.It is not difficult to imagine why they felt inspired there, after all, even today, we can feel the freshness of the flowers that are open in spring, and realize that the sweetness of osmanthus is everywhere; The chirping of Gray Magpies, even in wet winters,they fly back and forth in the chaos of big cities, completing the daunting task of survival; and there are also the rivers and lakes and along with them the giant lotus flowers that dance with the sound of music that comes from everywhere.And just as Wuhan inspired the poets of the Tang dynasty, it has also inspired me to go after my goals.

Besides all the natural beauty of Wuhan, another aspect that also inspires me is the fact that the city has a very rich history.In ancient China, Wuhan was a city with important historical significance and a cultural cradle in southern China, located in the famous state of Chu, one of the fighting countries in the Warring States period, with more than 3,500 years of history! How could you not imagine, as you saw the city from above, in the top of the already mentioned Yellow Crane Tower or, then, from the top of the imposing Mo Shan mountain, located in Donghu Park, how many battlesand how much Kung Fu-have happened on this earth, on this ground that I am centuries later stepping on.Often, when I walk in these places to inspire myself, just as the ancient poets did, I wonder what the landscape of Wuhan was like so long ago.But history is not only in the distant past, after all, the well-known Wuchang Uprising the first shot of 1911 Revolution, which made the long dynastic period end and introduced the Republic.Thus, the city has an important historical significance that the Chinese people make a point of preserving not only within the museums, but also, in the everyday life, reflected by the various large red bands with black characters that decorate the city from end to end and also remind everyone of the still strong presence of the Communist Party in their daily lives.How much history and how much fighting this land has seen, this is what I’ve been thinking when I walk down the streets of this impressive city.

But what about the Chinese language learning? Like the well-known motto“Wuhan, different every day”, there are days that I feel like my Chinese is better, but in other days, it seems like I still have a lot to learn.It’s not a surprise, coming from such a difficult language for us from the West as is Mandarin.We don’t have a tonal language, but here the tone makes all the difference, a matter of survival I dare to say.In any case, between errors and hits,after many days awake until dawn to be able to deliver the lessons in time and a lot of dedication, I feel that I am increasingly close to understanding a little more about China from the contact with those who can tell its history as anyone else: the Chinese people themselves.And so, I follow studying and staying here for another five months, when I return to Brazil with so many good Chinese stories to tell.

This is my Chinese story so far.Every word recorded here is inhabited by the experiences of someone who came to China with the first goal of learning to speak Chinese-but who never hid that brought with herself ulterior motives and endless intentions-and came across a world of contradictions, after all,being a foreigner was never an easy task, even more in a land so far away.And now I conclude my unfinished Chinese story by saying that: Yes! I met Mulan’s homeland! Right here in Hubei, who would have ever imagined!Also met Wudang and Shaolin Temple, two places that were once only in my imagination.China, in Mandarin, literally means “middle nation”.Curiously, Laozi so long ago said that in the pursuit of the path of life, which he called asDao, it is preferable to remain in the middle and it seems to me that this is what the Chinese people look for, what expresses to me what is this chaotic and at the same time so organized place.Following this thought,China seems to me to be a place where freedom can be found in the perfect harmony and in the order of things.Will there be a better place to find inner peace? I believe not…