by Kate Auletta

I dont know why this bothers me so much， being called“maam注.” I am， after all， 30， pregnant[懷孕] and happen to have some laugh lines that could be construed[理解] as wrinkles[皺紋].

It happened recently on the subway coming home from work. The subways were packed[擁擠的] because train service was down courtesy of[承蒙某人的好意] Hurricane Sandy . There I stood， holding onto the pole， balancing my growing tummy， my bag and my awesome game of Tetris[俄羅斯方塊] on my iPhone.

A man， no more than 40， sat reading his newspaper， occasionally glancing up at me clearly having that internal monologue[獨(dú)白] wherein[在那里] he debated with himself whether I was， in fact， pregnant and therefore he should give up his seat， or just fat. A few stops went by， and a woman sitting in front of me offered me her seat. I politely declined[拒絕]， thinking how good it felt to stand up after sitting all day.

And then it happened. A shrill[刺耳的]， 20-something voice broke the silence as the train clacked[喀噠聲響] over the bridge. “Maam？” she said. I didnt respond， thinking she couldnt possibly be talking to me. “Maam？” the young woman likely born in the 1990s said again.“Would you like to sit down？”

I was too stunned[感到驚訝] to respond. This kind young woman， who looked to be quietly doing her homework， was calling me maam. Has it really come to this？ After realizing the silence， I quickly said， “No， Im fine， but thank you.”

I spent the rest of the train ride feeling—what？—uncertain， definitely unhappy and maybe even a little bit sad.

While Im under no false pretenses[欺詐] that Im a spring chicken[（俚語）年輕人]， I still consider myself to be in my post-graduate years. In fact， I planned to remain in my postgraduate years for quite a long time. Have those times come and gone？ Am I now relegated[淪落] to the role of being someones mother， even though I wont literally be for a few more months？ I still bristle[憤怒] ever-soslightly when someone calls me a woman rather than a girl （whole other loaded issue， I know）.

Am I overreacting？ Did a stranger on the subway see me—a pregnant woman—and automatically[自動(dòng)地] call me maam just out of courtesy？ Possibly.

In reflecting on the moment a few weeks later， I think what jarred[動(dòng)搖] me most about my maaming wasnt just that a younger woman acknowledged my post-graduate status in public. Maybe what really got me was that she recognized that Ive moved on to the next phase of my life—before I could admit it to myself.

我不知道為什么被喚作“大媽”這件事會(huì)令我如此困擾。畢竟，我才30歲，懷有身孕，臉上偶爾有些可以被認(rèn)為是皺紋的笑紋。

這事兒最近發(fā)生在地鐵上，我下班回家途中。因?yàn)檫@是桑迪颶風(fēng)期間依然運(yùn)行服務(wù)的列車，所以車上擠滿了人。我就站在那里，抓著吊桿，維持著我那日漸膨脹的肚子、手提包與蘋果手機(jī)里超棒的俄羅斯方塊游戲之間的平衡。

一個(gè)不到四十歲的男人，正坐著看報(bào)紙，間或抬眼看看我，顯然在心里糾結(jié)著我是真的懷孕了，他該讓座，還是只是肥胖。幾個(gè)遲疑瞬間過后，坐在我前面的一個(gè)女士給我讓座。我禮貌地拒絕了，想著坐了一整天后站一下，感覺很好。

然后事情發(fā)生了。一個(gè)刺耳的、二十多歲的年輕嗓音在列車噼啪作響地過橋時(shí)打破了沉默。“大媽？”她說。我沒有回應(yīng)，認(rèn)為她叫的不可能是我。“大媽？”那個(gè)很可能是9 0后的年輕女子再次說道?！澳灰聛恚俊?/p>

我震驚到無法回應(yīng)她。這個(gè)看起來正在安靜做作業(yè)的善良的年輕女子，叫我大媽！怎么會(huì)這樣？在意識(shí)到（周圍的）沉默后，我馬上回答：“不用了，我這樣很好，但還是謝謝你。”

在之后的乘車時(shí)間里，我一直沉浸在復(fù)雜的感覺中——什么？——不敢相信，很不開心，也許還有點(diǎn)難過。

當(dāng)然我并不是巧立名目地假裝自己是個(gè)年輕少女，但我仍認(rèn)為自己還處于讀研的歲月中。事實(shí)上，我計(jì)劃在很長的一段時(shí)間里保持讀研時(shí)的狀態(tài)。那些歲月已經(jīng)離我遠(yuǎn)去了嗎？即使在幾個(gè)月后我就成為某個(gè)人的母親，但現(xiàn)在我就要進(jìn)入這個(gè)角色了嗎？現(xiàn)在，我還是會(huì)因?yàn)楸粏咀髋硕皇桥⒆痈械叫┰S生氣（完全是另一個(gè)沉重的話題，我知道）。

是我反應(yīng)過度了嗎？一個(gè)陌生人在地鐵里看到我——一個(gè)懷孕的女人——不經(jīng)思索地叫我大媽只是出于禮貌嗎？也許是吧。

幾周后，在我反復(fù)思考那個(gè)瞬間之時(shí)，我想到這個(gè)大媽稱號(hào)最刺激我的并不只是因?yàn)槟莻€(gè)比我年輕一點(diǎn)的女人公開道破了我的研究生身份。真正令我生氣的也許是她認(rèn)為我已經(jīng)進(jìn)入了人生的下一個(gè)階段——而我自己還沒承認(rèn)這一點(diǎn)。