文/羅妮·凱尼格 譯/藍(lán)嵐

If your child is starting preschool and having difficulty with the new routine, follow these strategies for saying goodbye without tears. 如果您家孩子剛上幼兒園，很難適應(yīng)新的生活日常，以下方法可以讓入園的告別不再與淚水相伴。

The start of preschool is a milestone that’s often anticipated with great excitement and joy, but also with lots of crying, uncertainty, and heel digging—from both kids and parents! “For children, the main source of anxiety around entering preschool is that they have absolutely no idea what to expect,”says Katrina Green, a certified early childhood and early childhood special education teacher at the Just Wee Two program in Brooklyn, New York. “They have spent the first three to four years learning the rules and routines of their family life and they are completely unfamiliar with the new rules and routines they will encounter. For parents, the main source of separation anxiety1separation anxiety 分離焦慮，通常指幼兒因與依戀的親人分離而引起的焦慮不安或不愉快的情緒反應(yīng)。此處用于與孩子分離的父母。is worrying that their child will feel abandoned.” Read on to learn the best ways for you and your child to ease the separation anxiety and to successfully start this new adventure—together and apart!

無論對(duì)于孩子還是父母而言，上幼兒園都是一件具有里程碑意義的事，可以料想，這其中既飽含著興奮和快樂，也是一個(gè)經(jīng)久哭鬧、忐忑難料與裹足不前的過程?！皩?duì)于孩子來說，入園焦慮的主要原因是他們要面對(duì)一個(gè)完全未知的環(huán)境?！笨ㄌ乩锬取じ窳质且晃挥匈Y質(zhì)的兒童和特殊兒童早教老師，在紐約布魯克林一家名為“只有你我”的機(jī)構(gòu)工作?！昂⒆尤臍q以前一直在學(xué)習(xí)家庭生活的規(guī)矩和日常，對(duì)于將要面對(duì)的新規(guī)矩和新日常完全不熟悉。對(duì)于父母來說，產(chǎn)生分離焦慮的主要原因則是擔(dān)心孩子覺得自己被拋棄了?！币韵铝挤侥軌驇椭秃⒆泳徑夥蛛x焦慮，成功開啟這一聚散有時(shí)的新征程。

Be consistent

[2] Many moms may see their child have a bad first reaction to preschool and immediately decide to pull him out of the classroom. But that’s a bad idea: “It denies the child an opportunity to learn how to work through negative feelings and sets a precedent of not having to face problems,” Green says. Instead, consistency is key when it comes to making preschool a part of your child’s new routine. Simply going together on a regular basis will provide your little one with a strong sense of anticipation. Keep your goodbyes short and sweet so that your child knows what to expect but doesn’t prolong your departure. When you pick him up at the end of the day, reinforce the idea that you came back, just like you said you would. This way, each day’s drop-off won’t feel like you’re both starting teary and upsetting goodbyes all over again.

Get the teacher involved

[3] Ideally, your child’s preschool teacher will be a warm, caring, and experienced individual who can anticipate her students’ needs. But since she is new to you, too, brief her with necessary information that will help her and your child get to know each other better. “It’s helpful for me to know as much as possible about a child’s home life in order to ease their transition into preschool,”Green says. “Their eating, sleeping, and toileting patterns are just as important as knowing their favorite color, what games they like to play, or what songs they like to sing. It also helps to know what techniques the family uses to calm a child down when she is feeling upset or anxious [so I can] try to replicate those techniques in the classroom.” Be sure to let the teacher know about any medical issues, such as food allergies.

堅(jiān)持不懈

[2]很多媽媽一看到孩子對(duì)幼兒園產(chǎn)生抵觸，立馬就想把孩子拽出教室。這種想法不可取。格林認(rèn)為，“這樣做剝奪了孩子學(xué)習(xí)應(yīng)對(duì)消極情緒的機(jī)會(huì)，同時(shí)為孩子無法正視困難開了先河”。要使幼兒園生活成為孩子的日常，堅(jiān)持才是關(guān)鍵。你要做的僅僅是每天送他入園，讓他獲得強(qiáng)烈的期待感。甜蜜而短暫地道別，讓孩子有所期待，但是切勿久留。每天放學(xué)來接他時(shí)，不斷強(qiáng)調(diào)你來了，絕不食言。長(zhǎng)此以往，每天入園就不會(huì)循環(huán)上演親子之間淚眼婆娑、悲慘兮兮的一幕。

將老師變?yōu)殛?duì)友

[3]理想的幼兒園老師應(yīng)該是一個(gè)溫暖、貼心、有經(jīng)驗(yàn)的人，了解學(xué)生所需。但是既然您和老師也不熟悉，還是應(yīng)該簡(jiǎn)要地給她提供一些必要的信息，以幫助她和您的孩子增進(jìn)了解?！氨M可能多地了解孩子的家庭生活有助于讓我?guī)椭⒆幼龊萌雸@的過渡，”格林說，“了解他們的吃喝拉撒睡和了解他們喜歡的顏色、愛玩的游戲以及愛聽的歌一樣重要。寶寶難過或焦慮哭鬧時(shí)家長(zhǎng)怎么哄孩子也是有用的信息，我在教室里也可以借鑒同樣的方法。”別忘了告知老師孩子的健康信息，例如吃什么會(huì)過敏。

Prepare a comfort object

[4] Have your child bring a little reminder of home to the preschool to ease his separation anxiety and reassure him. If he doesn’t have a favorite doll or blankie, even a beloved book or a sippy cup filled with his favorite drink can do the trick. “I had a child enter my preschool program who was experiencing major anxiety,” Green reveals. “In the beginning, we encouraged him to bring photos of his family and items from home. He filled an entire Whole Foods2全食超市，美國(guó)最大的天然食品和有機(jī)食品超市,在各大城市都有分店。bag with toys from home!” Comfort objects may seem like small stuff to you, but they can provide a real sense of security to kids in an unfamiliar environment. “Children almost always outgrow the need to bring a comfort object to school,” Green says. “However, children may feel the need for comfort objects at school (even if they are separating with no problem) when transitions are happening at home (such as a new baby, a move, or Mom or Dad starting a new work schedule).”

為孩子準(zhǔn)備安撫物

[4]讓孩子帶上能讓他想家的小玩意兒來幼兒園可以降低分離焦慮，安撫情緒。如果他平時(shí)沒有自己喜歡的玩偶或毯子，一本喜歡的書或者裝滿愛喝飲料的吸杯也能奏效?！爸拔覀冇變簣@來了一個(gè)嚴(yán)重焦慮的小朋友，”格林回憶道，“一開始我們就鼓勵(lì)他把家人的照片和家中的禮品帶來，結(jié)果他用全食超市的袋子裝了整整一口袋家里的玩具！”在您看來這些安慰品可能只是些小玩意兒，但它們卻能為身處陌生環(huán)境的孩子提供一種切實(shí)的安全感?！昂⒆觽兩蠈W(xué)依賴安慰品的時(shí)間并不算長(zhǎng)，”格林說，“然而，（即便已經(jīng)能夠輕松告別家長(zhǎng)，）一旦家中情況變化（例如又迎來一個(gè)小寶寶、搬家或者父母的工作有變），孩子在學(xué)校還是會(huì)需要安慰品?！?/p>

Don’t sneak away

[5] It might be tempting to bolt from the room, but your little one will feel more afraid if you suddenly disappear.“Moms should never be ripped away abruptly from their child,” says Fran Walfish, Psy.D., child and family psychotherapist and the author of The Self-Aware Parent. “It can take up to ten weeks for a child to fully be ready to be left at school without her mother.” Dr.Walfish says. “The best way to handle the separation process is to begin by Mommy going to school with her child and sitting next to her. She should not interact with her in games and toys, but rather be there as a safety net.” Instead,develop a good-bye ritual. This could be anything you and your child decide on, such as a special hug or handshake followed by a “See you later, alligator!”3“See You Later, Alligator”原來是美國(guó)1950年代的搖滾歌曲名，因?yàn)閍lligator與later的押韻而成為表示“再見”的流行語。Once you’ve said your goodbyes,it’s best to skedaddle so that your child doesn’t become preoccupied by your presence. Seeing her involved in an activity is a good cue that it’s time for you to go.

請(qǐng)勿偷溜

[5]快速離開教室的想法可能挺讓人心動(dòng)，但是如果您突然消失，寶寶會(huì)感到更加害怕?！罢?qǐng)各位媽媽打消那種突然從寶寶身邊撤退的想法，”《自覺的家長(zhǎng)》的作者、兒童和家庭心理師弗蘭·沃爾費(fèi)什博士認(rèn)為，“孩子要完全適應(yīng)媽媽不在身旁的學(xué)校環(huán)境可能需要十周的時(shí)間，面對(duì)分離最好的辦法是媽媽和孩子一起到學(xué)校并一起坐坐。媽媽不要用游戲和玩具來逗孩子，應(yīng)該扮演一張‘安全網(wǎng)’的角色?！弊詈玫姆椒ㄊ?，建立一個(gè)道別儀式。儀式的形式您和孩子來定，可以是一個(gè)特別的擁抱，也可以是握手之后來一句“來接你，小鱷魚！”一旦說了再見，最好轉(zhuǎn)頭就走，免得孩子一直惦念著您再次出現(xiàn)。她融入新的活動(dòng)就意味著您該走了。

Avoid comparing your child to others

[6] Don’t chastise your toddler and say, “Nolan doesn’t cry when his mom leaves.” “Honoring your child’s process is the best way to make the transition to preschool as smooth as possible,” Green says. Don’t worry—eventually your child will outgrow the separation anxiety. “The child who never cries when his parent leaves him may act out the scene over and over again during play to process his feelings. Another child may need to cry at every separation for a while in order to work through his feelings,” Green says. “It’s okay to keep leaving the child if he keeps crying,”Green continues. “A complete and successful transition into school can take months, especially if there are family vacations or breaks from school, when children often regress, or if there are changes happening at home.” But in all her years of teaching, Green hasn’t encountered one student couldn’t overcome his separation anxiety.

Resist surprise visits

[7] Once you’ve left your child, resist the temptation to go back and check on her, and don’t phone the school every hour. “If you’re always checking up on your child, you risk the reciprocity of your child checking’ on you constantly,” Dr. Walfish says. “It is extremely helpful for moms to develop a team approach with their child’s teacher. This way, mom can feel safe and confident that her child will be well cared for when she is not there.” Trust the teacher and trust yourself; have con fidence that you made the best decision and chose the best preschool for your child.

別拿“別人家的孩子”來比較

[6]請(qǐng)別這樣責(zé)罵您家小朋友：“諾蘭媽媽離開時(shí)人家可沒哭！”“要想讓入園盡可能順利，最好的辦法就是珍視這個(gè)過渡的階段，”格林說。別擔(dān)心，您的孩子最終會(huì)戰(zhàn)勝分離焦慮?！坝械暮⒆釉诟改鸽x開時(shí)從不哭鬧，在玩耍時(shí)反復(fù)扮演分離的場(chǎng)景，經(jīng)此來處理情緒；有的孩子但凡與父母分別總要哭鬧一番，為的也是發(fā)泄情緒，”格林說。“孩子哭時(shí)就離開是沒問題的，”格林接著說，“完全、成功度過過渡期需要好幾個(gè)月，尤其是中途遇到家庭假期或是學(xué)校放假，又或者孩子的家里出現(xiàn)了什么變化，這時(shí)孩子就會(huì)出現(xiàn)反復(fù)。”但是從教以來，格林還沒有遇到過最終無法克服分離焦慮的孩子。

抑制突然造訪的心

[7]一旦離開孩子，請(qǐng)您克制自己，不要回頭再看孩子是否安好，或是每小時(shí)給學(xué)校打電話?！叭绻偸窍肟春⒆?，那孩子也免不了總是想看您?！?沃爾費(fèi)什博士說，“和孩子的老師建立一種團(tuán)隊(duì)合作的機(jī)制極為有益，只有如此，媽媽才會(huì)在自己不在寶寶身邊時(shí)有安全感和信任感，知道孩子得到了精心的照顧?！毙湃卫蠋?，信任自己，相信您的選擇是最好的，為孩子選的學(xué)校也是最好的。

Give yourself a pep talk

[8] Come up with a mantra such as,“This is best place for (your child’s name)” or “Bringing (your child’s name) here is the right decision” to remind you of why being apart is good for both you and your child. Then, keep repeating it as often as you need it! Kids can pick up on your mood, so if you’re nervous and anxious when you drop your child off, he will likely take on your attitude. Remain calm and be upbeat, even if you don’t feel 100 percent cheerful. But if your little one does pick up on your worries, just continue to provide him with reassurance. “Remind him that you will always return and that there are people at school to keep him safe,” Green says. Always remember that starting preschool is a positive step for both you and your little pupil. ■

為自己加油打氣

[8]給自己編條咒語，比如說“（我家寶寶）就該來這兒”或者“（我家寶寶）來這兒就對(duì)了”，不斷提醒自己，分離對(duì)于您和寶寶來說都是件好事兒。然后，只要有需要，就不斷重復(fù)念“咒語”。孩子是能領(lǐng)悟大人心情的，如果送園時(shí)您緊張焦慮，他很可能會(huì)沿襲您的態(tài)度。即便并不是百分之百開心，也要保持平靜與樂觀。如果寶寶真的和您一樣憂心忡忡，那么接下去就要給他吃定心丸了?！疤嵝阉欢〞?huì)來接他，在學(xué)校有人可以保證他的安全，”格林說。永遠(yuǎn)記住，入園無論是對(duì)于您還是您家小同學(xué)來說，都是邁出的積極一步。 □