◎趙海萍劉繼華寧波大學(xué)科學(xué)技術(shù)學(xué)院

浙江省新高考英語讀后續(xù)寫 試題分析及范例點(diǎn)評

◎趙海萍劉繼華寧波大學(xué)科學(xué)技術(shù)學(xué)院

2016年10月，浙江省高考英語科目啟用了新題型，其中寫作分為兩部分，第二節(jié)為讀后續(xù)寫，要求考生閱讀一篇短文，根據(jù)所給情節(jié)續(xù)寫，使短文與續(xù)寫部分合成一個完整的故事。由于之前幾期已經(jīng)介紹過該題目，本文就不再贅述了。

一、題型分析

相比浙江省以往高考英語自主命題的作文題，讀后續(xù)寫考查學(xué)生的能力范圍更為全面，它將考生的輸入（input）與輸出（output）能力的考查結(jié)合在一起，因此對考生的要求也更高。這一題型所考查的輸入能力為閱讀理解能力，從續(xù)寫部分的故事發(fā)展走向、語氣等可判斷考生對英語短文的閱讀理解是否正確。對輸出能力的考查則通過寫作完成，考查考生是否能夠正確運(yùn)用英語表達(dá)意義、情緒、態(tài)度等。

本次讀后續(xù)寫所提供的短文為記敘文。記敘文體應(yīng)該是讀后續(xù)寫題采用的最常見的文體。一般而言，絕大多數(shù)考生對于“故事接龍”這種形式比較熟悉，多數(shù)也能有足夠的產(chǎn)出內(nèi)容，只要對短文的閱讀理解基本正確，故事的后續(xù)發(fā)展基本就能合乎邏輯。因此，記敘文體可能也是讀后續(xù)寫題最合適的文體。需要注意的是，由于記敘文體的特征，考生在續(xù)寫中必須減少以往考試中常用的議論性和說明性語言，增加描述性語言，同時對時態(tài)、人稱、短文的風(fēng)格等方面多加留心。

語言是交際的工具，交際是否有效完成是判斷語言應(yīng)用能力的標(biāo)準(zhǔn)。讀后續(xù)寫也是一種交際活動，續(xù)寫部分是與短文的互動，續(xù)寫活動則是與命題思路的互動。因此，考生對命題思路的正確理解是順利完成該交際活動的保障。

二、試題要點(diǎn)分析

短文梗概關(guān)鍵詞語續(xù)寫段落與開頭語Jane與丈夫Tom去森林中的湖邊野營，發(fā)生了爭吵，Jane獨(dú)自進(jìn)入森林后迷路，露宿一宿，第二天僅以溪水野果為食，并沿溪而行。有直升機(jī)飛過，Jane準(zhǔn)備以黃色襯衣吸引直升機(jī)注意。短文所畫關(guān)鍵詞語基本涵蓋短文和續(xù)寫所必須涉及的要素，含人物（Jane,Tom）、環(huán)境（lake,stream,at a distance）、行為動作（walked, climbed）、器物（helicopter,yellow blouse）和情緒（to her great joy）。這些關(guān)鍵詞語對續(xù)寫部分的內(nèi)容作了大致的限制，使續(xù)寫的故事不至于偏離短文太遠(yuǎn)。同時，這些詞語大多數(shù)是故事續(xù)寫所必須用到的，因此，按要求使用5個以上應(yīng)該不成問題。要求續(xù)寫兩段，第一段開頭語為:“But no more helicopters came and it was getting dark again.”表明應(yīng)續(xù)寫第二天晚上Jane的經(jīng)歷。第二段開頭語為：“It was daybreak when Jane woke up.”表明應(yīng)續(xù)寫第三天所發(fā)生的事情。兩句開頭語都是從Jane的視角來描寫的，因此所接續(xù)的語句也以從Jane的視角來描寫為宜。

三、答題建議

文體結(jié)構(gòu)內(nèi)容語言記敘文體。重在講述故事，應(yīng)避免輕易議論。分兩段，共150詞左右，兩段詞數(shù)最好能基本平衡。每段開頭語已經(jīng)限制了條件和情景，因此每一段的故事發(fā)展邏輯應(yīng)與短文和每段開頭語相符。一般來說，故事的內(nèi)容以Jane在林中歷盡曲折、最終與Tom相見、兩人和好為宜，以形成一個完整的故事環(huán)。人物關(guān)系相對比較簡單，以Jane為主，Tom次之，如有其他人物（如直升機(jī)駕駛員等）則更次之。時態(tài)上，短文敘述發(fā)生在過去的一件事情，采用過去時。短文語言較為平實，沒有大詞生僻詞，也沒有過于特別的句式。續(xù)寫時最好能延續(xù)這種風(fēng)格，用詞和句式上可以有變化，但不需要追求所謂的“高大上”，應(yīng)以干凈、明白、有表現(xiàn)力為準(zhǔn)。除總結(jié)性的語句外，應(yīng)注意多使用注重細(xì)節(jié)的描繪性、描述性的語言。要恰當(dāng)使用語句連接成分，但需要注意的是，能夠完成語句連接任務(wù)的并不只有連接詞和連接性副詞及詞組，還有其他許多手段，如代詞（代名詞、代動詞）、某些修辭手法（如重復(fù)、平行結(jié)構(gòu)等）或句式變換等。續(xù)寫的文氣應(yīng)與開頭語相接。形式最好能緊接每段開頭語續(xù)寫，使開頭語與續(xù)寫部分形成一個完整的段落，如果是在開頭語行下方開始續(xù)寫，實際上就是另外一段了。書寫應(yīng)規(guī)范工整。不要忘記給所用的關(guān)鍵詞畫上底線。10個關(guān)鍵詞不必全部用到，但最好能超過5個。

四、習(xí)作點(diǎn)評

學(xué)生習(xí)作1

But no more helicopters came and it was getting dark again.Jane was sad. She sat by the stream,resting her aching feet.If I hadn’t quarreled with Tom,I wouldn’t have to be here.Jane thought regretfully,with tears welling up in her eyes.She wanted to say sorry to Tom for losing her temper.However,the only thing she could do was lying by the stream and waiting for help.It was getting late and Jane fell asleep.

It was daybreak when Jane woke up.She stood up to find something to eat. She walked and walked until she came to an open area where water and burries were available.Suddenly,she heard a helicopter.She took off her yellow blouse and began shaking it widely,hoping someone could see her.She shouted out“Tom”The helicopter slowed down and landed on the ground.With the door opening,Tom ran out.Seeing Jane,he was so excited and couldn’t contain his joy.He hugged Jane tightly.“Tom,I won’t lose my temper again.I want to stay with you forever.”Jane said in tears.

點(diǎn)評1這篇習(xí)作故事邏輯性強(qiáng)，語言面貌總體相當(dāng)不錯，較好地完成了交際任務(wù)。從故事發(fā)展來看，習(xí)作與短文融洽度高，情節(jié)合理，有人物行為描述，也有不少心理描寫。最為突出的是，習(xí)作在描寫過程中恰當(dāng)?shù)厥褂昧瞬簧倬哂休^強(qiáng)表現(xiàn)力的細(xì)節(jié)描述性語言，如“resting her aching feet”“with tears welling up in her eyes”等，使故事非常生動。習(xí)作應(yīng)用了6個關(guān)鍵詞語。當(dāng)然，習(xí)作也存在著一些語法和詞匯方面的問題，如詞匯拼寫錯誤（如“berries”拼成了“burries”，“wildly”拼成了“widely”）、詞匯使用錯誤（如“shaking”與“contain”等）、動詞體錯誤（如將“having lost her temper”誤為“l(fā)osing her temper”）、非謂語動詞誤用（如第一段中的“l(fā)ying”與“waiting”應(yīng)為動詞不定式）等。標(biāo)點(diǎn)的使用也存在一些錯誤（如“I wouldn’t have to be here”與“I won’t lose my temper again”后應(yīng)用逗號，“She shouted out‘Tom’”一句也未斷句等）。但總體而言，這篇習(xí)作詞匯與語法結(jié)構(gòu)較為豐富、準(zhǔn)確，這些錯誤不影響意義表達(dá)，語句間連接成分的使用也非常有效，因此可判為第五檔。

學(xué)生習(xí)作2

But no more helicopters came and it was getting dark again.Jane became more and more nervous.She thought she would be starve to death.this time How she wish a helicopter could come.But it didn’t happen.She continued to walk to find an open area so that she could flag her yellow blouse.However it was too dark to look around clearly.So Jane made a decision,She didn’t want to go on anymore,she was so tired and find an area which was full of grass,she slept soon.

It was daybreak when Jane woke up.She was very hungry and thirsty,She remembered the stream where she had looked.She walked back along the path“If I didn’t quarrel with Tom,If I stay with Tom,didn’t walk away,we must have a good and romatic evening.”Jane began to cry.When she felt hopeless,a helicopter came again.To her great joy,Tom stood at front of her at a distance. Jane was shocked and ran towards him.They hugged each other tightly.Tom said:“I won’t leave you alone anymore.”Fortunately,Jane was found and they continued their exciting journey.

點(diǎn)評2這篇習(xí)作與短文融洽度較高，每段從Jane的視角接寫，與段落開頭語銜接合理。邏輯上，除“a helicopter came again”外，總體沒有什么問題。應(yīng)該說，這篇習(xí)作還是比較順利地完成了交際任務(wù)。語言面貌上，這篇習(xí)作問題稍多一些，比較突出的問題是標(biāo)點(diǎn)的誤用（如第一段第三句“to death.this time How she...”、第一段最后一句“She didn’t...she slept soon”、第二段的“Tom said:”等）。與標(biāo)點(diǎn)誤用緊密相連的，就是大小寫的錯誤。詞匯上，除拼寫錯誤（如“romatic”）和搭配錯誤（如“at front of”）外，主要還是語義判斷上出現(xiàn)的問題（如“l(fā)ook around clearly”“where she had looked”“was shocked”等）。語法方面，這篇習(xí)作時態(tài)錯誤較多（如“wish”“didn’t quarrel”“didn’t walk away”等）。不過總體而言，習(xí)作對語法結(jié)構(gòu)和詞匯的豐富性和準(zhǔn)確性有較好的注意，所出現(xiàn)的錯誤對意義的表達(dá)影響不大。語句銜接方面，除“But it didn’t happen”一句顯得突兀外，總體文氣較為流暢。習(xí)作應(yīng)用了6個關(guān)鍵詞語。這篇習(xí)作可判為第四檔。

學(xué)生習(xí)作3

But no more helicopters came and it was getting dark again.

Jane was very disappointed,but she didn’t give up.She still kept walking, and tried her best to find the lake.

She was screamed when her walked on the road.In the end,because she was too tired that she stopped to scream.She climbed a high place and fall asleep quickly,But Tom’s face crowded in her mind before she closed her eyes.

It was daybreak when Jane woke up.

To her suprised,she found Tom was alongside her!She asked Tom why she was in there.Tom said he called the police to help him,and they drived the helicopter the found her laid in a high place.Jane was so moved,then she told Tom how much she loved him,and promised she will never do it again!

Tom was very happy and they never have some quarrels.

點(diǎn)評3這篇習(xí)作與所給短文融洽度較高，與所提供的開頭語銜接較好，寫出了若干有關(guān)內(nèi)容。習(xí)作形式上分成了6段，雖然如此分段并未受題目限制，但與正確審題存在一定距離。這篇習(xí)作語法錯誤較多，有時態(tài)錯誤（如“fall asleep quickly”“she will never do it again”等）、語態(tài)錯誤（如“was screamed”）、連接詞錯誤（如“too tired that...”）、非謂語動詞錯誤（如“found her laid”“stopped to scream”）、謂語動詞屈折變化錯誤（如“drived”）、詞性錯誤（如“to her suprised”）、人稱錯誤（如“her walked”）、冠詞使用錯誤（如“the found her”）、標(biāo)點(diǎn)錯誤（如“fall asleep quickly,But Tom’s face”）等。詞匯方面有拼寫錯誤（如“suprised”）、詞義判斷錯誤（如“crowded”“some”）。幸而這些錯誤對意義的表達(dá)影響不是特別大，并未嚴(yán)重影響交際任務(wù)的完成。習(xí)作語句間連接成分雖然較為簡單，卻也使用了足夠的連接手段，全文內(nèi)容基本連貫。這篇習(xí)作應(yīng)用了5個關(guān)鍵詞語。全篇共134詞（不計開頭語），雖然達(dá)到了130詞，但與150詞的要求還有較大距離，在判分時也需要酌情考慮。這篇習(xí)作可判為第三檔。

學(xué)生習(xí)作4

But no more helicopters came and it was getting dark again.Jane was worried about herself.She thought:“if nobody come here to save her she will die in forest.”Now,she stared to miss Tom very much.She stared to regret leave that lake but she had to walk away this place.She used her clothes tied treeshopesomeonecouldsawit.Andthedarkagain,shehadtofoundwheretosleep otherwise she couldn’t have power to walk.Before she was found somewhere to sleep,she decided to find something to eat.And then she climbed the tree to sleep.

It was daybreak when Jane woke up.To her great joy,she heared some sounds.She looked around aim to finding helicopter or someone but time went by long time she didn’t see anything.She began disappointed and she walked slowly.She was upset about alive when she heard water trickling somewhere at a distance.Suddenly,Jane began heard a helicopter very close,she started to run, She was dumbfounded when saw Tom stood in helicopter.Her husband huged with her and told her how much him loved her.They were cried a long time and leave this forest.

點(diǎn)評4這篇習(xí)作內(nèi)容上與所給短文關(guān)系較為密切，與所提供的開頭語也有較好的銜接，寫出了較多的內(nèi)容，應(yīng)用了6個關(guān)鍵詞語。語言上錯誤較多，上文所評幾篇習(xí)作所犯的錯誤這篇幾乎都有，比較嚴(yán)重的是，意義的傳達(dá)受到了較大的影響，如“She used her clothes tied trees hope someone could saw it”一句，“tied trees”意義不清，再加上“hope”無法分清是動詞還是名詞，使讀者無法明白作者想要表達(dá)的意思。第二段中“but time went by long time she didn’t see anything”也存在同樣的問題。有的地方是由于詞義判斷錯誤而影響意義的傳達(dá)，如“She was dumbfounded”。有的句子則是由于沒有恰當(dāng)運(yùn)用銜接手段（加上其他錯誤）而影響意義傳達(dá)，如“but she had to walk away this place”和“She was upset about alive when she heard water trickling somewhere”。全文內(nèi)容雖然有一定的連貫性，但由于意義傳達(dá)受到影響，交際任務(wù)未能很好完成，因此可判為第二檔。

學(xué)生習(xí)作5

But no more helicopters came and it was getting dark again.Jane feel very hungry.Then,the Tom had climbed to a high place,he will help Jane.Tom look the Jane,he think shouldn’t walked away.

It was daybreak when Jane woke up.Jane think Jane was dead.But he see Tom at a distance.Jane feel very happy,Because he and Tom still have friendship.In the end,they were left the forest.

點(diǎn)評5這篇習(xí)作總體面貌簡陋，只有57詞，而且語句過于簡單，錯誤很多，邏輯上也出現(xiàn)了很大的漏洞（如“Then,the Tom had climbed to a high place”和“he and Tom still have friendship”），雖然與所提供短文和開頭語有一定的銜接，也使用了5個關(guān)鍵詞語，語句間也有一定的連接成分，但產(chǎn)出內(nèi)容太少，語法結(jié)構(gòu)和詞匯項目都很有限，全文內(nèi)容也不夠連貫，交際任務(wù)完成情況很差?？膳袨榈谝粰n。

學(xué)生習(xí)作6

But no more helicopters came and it was getting dark again.Jane and her husband,Tom,had driven three hours to camp overnight by a lake in the forest. Unfortunately,they started to quarrel.Jane was so angry that she said to Tom,“I’m going to find a better spot for us to camp”and walked away.With no path to follow,Jane just walked on for quite a long time.She had climbed to a high place,but the farther she walked,the more confused she became.

It was daybreak when Jane woke up.She could hear water trickling somewhere at a distance.Jane was dumbfounded.Suddenly another thought went through Jane’s mind like an electric shock.In wind and rain,she started on her difficult way.Soon she was at the bridge that crossed the Des Moines River,a bridge also built of wood,just like the bridge across Honey Creek.The plan,a world-first,will start on 19 April and run for a year.More broadly the Wakefield survey suggests that employers may be missing a low-cost way to give workers something of value.

點(diǎn)評6這篇習(xí)作粗粗一看，似乎還挺像回事：書寫干凈，語法正確。但再看一眼，就能發(fā)現(xiàn)考生沒有實際的語言產(chǎn)出。習(xí)作第一段所有語句均直接抄自所給短文，第二段續(xù)寫的第一句也直接抄自所給短文，自第二句起則從閱讀理解題中東拼西湊抄襲而來，組合在一起毫無邏輯，且與所提供內(nèi)容無關(guān)。這樣的習(xí)作一般不給分。