劉嫦云

讀后續(xù)寫是一種將閱讀與寫作緊密結合的新題型?？忌谝欢ǖ南拗菩詶l件下，運用合理的想象進行續(xù)寫，創(chuàng)造性地完成一個故事，具有較大的挑戰(zhàn)性。那么如何有效地開展續(xù)寫并獲得高分呢？筆者以2020年新高考全國Ⅰ卷讀后續(xù)寫為例，說明如何善于利用各類思維導圖，助力完成讀后續(xù)寫。

真題再現(xiàn)

閱讀下面材料，根據(jù)其內界和所給段落開頭語續(xù)寫兩段， 使之構成一篇完整的短文。

The Meredith family lived in a small community. As the economy was in decline， some people in the town had lost their jobs. Many of their families were struggling to make ends meet. People were trying to help each other meet the challenges.

Mrs. Meredith was a most kind and thoughtful woman. She spent a great deal of time visiting the poor. She knew they had problems， and they needed all kinds of help. When she had time， she would bring food and medicine to them.

One morning she told her children about a family she had visited the day before. There was a man sick in bed， his wife， who took care of him and could not go out to work， and their little boy. The little boy—his name was Bernard—had interested her very much.

“I wish you could see him，”she said to her own children， John， Harry， and Clara.“He is such a help to his mother. He wants very much to earn some money， but I dont see what he can do.”

After their mother left the room， the children sat thinking about Bernard.“I wish we could help him to earn money，”said Clara.“His family is suffering so much.”

“So do I，”said Harry.“We really should do something to assist them.”

For some moments， John said nothing， but， suddenly， he sprang to his feet and cried，“I have a great idea！I have a solution that we can all help accomplish（完成）.”

The other children also jumped up all attention. When John had an idea， it was sure to be a good one. Ill tell you what we can do，”said John.“You know that big box of corn Uncle John sent us？ Well， we can make popcorn（爆米花）， and put it into paper bags， and Bernard can take it around to the houses and sell it.”

注意：

1. 續(xù)寫詞數(shù)應為150左右;

2. 請按如下格式在答題卡的相應位置作答。

When Mrs. Meredith heard of Johns idea， she thought it was a good one， too.

With everything ready. Bernard started out on his new business.

一、速度全文，獲取大意

續(xù)寫基本上是記敘文。記敘文離不開六要素：who， when， where， what， why， how， 即五個W和一個H?？焖匍喿x時找出六要素，文章的寫作線索自然水落石出。

我們把六要素聯(lián)合起來，就可得知原文的主要內容：John， Harry和Clara三個孩子生活在一個小社區(qū)，當時經(jīng)濟蕭條。當?shù)弥鐓^(qū)的另一個小男孩Bernard因為父親臥病在床，母親需要照顧父親無法外出工作而需要幫助后，三個孩子想出了一個絕妙的主意幫助他。

二、精讀原文，解讀主題

續(xù)寫是對原文的延伸。我們續(xù)寫時要符合原文的思路，繼承原作者風格。這就需要我們尋求故事的內在聯(lián)系，走進作者的內心世界，通過精讀準確把握原文故事情節(jié)和人物性格等?？衫媒鹱炙退季S導圖更直觀地展示故事情節(jié)和主題。

Story pyramid

故事情節(jié)：首段介紹了故事發(fā)生的背景，The Meredith family生活在一個小社區(qū)。因為經(jīng)濟蕭條，很多人失業(yè)了，都在為生計奔波。人們相互幫助度過難關。第2至第4段，介紹了Mrs. Meredith是個很善良的人，經(jīng)常以多種方式幫助貧困的人們。一天她告訴她的三個孩子John， Harry和Clara小區(qū)有一個需要幫助的小男孩Bernard。第5至第8段，孩子們都想幫助Bernard。

Main theme

主題解讀：從第二段可知，Mrs. Meredith是一位非常善良樂于助人的女士，從她經(jīng)常幫助貧困家庭可推斷出她用行動在她孩子們心中播撒下了愛心的種子。受她的積極影響，孩子們非常愿意幫助Bernard，并且后來的確想出了一個好辦法，制作爆米花讓Bernard出去賣。由此不難看出，文章的主題是愛心與善良的傳遞。

三、預測內容，構思情節(jié)

讀后續(xù)寫考查想象力和創(chuàng)新能力。有的學生可能會覺得不知道怎么入手，感覺無話可寫。這時我們可根據(jù)五所思維，即“所見，所聞，所感，所想，所做”，運用問題鏈設置相關問題。設置問題時研讀續(xù)寫段落的開頭語，尤其需關注第一段結尾匹配第二段首句的問題。

Para1： When Mrs. Meredith heard of Johns idea， she thought it was a good one， too.

設置以下問題：

Para2： With everything ready. Bernard started out on his new business.

我們可以在問題鏈的幫助下自問自答，用問題引導自己構思內容。在構思情節(jié)時，要充分考慮到各情節(jié)之間的邏輯關系。預測故事發(fā)展情節(jié)：

第一段要承接“媽媽也認為是個好主意”，具體到媽媽做了什么，孩子們做了什么來幫助Bernard。另外，續(xù)寫第二段首句寫道：“一切準備就緒，Bernard開始了他自己的新生意”。由此可知，第二段的“一切準備就緒”，準備了什么也是第一段要寫的內容。我們可以設想成，準備購買家用的爆米花機，并把計劃告訴了Bernard一家。買好機子后，又著手熟悉其操作。

第二段主要寫一切準備好后，Bernard開始了自己的生意后具體發(fā)生的事情。聯(lián)系原文首段末句“人們盡力互幫互助以應對經(jīng)濟衰退的挑戰(zhàn)”，可推測出大家都竭力幫助Bernard，或多或少都會購買他的爆米花，以支持他養(yǎng)家。也可以想象到，Bernard賣出爆米花后的感激之情。

四、細節(jié)描寫，優(yōu)化表達

要想寫出生動形象、內容具體的續(xù)寫部分，不僅要有豐富的詞匯量，還要注意細節(jié)的刻畫，需適時添加心理描寫、動作描寫和場景描寫等細節(jié)，才能讓故事充滿畫面感。

Mrs. Meredith和孩子們的所思所做，這關系到心理和動作的細節(jié)描寫。

心理描寫

動作描寫

這些相關的語料庫詞匯大家根據(jù)情況進行加工再內化為自己的文字。在優(yōu)化語言前，分析原文的語言風格，使用了make ends meet， meet the challenges， sprang to his feet等高級詞匯，同時運用了賓語從句、定語從句、分詞結構和部分倒裝等高級表達。我們在行文時，可創(chuàng)造性地模仿與使用這些句式表達。既可以延續(xù)原文的風格，又可以使表達更豐富多彩。

參考范文

When Mrs. Meredith heard of the idea， she thought it was a good one， too. Mrs. Meredith nodded with a smile， saying“Lets take action！”. Immediately she searched the Internet and ordered a household popcorn machine. After that， Mrs. Meredith together with her three children paid another visit to the family and told them about the popcorn plan. Needless to say， they were deeply touched， especially Bernard who finally found a solution to make money for his family. A few days later， the machine was delivered to Mrs Merediths home. And it wasnt long before they got the hang of using the machine to make popcorn.

With everything ready， Bernard started out on his new business. Although it was a hard time and things were tight for everybody， Bernards business worked out quite well. He carried the popcorn on his small bike， going from door to door to sell it. People were surprised to see such a little，poorly-dressed boy selling popcorn at their doors， but eventually almost all of them would buy a bag or two to support him. It is love that makes the world go round and Bernard felt it deep in his little heart.

范文點評：該文續(xù)寫部分和原文以及首句的融合度高。第一段續(xù)寫Mrs. Meredith立即付諸行動順應首句她認為是個好主意的想法。從網(wǎng)購家用爆米花機再到快遞到貨后，他們沒過多久就熟悉其使用，這種種準備工作與第二段首句無縫銜接。

該文達到了語法和詞匯的準確性和豐富性。使用了大量高級詞匯，如 paid another visit to， needless to say， got the hang of， tight， worked out等。定語從句，強調句型，非謂語動詞的熟練使用顯示出作者語言使用的靈活性和扎實的基本功。在連貫性方面，作者使用了immediately， after， a few days later， although， but等詞將上下文的邏輯體現(xiàn)了出來。范文圍繞文章的內容進行了合理的拓展，傳播了正能量，宣揚了愛與善良，使文章的主題得到了升華。

責任編輯 蔣小青