應(yīng)如舜

地點(diǎn)介紹類說明文的語言特點(diǎn)：1.時態(tài)，多用一般現(xiàn)在時。2.方位詞的準(zhǔn)確運(yùn)用，過渡語的恰當(dāng)使用。3.譴詞造句的簡潔，不要有過分渲染或模棱兩可的說法。

假定你是李華，你的美國朋友Sarah打算暑期來北京旅游，來信詢問改建后前門大街的情況。請你寫封回信，簡單介紹一下內(nèi)容：

1.簡況：長800余米、600多年歷史、300余家商鋪；

2.位置：天安門廣場南面；

3.交通：公共汽車17、69、59等路，地鐵2號線；

4.特色：步行街、當(dāng)當(dāng)車、茶館、劇院等。

參考詞匯：

步行街——pedestrian street

當(dāng)當(dāng)車——trolley car

地鐵——subway

注意：

1.詞數(shù)100左右，開頭語已為你寫好；

2.可以適當(dāng)增加細(xì)節(jié)，以使行文連貫。

Dear Sarah，

Thank you for your letter asking about the rebuilt Qianmen Street. Here is something about it.

Yours，

Li Hua

寫作的要求是介紹一個地點(diǎn)，這與同學(xué)們的日常生活緊密相連，所以能讓同學(xué)們“學(xué)以致用”。另一方面，題目只是給了粗略的介紹，同學(xué)們不能僅僅簡單地翻譯那幾句話，這樣字?jǐn)?shù)達(dá)不到要求，行文也不流暢。概括起來，本文的寫作要點(diǎn)有：簡要敘述前門大街的歷史、長度、位置以及商鋪；陳述到前門大街的交通方式；點(diǎn)出前門大街的特色。

習(xí)作1

Dear Sarah，

Thank you for your letter asking about the rebuilt Qianmen Street. Here is something about it.

Qianmen Street has over 600 years history①. This is a-800-metre street and has over 300 shops. Qianmen Street lies to the south of Tiananmen. Nearby have public bus about 17，69，59 routes and No.2 Subway.

And else， Qianmen Street is a pedestrian street， there are trolley car can ride you to hang out and there are many teahouses and theatres can offer you rest place or other interesting②.

I believe you will like Qianmen Street， a wonderful place！

Yours，

Li Hua

點(diǎn)評 這篇習(xí)作有很多句子可以加以改進(jìn)：

如：①Q(mào)ianmen Street has over 600 years history為中式英語，可改寫為：Qianmen Street has a long history of over 600 years.這樣的句子才是典型地道的英語。

再如：②And else， Qianmen Street is a pedestrian street， there are trolley car can ride you to hang out and there are many teahouses and theatres can offer you rest place or other interesting。此句不僅句子結(jié)構(gòu)不對，而且在詞匯的用法上還有錯誤：there be句型中除了be動詞外，還使用了謂語can ride和can offer，這是個明顯的錯誤。并且，ride的用法也是錯誤的，應(yīng)該是ride sth.而不是ride sb.。改進(jìn)后的句子是：Whats more， Qianmen Street is a pedestrian street， where you can take trolley cars to hang around. And many theatres and teahouses of old traditional Beijing characteristic can bring you a lot of fun.

除此之外，還有一些錯誤：800米街道應(yīng)該是an 800-metre street；Nearby have public bus about 17，69，59 routes and No.2 Subway，此句完全錯誤，應(yīng)該是Nearby are buses No.17，69，59 and the No.2 subway.

總觀全文，這篇文章不算是一篇好的習(xí)作。

習(xí)作2

Dear Sarah，

Thank you for your letter asking about the rebuilt Qianmen Street. Here is something about it.

Its a famous street of over 600 years old①. The 800-metre street is located to the north of Tiananmen Square②. And along the street， there are more than 300 shops. In addition， the transportation there is really convenient. You can take the No.17， 69 and 59 buses to Qianmen Street. There is also a station where the No.2 subway will stop.

By the way， to your interest， there are also many places and things with old Beijing characteristics， such as the trolley cars， teahouses and theatres. Of course， you can buy some souvenirs when you hang about at the pedestrian street. Im sure that youll like this place. At last， hope you have a good time.

Yours， Li Hua

點(diǎn)評 這篇習(xí)作是一篇佳作，有很多優(yōu)美的句子和亮點(diǎn)。

習(xí)作使用了說明層次的過渡詞或短語：in addition， by the way， of course等，讓文章行文連貫，層次清晰。

優(yōu)美的句子：The 800-metre street is located to the north of Tiananmen Square，By the way， to your interest， there are also many places and things with old Beijing characteristics， such as the trolley cars， teahouses and theatres.

而且，習(xí)作也按照常規(guī)思維適當(dāng)增加了細(xì)節(jié)：Of course， you can buy some souvenirs when you hang about at the pedestrian street.

不過，本文還是有些瑕疵：①處中的old 應(yīng)去掉；②處中的north應(yīng)該是south。

較之上篇習(xí)作，該習(xí)作確實(shí)不失為一篇佳作。

范文

Dear Sarah，

Thank you for your letter asking about the rebuilt Qianmen Street. Here is something about it.

Qianmen Street is a famous street of over 600 years. Along this 800-metre street， there are more than 300 shops. As the street is in the center of Beijing， just to the south of Tiananmen Square， its very convenient to get there by bus. You may take Buses No.17， 69 or 59. Subway Line 2 has a stop there too. Qianmen Street is a pedestrian street， but there are trolley cars to take you not only to the shops， but also to theaters and teahouses where you can experience a truly Chinese way of life. Im sure youll like it.

Yours，

Li Hua