李奕群

養(yǎng)老院的講故事活動迎來了一位特殊的客人，她中風偏癱還患有一定程度的失語癥，可是她卻抓著一個藍色的盒子久久不愿放手……

1?When?I?worked?in?a?nursing?home，?I?learned?the?true?meaning?of?the?national?fund?Blue?Box.?The?Blue?Box?is?not?just?a?container?into?which?coins?are?put.?It?is?the?repository?of?dreams，?prayers?and?efforts?of?generations.?I?learned?this?at?a?storytelling?activity?in?the?nursing?home.?One?day，?to?stimulate?memories?among?the?participants?in?my?group，?I?brought?a?tray?of?objects.?I?set?out?a?pair?of?small?candlesticks，?a?couple?of?seashells，?a?lace?edged?handkerchief，?a?blue?box，?and?other?odds?and?ends?on?the?tray?and?passed?it?around.?The?residents?would?finger?the?objects，?and?then?pass?the?tray?on.?When?their?turn?came，?they?d?share?a?personal?story?that?one?of?the?objects?had?brought?to?mind.

2?That?day，?an?assistant?had?brought?Clara?to?the?group.?Clara?had?suffered?a?stroke?that?left?her?paralyzed?on?one?side?and?somewhat?aphasic：?She?understood?language?but?had?trouble?finding?the?correct?words?when?she?wanted?to?speak.?Storytelling?was?the?most?inappropriate?activity?of?all，?for?it?focused?attention?on?her?language?disability.

3?When?the?tray?went?around?the?room，?Clara?grabbed?the?blue?box?in?her?good?hand?and?held?it?to?her?chest?tightly，?refusing?to?relinquish?it.?Since?no?one?else?took?an?object?off?the?tray，?there?were?complaints?from?the?other?participants.?“Anyone?can?tell?a?story?about?any?object—these?or?any?others，”?I?said.?The?complaints?died?down.?Then?the?stories?began.?One?woman?told?how?the?seashells?reminded?her?of?going?to?the?beach?every?summer?Sunday?as?a?child.?Another?described?the?lacy?handkerchief?she?carried?when?she?fell?in?love?with?a?soldier.?The?next?person?was?Clara，?but?the?person?beyond?her，?knowing?Clara?never?participated?in?a?group，?cleared?her?throat.?Clara?waved?the?blue?box?and?said，?“Mine，?mine.”?Another?old?woman，?a?former?social?worker，?said，?“Clara?wants?to?speak！”?Clara?nodded，?and?the?room?became?silent.

閱讀上面的短文，根據(jù)所給情節(jié)進行續(xù)寫，使之構(gòu)成一個完整的故事。

注意：

1.?所續(xù)寫短文的詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右;

2.?續(xù)寫部分分為兩段，每段的開頭語已為你寫好。

Paragraph?1：

Slowly，?Clara?began?her?story?that?happened?during?the?Great?Depression.

Paragraph?2：

“The?collected?money?helped?offer?shelters?to?many?homeless?people，”?Clara?said?proudly?and?the?room?was?silent.

Step?1 語篇研讀

語篇概要

本文是一篇記敘文，其主題語境為“人與社會”?？死且晃惶厥獾目腿?，她中風偏癱還患有一定程度的失語癥，她參加了養(yǎng)老院的講故事活動，她抓著一個藍色的盒子，想要說出她的故事。全文結(jié)構(gòu)如下：

文本梳理

Step?2 情節(jié)構(gòu)思

根據(jù)續(xù)寫第一段的段首句和續(xù)寫第二段的段首句可知，克拉拉講的是她籌錢幫助經(jīng)濟大蕭條時期無家可歸的人的故事。我們可以預(yù)測，當克拉拉得知經(jīng)濟大蕭條時期無家可歸者的窘境時，她十分擔心，于是她想方設(shè)法地為他們籌錢，幫助他們渡過難關(guān)。推薦表達：ache?for、collect?money?for、bring?those?days?back。

根據(jù)續(xù)寫第一段的段首句，我們可以從以下幾個問題進行推測：

1.?How?did?Clara?tell?the?story？

2.?What?happened?during?the?Great?Depression？

3.?What?s?the?function?of?the?blue?box？

根據(jù)續(xù)寫第二段的段首句，我們可以倒推續(xù)寫第一段的結(jié)尾：

1.?Clara?was?deeply?worried?about?the?homeless?people.

2.?Clara?collected?money?for?the?homeless?people.

根據(jù)續(xù)寫第二段的段首句，我們可以從以下幾個問題進行推測：

1.?How?did?other?participants?feel?when?they?heard?the?story？

2.?What?did?Clara?do?after?telling?the?story？

3.?What?did?people?think?of?Clara?after?listening?to?the?story？

Step?3 語言打磨

原文語言分析

一、語言特色

比喻句的使用使文章更加生動、形象且有文采。

1.?It?is?the?repository?of?dreams，?prayers?and?efforts?of?generations.?（Para.?1）

連貫的動作動詞的使用使文章的細節(jié)描寫更加具體。

2.?When?the?tray?went?around?the?room，?Clara?grabbed?the?blue?box?in?her?good?hand?and?held?it?to?her?chest?tightly，?refusing?to?relinquish?it.?（Para.?3）

二、精彩詞塊

repository?of?dreams?夢想的儲藏室

prayers?and?efforts?of?generations?幾代人的祈望和努力

bring?sth?to?mind?想起;記起

have?trouble?doing?sth?做某事有困難

focus?attention?on?集中注意力于……

grab?sth?in?one?s?hand?把某物抓在手上

die?down?逐漸平息

remind?sb?of?sth?使某人想起某物

participate?in?參加

續(xù)寫語言提升

一、情緒描寫

There?were?complaints?from?the?other?participants.?其他參與者開始抱怨。

The?complaints?died?down.?抱怨逐漸消失。

二、行為描寫

finger?the?objects?觸摸物體

pass?the?tray?on?傳遞托盤

hold?sth?to?one?s?chest?將某物抱在某人的胸前

refuse?to?relinquish?sth?不愿讓出某物

take?an?object?off?the?tray?從托盤里拿走一樣?xùn)|西

clear?one?s?throat?清了清嗓子

wave?the?blue?box?揮舞藍色盒子