My mother is a forty-year-old farmer with short black hair. She’s good atplanting vegetables and feeding chickens. She likes watching TV in her sparetime.

My father leaves home for work to support my family， so my mother has tolook after our big family at home. Every day， although she’s the first to get upand the last to sleep， but淤she never complains. Last week， she was so tired thatshe had a bad fever. I thought I had to go to school without breakfast. But to mysurprised于， when I got up， I found my mother was cooking breakfast for me. I wasmoved to tears. She gives all her love to our family.

I’m proud in盂my mother， so I decide to study harder in return and I willalso help my mother do some housework.

優(yōu)點(diǎn)：

小作者對(duì)母親的介紹非常到位，突出了母親對(duì)家庭的無私付出。多個(gè)銜接詞的應(yīng)用增強(qiáng)了文章的可讀性。

需要修改的地方院

①去掉but。表示轉(zhuǎn)折時(shí)，although 不能與but 同時(shí)出現(xiàn)在一句話中。

②surprised 改為surprise。to one’s surprise 意為“令某人吃驚的是”。

③in 改為of。be proud of...意為“以……為驕傲”。

評(píng)分院

按江蘇省連云港市中考英語作文滿分25 分的評(píng)分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，本文修改前可得22分。