陳光偉

在續(xù)寫創(chuàng)作中，考生容易因忽略文章中隱藏的信息，導致續(xù)寫部分融洽度不高。

“契科夫法則”是19世紀俄國作家契科夫短篇小說善用的一種文學技巧，即“在故事早期的某一元素，直到后面才顯現其重要性。換言之，在故事開頭出現過的事物一定會在故事后面展現，否則，它就不應出現?！蓖瑯?，在原文中如果出現作者用一定筆墨描寫的事物，在續(xù)寫中就應該有再次出現的必要。牢記此法則，可幫我們抓住隱含線索，突破讀寫協同的困境。下面我們來看一篇例子：

閱讀下面材料，根據其內容和所給段落開頭語續(xù)寫兩段，使之構成一篇完整的短文。

Growing up， I understood one thing about my dad： He knew everything. This was our relationship： I asked him questions and he told me the answers.

In my teen years， he taught me things I’d need to know to survive in the real world. When I moved out on my own， I called him usually when something broke into my apartment and I needed to know how to fix the toilet， the air-conditioner or the wall.

But then， eventually， I needed him less. For everything， I had Google. I don’t know when it happened， but when I called，our conversations developed into six words. Me：“Hi， Dad”. Him： “Hi， sweets. Here’s Mom.”I loved my dad， of course， but I wondered at times if maybe he had already shared everything I needed to know.

Then， this past summer， I moved in with my parents for three weeks while my house was being repaired. They own a lake house， and Dad asked me to help him rebuild the bulkhead（隔板）at their dock（船塢）.

“How do you know how to build a bulkhead？”

“I spent a summer in college building them on the Jersey shore.”

“You did？”I thought I knew everything about my dad. I knew about the summer at the manufacturing plant that burned his hands raw， and even the tiny little kitchen， where he learned how to make the best pancake. But I never knew this.

“Yes. Now come up here and let me teach you how to use this circulars saw（圓鋸）.”All of a sudden， I realized that maybe it’s not that there’s nothing left to say. Maybe it’s just that I’ve spent my life asking him the wrong questions.

注意：

1. 續(xù)寫詞數應為150左右;

2. 請按如下格式在答題卡的相應位置作答。

We ended up our talking but I was lost in thought. ________

_____________________________________________________

“Wait， Dad，”I said.“How are you？”_________________

_____________________________________________________

語篇解讀

作者小時候一直認為父親無所不知，有什么問題都向父親尋求幫助。長大后，作者覺得自己已經很了解父親了，并且有問題可以從網絡上搜索，以至于慢慢地，和父親沒有什么話可說了。然后，在剛剛過去的這個夏天，作者搬去和自己的父母住了三個星期。作者的父親讓作者幫他重建碼頭的隔板。續(xù)寫部分分為兩段，第一段開頭是：我們結束了談話，但我陷入了沉思，所以應該寫作者重新審視自己對父親是否真的了解，發(fā)現一直以來自己只是從父親那里獲得問題的答案，從未試圖真正去了解父親的生活。本段應詳細描寫作者內心的想法。第二段開頭是：“等等，爸爸”，我說，“你好嗎？”本段應該寫那天作者和父親聊了很多，作者發(fā)現自己想和父親說話，這是一個全新的開始。

考生習作

We ended up our talking but I was lost in thought. How much on earth did I know about this man in front of me？ I stared into Dad， reading his modest expression， reading his wrinkles imprinted by age， together with untold stories.“You listening？”Dad’s gentle voice dragged me back to reality. I nodded. Then with acquaintance， he displayed me the usage of the saw and gave me detailed instructions， which to a large extent amazed me. It was at this moment that he accidentally hurt his finger. With beads of blood dropping， he continued his work as if nothing had happened.

“Wait， Dad，”I said.“How are you？”Looking up， Dad noticed my worry and smiled. He went to grasp some soil near the lake and covered them around the injured finger. Before long， it miraculously stopped bleeding. I wowed in awe， which marked the beginning of our further communication. When building the bulkhead， Dad shared with me his arduous life journey and countless skills and knowledge he boasted. On finishing rebuilding，I was lost in thought again. I always ask questions centering myself instead of Dad. I blamed myself now for not knowing him well. It’s time for me to ask the“right”questions.

教師點評

該作品中，主題、人物形象的設計都沒有問題;情節(jié)方面，考生未能準確理解“How are you？”這一問候語（與Are you all right？混淆），設計了父親受傷這一情節(jié)，此處需改進。結尾處It’s time for me to ask the “right”questions與原文最后一句Maybe it’s just that I’ve spent my life asking him the wrong questions形成照應，也是亮點之一。整體來說，該作品用詞準確，句型結構多樣化，語流通暢，體現了考生較好的語言素養(yǎng)。

但如果利用“契科夫法則”審視考生續(xù)寫，不難發(fā)現原文中幾處較明顯的伏筆，考生作品并沒有體現，如Me：“Hi， Dad”. Him：“Hi， sweets. Here’s Mom.”這個第三段提到的場面卻在后面的文章中只字未提，根據“契科夫法則”，前有因必定后有果，我們可以在續(xù)寫第一段的結尾將打電話這一情景元素融入進去。作者與父親通電話，父親按往常想把電話轉給母親，這與第二段的“Wait， Dad，”I said.能較好地銜接起來。那如何設置一個打電話的場景呢？可以增加作者已經搬回去這一情節(jié)，這與原文的I moved in with my parents for three weeks while my house was being repaired也能形成呼應，并且“How are you？”的問候也更符合這個情景。具體表達見作文范例的劃線部分。

作文范例

We ended up our talking but I was lost in thought. For years， I had taken it for granted that dad could give me answers to any of my questions only if I asked， but seldom did I try to understand his life just like the summer when he was building bulkhead and what he wanted from me. Maybe he was also eager to share his story with me， or he wouldn’t have asked me to help him rebuild the bulkhead. After all， it was hard， manual labor. A few weeks later， after I moved back into my house， I called my parents. Dad answered.“Hi， sweets，”he said.“Here’s Mom.”

“Wait， Dad，”I said. “How are you？”We talked a lot that day， from the little quarrel between him and my mom to the job he was working on. Nothing important. To anyone else， it would sound like a normal conversation between a dad and his daughter. But to me， it was novel， as well as to my dad. I sensed his voice with excitement and delight. It was a whole new beginning. I spent the first part of my life needing to talk to my dad. Now I talk to him because I want to.

責任編輯 蔣小青