幽默句樂

The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment， he said， "Come up to the fifth floor and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open， push with your foot."

"Why use my elbow and foot？"

"Well， gosh，" The miser answered， "You're not coming empty-handed， are you？"

一個(gè)聲名狼藉的小氣鬼終于決定要請(qǐng)一次客了。他在向一個(gè)朋友解釋怎么找到他家時(shí)說：“你上到五樓，用你的胳膊肘按門鈴。門開了后，再用你的腳把門推開?！?/p>

“為什么我要用我的肘和腳呢？”

“天哪！”吝嗇鬼回答，“你總不會(huì)空著手來吧？”

Policeman： Why didn't you shout for help when you were robbed of your watch？

Man： If I had opened my mouth， they'd have found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse.

警察：有人搶你的手表時(shí)，你為什么不呼救呢？

男子：要是我張口的話，他們就會(huì)發(fā)現(xiàn)我的四顆金牙。那就更糟了。

A woman walks up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch.

"I couldn't help noticing how happy you look，" she says. "What's your secret for a long， happy life？"

"I smoke three packs a day， drink a case of whiskey a week， eat fatty foods and never， ever exercise."

"Wow， that's amazing，" says the woman. "How old are you？"

"Twenty-six."

一位女士走向坐在門廊的椅子上搖動(dòng)的小老頭。

“我無意中發(fā)現(xiàn)，你是多么幸福?！蹦桥空f，“你幸福而長(zhǎng)壽的秘密是什么？”

“我每天抽三包煙，每周喝一箱威士忌，吃高脂肪食品，而且從來不曾鍛煉?！?/p>

“哦，真神奇！”女士說，“你高壽？”

“26。”

趣味英語（Delightful English）

如何地道表達(dá)：形形色色的人

1.一根筋兒one track-minded.

別跟他較勁了。他一根筋，你還不知道？

Stop reasoning with him. Dont you know he is one track-minded？

2.出眾的人a lulu

要說漂亮，我們公司新來的秘書可算是個(gè)相貌出眾的女孩子了。

Talking about being pretty， our companys new secretary is indeed a lulu.

3.兩面派two-faced

我知道怎樣對(duì)付兩面派，而且一眼就能看出誰是一貫兩面討好的人。

I know how to handle two-faced people and can even tell at the first glance who are in the habit of running with the hare and hunting with the hounds.

4.傻大個(gè)兒a lummox

聽說那個(gè)傻大個(gè)兒把他們公司的買賣搞得一團(tuán)糟。

It is said that the lummox has loused up their companys whole business.

5.不三不四的人riff-raffs

老張的家里總來些不三不四的人，可想而知老張不是什么好東西。

There are always riff-raffs hanging around in LaoZhangs home， which gives you the feeling that Lao Zhang is not a good guy.

6.受氣包兒a doormat

她天生就是個(gè)受氣包兒，什么事都不敢說個(gè)不字

Shes a born doormat， afraid of going against anything.

7.面無表情的人a deadpan

和那些面無表情的人在一起工作真讓人憋氣。

You feel choked to work with those deadpans.

典藏（All Time Classics）

Fog

The fog comes

on little cat feet.

It sits looking

over harbor and city

on silent haunches

and then moves on.

霧

霧來了，

踩著小貓的腳步。

它坐在那兒俯瞰

海港和城市，

靜靜地蹲著

然后向前移動(dòng)。

簡(jiǎn)介：卡爾·桑德堡（Carl Sandburg， 1878～1967），美國中西部詩人的卓越代表。在他的詩歌中，人民的喜怒哀樂，都市的熙攘煩囂，鄉(xiāng)村的旖旎風(fēng)光，都得到了現(xiàn)實(shí)主義的表現(xiàn)。在這首《霧》中，詩人刻意賦予霧以生命，“踩”“坐”“蹲”“移”，栩栩如生地把霧的形象展現(xiàn)于畫面之中，由動(dòng)而靜，再由靜而動(dòng)，動(dòng)靜相宜，情趣盎然。endprint