張超

There are a lot of smokers in the world， yet most smokers are young people. It is said that about 45% of the smokers in the world from① China. Believe it or not， the smokers are becoming younger and younger in China， even including some middle school students.

There are a few reasons for this. Some people think smoking keeps themselves refreshed. Some people believe it is a kind of fashion and they want to be cool. Others think it is of very② fun.

In fact， smoking is a bad habit. It is bad for peoples health and can cause a lot of illnesses. It does harm to not only smokers but also someone who is near them. Meanwhile， smokers have to cost③ a lot of money on their bad habit. Besides， many fires are caused by careless smokers.

Therefore， I hope smokers especially young smokers can give up smoking for themselves，? and also for the people around us④.

河北省阜城縣第四中學(xué)九年級12班 劉佳嫻

點評

1. 優(yōu)點：

本文結(jié)構(gòu)嚴(yán)謹(jǐn)，條例清楚，邏輯嚴(yán)密。小作者在每一段段首提出分論點。主要從吸煙的原因和危害兩方面進行論述。文中熟練運用了賓語從句、并列句、簡單句、銜接詞與短語，使上下文銜接自然。這是一篇值得推薦的習(xí)作。

2. 需要修改的地方：

① from改為come from。come from是動詞短語用作謂語。

② very改為great。形容詞great在此作定語，修飾名詞fun。

③ cost改為spend。spend...on...是固定用法，意為“在……上花費……”。

④ us改為them。根據(jù)上下文可知，這里要用第三人稱人稱代詞賓格形式。

3. 評分：

按中考英語作文滿分20分的評分標(biāo)準(zhǔn)，本文修改前可得18分。