段信忠 張春梅

A.高考英語(yǔ)圖畫類作文命題——2015北卷

假設(shè)你是紅星中學(xué)高三學(xué)生李華。請(qǐng)根據(jù)以下四幅圖的先后順序，介紹在“傳統(tǒng)文化進(jìn)校園”活動(dòng)中，向面人藝術(shù)家學(xué)習(xí)捏面人的過(guò)程，并以“A Day with a Craftsman”為題，給?？坝⒄Z(yǔ)角”寫一篇英文稿件。

注意：詞數(shù)不少于60。

提示詞：一個(gè)面團(tuán)a piece of dough

面人dough figurine

B.運(yùn)愿三個(gè)分?jǐn)?shù)檔次的學(xué)生習(xí)作

閱卷點(diǎn)評(píng)：

這是一篇典型的不及格高考作文，其中的錯(cuò)誤也具有普遍性，主要問(wèn)題如下：

1.語(yǔ)法錯(cuò)誤，受漢語(yǔ)表達(dá)影響嚴(yán)重。包括：時(shí)態(tài)混亂（本文是記敘文，應(yīng)該用過(guò)去時(shí)，但此文句子謂語(yǔ)動(dòng)詞幾乎都是原型，用了過(guò)去時(shí)的也變形錯(cuò)誤如tryed）；冠詞亂用（old前面應(yīng)該用an，classroom是特指，前面應(yīng)該有the）；代詞錯(cuò)誤（ourself）；名詞單復(fù)數(shù)錯(cuò)誤（activity）；句子結(jié)構(gòu)不完整（can前面沒(méi)有主語(yǔ)）；動(dòng)詞不定式錯(cuò)誤（making應(yīng)為make）等。

2.要點(diǎn)不全，詞數(shù)不夠?？忌鷰缀跏窃跍愒~數(shù)，勉強(qiáng)達(dá)到詞數(shù)最低要求?？忌磮D不仔細(xì)，忽略了不少重要細(xì)節(jié)，如“仔細(xì)觀察藝術(shù)家做面人”“面人藝術(shù)家指導(dǎo)做面人”“把作品擺放在桌子上與藝術(shù)家合影留念”等。

3.表達(dá)膚淺、干澀無(wú)味、不連貫、缺乏邏輯性。句子之間鮮有邏輯連詞，類似于初一、二甚至小學(xué)生寫的英語(yǔ)流水賬作文。

4.沒(méi)有按照要點(diǎn)進(jìn)行適當(dāng)分段，缺乏層次性，不能讓人對(duì)內(nèi)容一目了然。高考閱卷時(shí)間緊、任務(wù)重，閱卷老師最不喜歡這種一鍋粥似的作文。

總之，該考生基礎(chǔ)較差，缺乏基本的英語(yǔ)思維，觀察不細(xì)致，沒(méi)有完成寫作任務(wù)要求，不修改前滿分20分的作文應(yīng)該在8-11分之間。

b.及格作文

Last Friday， an old craftsman was invited to our class to teach us how to make dough figurines，which was aimed at promoting the Chinese culture.

When the craftsman came into the class， we gave him a warm welcome. Two boys carried his tool box behind him. Then he started to show us in the detail how to make figurines. All of us watched attentively in order to remember all the procedures. Later on， we tried to do it ourselves with his patient help. We made small animals like pigs， dogs and birds with dough， all of which looked vivid.

Two hours had passed before we knew it At last，we succeeded in making our own dough figurines.We took photos with the craftsman. We were allexcited because we had a better understanding of our own traditional culture.

閱卷點(diǎn)評(píng)：

這篇作文雖然出現(xiàn)錯(cuò)誤，但是要點(diǎn)基本齊全、內(nèi)容較為完整，因而是一篇比較合格的作文。具體分析如下：

1.亮點(diǎn)?？忌軌虬凑找c(diǎn)內(nèi)容合理分段，用一些簡(jiǎn)單的詞語(yǔ)、句式或語(yǔ)法結(jié)構(gòu)。如be aimed at，promote/attentively have a better understanding of something等。

2.語(yǔ)法及表達(dá)錯(cuò)誤。定語(yǔ)從句，個(gè)別短語(yǔ)如in detail/ with ones help；句型如succeed in doing；系動(dòng)詞look后面跟形容詞等。這說(shuō)明考生有一定英語(yǔ)表達(dá)基礎(chǔ)與英語(yǔ)思維，但是不夠準(zhǔn)確全面。

綜合以上分析，這篇總分為20分的短文可得12-14分。

c.高分作文

Early in the morning， an old craftsman entered our class， followed by two boys from our class bringing a large box. While clapping our hands， we all wondered what it was that it contained.

Shortly after he sat down， the craftsman opened the box， took out some tools and materi-als and began to show us how to make a dough figurine. It was very kind of him to explain every step to us. So careful and curious were we that we quickly became fond of it. Then we started to make our own dough figurines， and meanwhile the craftsman kept giving us instructions with patience.

An hour later， we all finished our own pieces， including a panda， a spacecraft， and many others，and laughter of excitement and achievement filled the classroom. We thanked the craftsman a lot and took a group photo with him.

From this experience，l learned that it was important that we protect our traditional culture.What a meaningful day it was！

閱卷點(diǎn)評(píng)：

這篇作文要點(diǎn)齊全、捕寫細(xì)致、重點(diǎn)突出、層次分明、句式多樣、亮點(diǎn)頻出、語(yǔ)言地道、自然流暢，可謂酣暢淋漓、一氣呵成！充分說(shuō)明該考生具備相當(dāng)高的英語(yǔ)思維能力與深厚的語(yǔ)言知識(shí)積累，這樣一篇佳作得滿分是當(dāng)之無(wú)愧的。作文主要亮點(diǎn)如下：

1.運(yùn)用了非謂語(yǔ)動(dòng)詞（如followed by two boys from our class bringing a large box），虛擬語(yǔ)氣（…it is important that we protect our traditional culture），狀語(yǔ)從句（Shortly after he sat down），名詞性從句和強(qiáng)調(diào)句型（...we all wondered what it was that it contained），倒裝句（So careful and curious were we that we quickly became fond of doing it），感嘆句（What a meaningful day it was?。┑取?/p>

2.使用了高級(jí)詞匯（如meanwhile，achievement），經(jīng)典句型（lt was very kind of him to...），固定短語(yǔ)如became fond of，kept giving等。

C.高考圖畫、漫畫類寫作高分要訣

高考圖畫、漫畫類寫作題目一般由一至四副諷刺幽默、哲理或敘事漫畫組成，如2015年福建卷是一副“鑿壁偷光”的漫畫，2015年上海卷給出三副關(guān)于“讀書(shū)節(jié)”的漫畫，讓學(xué)生任選一副寫作。

圖畫、漫畫類寫作要求考生通過(guò)捕述畫面，揭示其中所蘊(yùn)含的寓意，并適當(dāng)聯(lián)系現(xiàn)實(shí)生活，從而達(dá)到諷刺某種現(xiàn)象、教育或啟發(fā)人們的目的。需要明確的是，這類作文所揭示的主題即寓意一般只有一個(gè)，拋開(kāi)這一主題就等于跑題，這是圖畫、漫畫類寫作的關(guān)鍵所在。

圖畫、漫畫類寫作“四步法”

第一步：仔細(xì)觀察、捕捉畫面細(xì)節(jié)，確定表達(dá)要點(diǎn)。要注意每個(gè)畫面中人物的形體、表情、動(dòng)作等，揣摩立意，合理想象，揣測(cè)人物的內(nèi)心活動(dòng)。觀察周圍環(huán)境，確定事件發(fā)生的時(shí)間、地點(diǎn)等，

第二步：根據(jù)題目要求及圖片內(nèi)容確定文章人稱、時(shí)態(tài)等，用簡(jiǎn)單的句子寫出每幅圖畫的主題句即提綱。

第三步：連句成篇。美化、擴(kuò)展剛才的簡(jiǎn)單主題句，根據(jù)需要增添復(fù)雜語(yǔ)法、句式等等，利用表示轉(zhuǎn)折、因果、選擇等關(guān)系的連詞，使句子、段落之間銜接自然。

第四步：檢查有無(wú)語(yǔ)法及書(shū)寫錯(cuò)誤等。

D.圖畫、漫畫類寫作常用句型《僅供參考）：

開(kāi)頭常用句型 ：This is a picture about.../In the picture we can see.../From the picture it can be seen that.../We can learn from the picture that.../The picture shows that...

過(guò)渡常用句型：The picture sets me thinking deeply.../After seeing the picture， I was greatly shocked by.../This sight reminds me of something in my life...

結(jié)尾常用句型 ：From this experience， I learned that.../We can draw a conclusion that.../The story tells us that.../The story teaches us a lesson that.../In my opinion.../As the proverb says...