文/Mike Xie 譯/丁禮元 繪/也圓

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陌生人，我想和你說會(huì)話，怎么辦

文/Mike Xie 譯/丁禮元 繪/也圓

All I could manage to do is ask "how are you， how are things？" which makes things awkward. Please help. I want to improve my networking skills. When I talk to a stranger it feels uncomfortable and anxious. Does this happens with you too？ Please suggest some ways to overcome this， to have a good network.

Don't be afraid to be curious.

And especially don't be afraid to tread off the beaten path.

When you meet people face to face， you get so much partial information just from looking at them and assessing①assess ［?'ses］ vt.對（財(cái)產(chǎn)、收入等）進(jìn)行估價(jià)（作為征稅根據(jù)），（為征稅）估定（財(cái)產(chǎn)）的價(jià)值，估定（收入）的金額，評估，把……定值：The lawyers assessed the property at $35，000。律師們估計(jì)這筆財(cái)產(chǎn)價(jià)值35 000美元。them in the first 5 to 10 seconds.

So instead of asking generic questions and most likely getting generic responses because most people aren't in love with their job or where they live or where they went to school， why not ask them something contextually②contextual 英 ［k?n'tekstj??l］ 美 ［k?n't?kst?u?l］ adj. 上下文的；前后關(guān)系的Use any contextual clues available to you to begin to understand what you hear.利用任何能找到的上下文的線索來理解你所聽到的。sensitive that actually interests you right then and there？ That's what children do. They don't think too hard. They just chase whatever butterfly catches their interest.

For example， I went to my friend's apartment to hang out， and I met his roommate. Out of habit of course I asked him what he did， and he said he programmed at Google.

Ok. Cool. But I don't particularly care. I can ask him about that anytime. Also I already knew a couple of engineers at Google.

However， in his room he had dozens of posters of anime girls.

The first lesson about asking interesting questions young padawan： don't make any assumptions③assumption 英 ［?'s?m（p）?（?）n］ 美 ［?'s?mp??n］ n. 假定；設(shè)想；擔(dān)任；采取He based his assumption of her guilt on the fact that she had no alibi.他以她不在犯罪現(xiàn)場的事實(shí)為根據(jù)做出她犯罪的假定。and make them as open as possible.

Questions I could have asked：

Do you like anime？ （This is bad because the answer space is yes/no which kind of backfires and starts awkwardly if the answer is no or not really.）

Where do you get all of these？ （I don't particularly care where， honestly.）

Personally I like stories. And most people do too. So I asked him.

What's the story behind all of these posters？（Because when you ask people to tell a story， i.e. their interpretation of a sequence of events， it reveals a lot about their personality， outlook， level of optimism/ pessimism/etc.）

And he said， well， my mother sends me one of these every month saying that she found me a girlfriend. And he said this with a rueful④rueful 英 ［'ru?f?l; -f（?）l］ 美 ［'ruf］ adj. 可憐的；悲傷的；悔恨的The message has an emotional tone that is authentically sad/fearful/angry and at the same time， is by marked by a rueful calm， by gentleness， and by courage.這里邊有一種真正悲哀/恐懼/憤怒的情緒化腔調(diào)，與此同時(shí)又帶有悔恨的平靜、溫順和勇氣。smile in a half joking tone. Slowly shaking his head back and forth.

And now I don't care who you are， but this is a way more interesting start than asking about the bikes at Google. The conversation that followed was of course extremely memorable.

EDIT： I thought it would be fun（ny） to help this guy get a girlfriend. Also I help people out. It's what I do. Let me know if you'd like to help in any way.

提問人：我能想到的就是：你好嗎？一切順利嗎？總是很別扭。請大家?guī)兔?。如何提高我的社交能力？?dāng)我和陌生人講話的時(shí)候，總是很不舒服，顯得很著急。你有沒有同樣的問題？給我點(diǎn)建議好嗎？

多一點(diǎn)好奇心不是壞事！

即使你們的話題跑偏了。

當(dāng)你和人面對面的時(shí)候，你就這么和他/她對視 5 到10 秒鐘，就能找到很多話題。

所以，并不需要問一些既定的問題，因?yàn)槟菢幽憔椭荒艿玫揭饬现械拇鸢?。大多?shù)人不喜歡他們的工作，或者他們住的地方，他們?nèi)サ膶W(xué)校。那何不把對話導(dǎo)向你當(dāng)下最感興趣的話題呢？這正是小孩子經(jīng)常做的事，我們就是想太多了，他們就像捉蝴蝶一樣提問，好奇心飛到哪里，他們就問什么問題。

比如：我去我朋友的公寓玩，遇到了他的室友。我出于慣性地問他做什么工作。他說，在谷歌當(dāng)程序員。

很 Cool ?。∑鋵?shí)我不是很在意這個(gè)。我可以隨時(shí)都問他這些，畢竟我認(rèn)識(shí)一些在谷歌工作的工程師。

有趣的是，在他的房間，我看到很多動(dòng)漫女生的海報(bào)。

小朋友們，下面是如何問有趣的問題第一課：不要想得太復(fù)雜，開門見山地問吧。

我問了這些問題：你喜歡動(dòng)漫嗎？（這不是個(gè)好問題，因?yàn)榈玫降幕卮鹬荒苁?，愛或者不愛，有點(diǎn)危險(xiǎn)，而且萬一對方說不愛，那就畫上句號(hào)了……）

你是怎么弄到那么多海報(bào)的？（其實(shí)我也不是很在意這個(gè)答案。）

我個(gè)人很喜歡聽故事，我想大多數(shù)人一樣吧！所以我這么問：

這張海報(bào)的動(dòng)漫是講什么的？（因?yàn)楫?dāng)你請一個(gè)人講故事的話，他講故事的邏輯和方式會(huì)展現(xiàn)這個(gè)人的品性，眼光，或者樂觀/悲觀的心態(tài)等等）

他說，我媽每個(gè)月都給我送一張，她總說「我又給你找了個(gè)女朋友」，帶著戲謔的語氣，苦笑，無奈地?fù)u頭。

現(xiàn)在，我不會(huì)在意他是誰，他做什么工作。這個(gè)話題遠(yuǎn)比問他谷歌的單車有意思，而且超有記憶點(diǎn)。

PS：我當(dāng)時(shí)覺得，幫這個(gè)人找個(gè)女朋友會(huì)很好玩。另外我喜歡幫助別人，這是我的工作。如果你有問題，告訴我！

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