浙江 彭文國

【問題導(dǎo)讀】

讀后續(xù)寫是讀寫結(jié)合的題型。它不是獨(dú)立構(gòu)思創(chuàng)作，而是依照原文的思路完成故事的敘述。盡管考試評價(jià)是在寫的層面，但是，決定其質(zhì)量的卻是讀的效果。 只有在對原文有深刻、準(zhǔn)確理解的基礎(chǔ)上，我們才能寫出符合原文主旨、符合原文語言特點(diǎn)、情節(jié)邏輯合理的續(xù)寫。

而讀懂、讀準(zhǔn)原文最關(guān)鍵的因素之一是要理解作者的寫作立意。所謂立意就是作者對原文故事發(fā)展的本意設(shè)計(jì)、結(jié)果期許。 原文的故事架構(gòu)、用詞等都是在此立意上形成的。

準(zhǔn)確理解文章的立意是續(xù)寫的基礎(chǔ)。只有在準(zhǔn)確理解作者寫作立意的前提下，我們才能合理地設(shè)計(jì)續(xù)寫的故事，才能寫出和原故事立意一致、邏輯順暢的文章。 如果不能理解作者的立意，我們就會偏題，即使文字再優(yōu)美、再高級，也沒有實(shí)際意義。 那么， 我們?nèi)绾魏侠硗茢嘧髡叩膶懽髁⒁饽兀?/p>

【名師導(dǎo)學(xué)】

一、根據(jù)原文故事情節(jié)以及續(xù)寫設(shè)題所提供的段首句來判斷作者的立意

記敘文要通過敘述故事來表達(dá)文章的立意。 敘 述 故 事 的 要 素 包 括who、what、where、when、how 等基本的要素， 而其關(guān)鍵因素是人物之間的矛盾沖突。矛盾沖突最終是如何解決的就是文章的立意。因此，掌握文章的立意，首先要搞清原文故事的要素和結(jié)構(gòu)。要根據(jù)故事的發(fā)展脈絡(luò)、 結(jié)構(gòu)和文章中矛盾沖突的展示，尤其是續(xù)寫所提供的段首句暗含的信息來推斷文章的立意。

【例】閱讀下面短文,根據(jù)所給情節(jié)進(jìn)行續(xù)寫，使之構(gòu)成一個(gè)完整的故事。

Early in the morning, the father and the son arrived at the marsh （濕地）.

The family lived off the main village and was near the marsh. Kevin's father would go to the marsh to shoot wild ducks every few days,and most of the time, Kevin would go with his father. The boy would record the beautiful place as well as the lively animals with his camera,which he enjoyed very much. But not this morning. It was the time, as scheduled, that the 14-year-old boy was to have duck shooting.

Actually, he hated duck shooting since his father bought him a gun. But he loved his father,and wanted to make his father pleased, so he didn't tell his father what he really thought. His father taught him to shoot and promised him this trip.

They stopped at their usual place. Kevin put down the camera, sat down and waited anxiously. “You must get ready. Sometimes ducks are on top of you before you know it,” his father said. Kevin took the gun out and prepared it as his father taught him. “I'll let you shoot first,”he said. Then he stopped suddenly, and eyes narrowed. “There is a small group of ducks heading this way now. Keep your head down. I'll give you the order. ”

Kevin's heart was beating wildly. He prayed in his deep heart, “Don't let the ducks come, please.”

But they kept coming. “Four black and one mallard (綠頭鴨),” said his father.

High above, Kevin heard the sound of wings as the ducks went over and began to circle. The mallard was leading; his bright orange feet dropped down, reaching for the water. Closer, closer...

“Get set,” his father whispered.

“Now, shoot! ” said his father in a determined voice.

Kevin felt his body obey. He stood up, his hands holding the gun the way his father had taught him, “Shoot! ” his father said sharply again, but the expected sound didn't come.Kevin's trembling finger didn't move finally.

At the same time, the wild ducks saw the gunners and flew. Up went the mallard, until it flew away.Paragraph 1:

His father asked with apparent anger,“Why didn't you shoot?”___________________

______________________________________

Paragraph 2:

His father was handing the camera to him.

______________________________________

______________________________________

本文的主要情節(jié)：

●原文

爸爸經(jīng)常去濕地打野鴨子，兒子凱文常跟著爸爸去濕地，但他不是去打鴨子，而是用他的相機(jī)記錄美景和可愛的動物。 事實(shí)上，自從父親給凱文買了一支槍后， 他就討厭打野鴨子。 但出于對父親的愛，他對父親隱藏了真實(shí)想法。 在父親的指導(dǎo)下，凱文最終還是沒有勇氣開槍打野鴨子。

●續(xù)寫

續(xù)寫第一段——父親很明顯地帶著生氣的口吻問：“你為什么不開槍？ ”……

續(xù)寫第二段——父親正在給他遞相機(jī)……

本文續(xù)寫要解決的矛盾是：兒子不想打野鴨子， 但是又不愿讓自己的父親不開心，所以很矛盾。

從續(xù)寫第一段的段首句來看，父親對兒子沒有開槍這件事感到很生氣。 根據(jù)文章的立意，續(xù)寫的第一段主要是寫父子之間矛盾沖突的爆發(fā)和解決。 而從續(xù)寫第二段的段首句“父親正在給他遞相機(jī)”來看，父親最后理解了兒子，不但沒有責(zé)備，而且主動把相機(jī)遞給了兒子。因此，第二段主要描寫在解決了矛盾之后，父子之間、人和自然之間的和諧共鳴。

因此，本文的立意就是：熱愛自然，熱愛生命，家人之間要相互理解，相互尊重。

二、用合理的設(shè)計(jì)來表現(xiàn)文章的立意

要想很好地展現(xiàn)文章的立意，就要巧妙地、有效地解決故事中的矛盾沖突。而有效解決矛盾沖突, 首先要靠情節(jié)的設(shè)計(jì)。 情節(jié)的設(shè)計(jì)則需要通過話語、動作、心理、場景的描寫，而這一切都要以文章的立意為中心。 如本文中，父親生氣地質(zhì)問是矛盾的開始。而兒子對父親生氣的質(zhì)問的回應(yīng)要通過語言、動作和心理來描寫，同時(shí)要配合場景的描寫。

●話 語：“They were so cute and lovely,”Kevin said in a low voice, with his lips shaking.

話語陳述了理由，而且為了表現(xiàn)孩子此時(shí)的心理，表現(xiàn)話語可以用相符的動作：in a low voice, his lips shaking 等，表現(xiàn)他緊張和矛盾的心理。

●動作：He sat on the grass,his face buried in his arms and burst into tears.

這是在矛盾心理下，對無可奈何的孩子非常貼切的描述。

●心理：All hope of pleasing father was gone.

此處出現(xiàn)引起矛盾沖突的關(guān)鍵因素，更加明確地描述了孩子的心理。

●場景：For a while,there was only silence.

在上述話語、動作、心理的鋪墊下，矛盾解決有了足夠的理由，用一句場景的描述來展現(xiàn)。

●結(jié)果：Then Kevin felt his father kneel down beside him and pat him on the shoulder gently.

通過以上具有說服力的描寫，最終有了矛盾解決的結(jié)果。 當(dāng)然，此結(jié)果一定要符合文章的立意：熱愛自然，熱愛生命，家人之間要相互理解，相互尊重。如果此處的結(jié)果成為“父親極為生氣，父子之間爆發(fā)爭吵”，這就完全違背了文章的立意。

三、用有效的詞匯和句式結(jié)構(gòu)來增加文章立意的表現(xiàn)力

有了好的故事設(shè)計(jì)后， 還需要合適的、有效的詞匯和句式結(jié)構(gòu)來增加矛盾解決的說服力。在本文中，為了表現(xiàn)孩子的矛盾和無助，用了in a low voice、with his lips shaking 和his face buried in his arms and burst into tears 等表達(dá)來生動地展示孩子的心理活動。在描述父親的動作時(shí)， 可以用kneel down、gently、pat 等表示理解、尊重、安慰等意義的身體動作詞匯。在續(xù)寫第二段的描述中， 為了表現(xiàn)孩子的開心，可以用with a broad smile、held up his camera immediately 和said excitedly 等歡快的詞匯來渲染情感和氣氛。

參考范文：

His father asked with apparent anger,“Why didn't you shoot?” “They were so cute and lovely,” Kevin said in a low voice, with his lips shaking. He sat on the grass, his face buried in his arms and burst into tears. All hope of pleasing father was gone. For a while, there was only silence. Then Kevin felt his father kneel down beside him and pat him on the shoulder gently. Then his father said, “Get ready, boy! ”Feeling some cold metal touching his hand,Kevin looked up.

His father was handing the camera to him.“Here comes another duck,” said his father softly. A beautiful wild duck flew closer, its white breast shining in the sunshine. With a broad smile on his face, Kevin held up his camera immediately. “I got him! ” said Kevin excitedly. His father gave him a thumbs-up.Kevin discovered there was no disappointment in his eyes, only pride and love. “It's okay, son.I love shooting, but that doesn't mean you have to.” Looking at his son affectionately, he said,“Could you teach me how to use that camera?”

【模擬導(dǎo)練】

閱讀下面短文， 根據(jù)所給情節(jié)進(jìn)行續(xù)寫，使之構(gòu)成一個(gè)完整的故事。 特別關(guān)注文章的立意。

Jennifer frowned as she was helping out in the kitchen. Her family had just moved here from San Francisco, which is one thousand kilometers away. Her father had bought a small restaurant weeks ago, which was set to open in the next few days.

“Moving here was a stupid idea. I have lost all my friends in San Francisco. What should I do now?” Jennifer grumbled, mostly to herself.

“What's that?” her mother asked, as she was busy managing all the things in the kitchen.

“Nothing,” Jennifer mumbled. The girl had been complaining about the move, but her parents had made the decision and were too busy getting ready for the grand opening to listen to her complaints.

The first few days at her new school hadn't been easy, either. Jennifer found it hard to talk to people she didn't know, and it seemed like the students hadn't even noticed her. At the breaks, she had no one to talk with, with only the chances to watch others playing and laughing happily. She had been missing her happy life in the old school. But all this was beyond her power. Jennifer sighed and got back to washing dishes.

On the day of the grand opening, Jennifer's parents were all smiles, welcoming customers into the restaurant, brightly decorated in gold and red. Even Jennifer was in a good mood as she rushed around, seating guests, handing out menus, and pouring tall glasses of water. This was a big day for her family.

At one of the tables sat a family with two daughters who were about Jennifer's age. As she passed the table, Jennifer realized the twins were in her class. Jennifer ducked her head down so her long hair covered her face, and she turned away from the table.

Feeling rather embarrassed, Jennifer quickly went back to the kitchen to load the dishwasher.

“Honey, what are you doing back here? We need you out front with the customers,” her mother said to her.

注意：

1. 所續(xù)寫短文的詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150 左右；

2. 續(xù)寫部分分為兩段，每段的開頭語已為你寫好。

Paragraph 1:

“Mom, I don't want to be out there! ”_____

______________________________________

______________________________________

______________________________________

Paragraph 2:

Jennifer put some cookies on a plate and went out of the kitchen.____________________

______________________________________

______________________________________

______________________________________

【立意分析】

本文原文故事的主要內(nèi)容是：詹妮弗一家剛從舊金山搬到一個(gè)新的地方，并開了一家餐廳，但是詹妮弗很不適應(yīng)新的環(huán)境。 她發(fā)現(xiàn)她在學(xué)校很孤獨(dú)。 詹妮弗家的餐廳開業(yè)的那天，詹妮弗也去幫忙，因?yàn)檫@對她的家人來說是個(gè)大日子。結(jié)果詹妮弗看到她班上的同學(xué)和父母來吃飯，她覺得很尷尬，就轉(zhuǎn)身離開了桌子，走進(jìn)了廚房……

本文的立意是：抓住機(jī)會，打破尷尬，獲取同學(xué)的友誼。

因此，續(xù)寫第一段應(yīng)該是講述媽媽開導(dǎo)詹妮弗主動去和同學(xué)打招呼；第二段則應(yīng)該是詹妮弗去見她的同學(xué)后的情景。 根據(jù)文章的立意，第二段同學(xué)相見應(yīng)該是開心、愉快、獲得友誼的結(jié)局。

參考范文：

Paragraph 1:

“Mom, I don't want to be out there! ”Jennifer said in a voice as if pleading with her mother not to let herself face the embarrassing situation. “Why?” her mother asked. “They are my classmates and I don't want to greet them in this situation.” “You shouldn't be afraid,honey.” Mother said that maybe was her chance to make friends with them. Then her mother asked her to get them some cookies. What she said would be a good way to melt the ice between them. Jennifer hesitated and accepted her mother's suggestion.

Paragraph 2:

Jennifer put some cookies on a plate and went out of the kitchen. She served them the cookies, and the twins recognized Jennifer immediately. They greeted her warmly. And they talked a lot about the school life as well as Jennifer's family. It was the first time since she had been here that she had talked to anyone other than her family. Jennifer found that she was accepted. From then on, the twins often came to the restaurant for dinner, and Jennifer became good friends with them.

【評價(jià)導(dǎo)思】

1. 文章立意的合理性：

______________________________________

______________________________________

______________________________________

2. 文章立意的表達(dá)：

______________________________________

______________________________________

______________________________________

3. 語言運(yùn)用的豐富性：

______________________________________

______________________________________

______________________________________