湖北
高考新題型讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)淋漓盡致地體現(xiàn)了對(duì)英語(yǔ)學(xué)科核心素養(yǎng)——語(yǔ)言能力、文化意識(shí)、思維品質(zhì)和學(xué)習(xí)能力四大要素的考查,既能通過(guò)閱讀原文作品和兩句段首句考查學(xué)生的批判性思維能力,更考查學(xué)生基于語(yǔ)言運(yùn)用能力的再創(chuàng)作能力。按照《普通高等學(xué)校招生全國(guó)統(tǒng)一考試英語(yǔ)科考試說(shuō)明(高考綜合改革實(shí)驗(yàn)省份試用)》中所提供的讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)評(píng)分原則,得分高的續(xù)寫(xiě)文本,在思維上承接上文,與所給短文及段落開(kāi)頭語(yǔ)合理銜接,故事脈絡(luò)清晰,內(nèi)容完整;在語(yǔ)言上用詞準(zhǔn)確而豐富,句式多樣而精彩,對(duì)細(xì)節(jié)描寫(xiě)到位,并適度巧妙地使用修辭。為幫助學(xué)生更準(zhǔn)確快速地把握高分讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)的解題思路,筆者把以上內(nèi)容總結(jié)為簡(jiǎn)單實(shí)用的技巧“一主旨,二走向,三契合,四手段,五忌諱”,并結(jié)合2020 年1 月浙江省高考英語(yǔ)讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)進(jìn)行舉例說(shuō)明。
讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)的兩段應(yīng)與原文主旨統(tǒng)一,且對(duì)高中生形成正確的人生觀有積極作用,因而主旨需是積極的、富有正能量的或有趣的,即instructive or interesting。讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)必然要經(jīng)歷先輸入再輸出的過(guò)程,這就要求我們先厘清故事六要素,把握好兩條線:情節(jié)線和情感線。如果原文中含有消極情緒,則需要學(xué)生合理構(gòu)思情節(jié),讓負(fù)向情緒轉(zhuǎn)為正向情緒,體現(xiàn)高考的育人功能。
“I’m going to miss you so much,Poppy,”said the tall,thin teenager.He bent down to hug his old friend goodbye.He stood up,hugged his parents,and smiled,trying not to let his emotions (情緒) get the better of him.
His parents were not quite able to keep theirs under control.They had driven their son several hours out of town to the university where he would soon be living and studying.It was time to say goodbye for now at least.The family hugged and smiled through misty eyes and then laughed.
The boy lifted the last bag onto his shoulder,and flashed a bright smile.“I guess this is it,”he said.“I’ll see you back home in a month,okay?”His parents nodded,and they watched as he walked out of sight into the crowds of hundreds of students and parents.The boy’s mother turned to the dog,“Okay,Poppy,time to go back home.”
The house seemed quiet as a tomb without the boy living there.All that week,Poppy didn’t seem interested in her dinner,her favorite toy,or even in her daily walk.Her owners were sad too,but they knew their son would be back to visit.Poppy didn’t.
They offered the dog some of her favorite peanut butter treats.They even let her sit on the sofa,but the old girl just wasn’t her usual cheerful self.Her owners started to get worried.“What should we do to cheer Poppy up?”asked Dad.“We’ve tried everything.”
“I have an idea,but it might be a little crazy,”smiled Mom.“Without anybody left in the house but us,this place could use a bit of fun.Let’s get a little dog for Poppy.”
It didn’t take long before they walked through the front door carrying a big box.Poppy welcomed them home as usual,but when she saw the box,she stopped.She put her nose on it.Her tail began wagging (擺動(dòng)) ever so slowly,then faster as she caught the smell.
Dad opened the box and a sweet little dog appeared.__________________________________________________________________________________________________________
A few weeks later,the boy arrived home from the university._____________________________________________________________________________________________________
2020 年1 月浙江省高考英語(yǔ)讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)故事六要素
續(xù)寫(xiě)過(guò)程中,學(xué)生需圍繞與原文一致的主旨:正能量或趣味性。本文可圍繞成長(zhǎng):①孩子的成長(zhǎng)——從依戀到獨(dú)立,努力適應(yīng)新環(huán)境;②父母的成長(zhǎng):該放手或該陪伴,盡職盡責(zé);③為狗找伴,讓它快樂(lè)——相互陪伴;④學(xué)會(huì)放手,其實(shí)是愛(ài)——適度引導(dǎo)。⑤狗的成長(zhǎng):從開(kāi)始追著主人不放到與新同伴的交往。由此可看出,第二段學(xué)生可發(fā)揮的余地更大,既能描寫(xiě)大家庭團(tuán)聚的快樂(lè)、調(diào)侃和關(guān)切,還可以升華主題,點(diǎn)明成長(zhǎng)的主題。
續(xù)寫(xiě)情節(jié)的走向主要可以從兩方面進(jìn)行判斷構(gòu)思:一方面,劃線詞勾連可以預(yù)示情節(jié)發(fā)展;另一方面,三大主題語(yǔ)境(人與自我、人與社會(huì)和人與自然)中矛盾沖突的解決也可以決定情節(jié)的走向。
10 個(gè)標(biāo)有下劃線的關(guān)鍵詞語(yǔ),足以讓我們?cè)谀X海里規(guī)劃出無(wú)數(shù)種可能的情節(jié)。而且讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)的材料多為故事題材,續(xù)寫(xiě)部分通常是故事的結(jié)尾,也是故事的高潮部分,按照故事的起因——發(fā)展——高潮這一規(guī)律可知,這部分往往最扣人心弦,要么緊張,要么有趣,要么有哲理。故事中體現(xiàn)的矛盾沖突在這一部分都會(huì)得以解決。
筆者引導(dǎo)學(xué)生把2020 年1 月浙江省高考英語(yǔ)讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)續(xù)寫(xiě)文本中的10 個(gè)劃線詞分成如下三類:
Who:Poppy,parents,boy,dog
What:university,watched,back,box
How:hugged,cheerful
圍繞這10 個(gè)詞發(fā)散學(xué)生思維,進(jìn)行頭腦風(fēng)暴,學(xué)生的腦海里可能會(huì)浮現(xiàn)溫馨感人的畫(huà)面:
思路一:Poppy 謹(jǐn)慎靠近→dog 從box 新奇探頭→parents 欣慰高興→Poppy 恢復(fù)生機(jī),接近小狗→boy 從university back →Poppy cheerful 地迎接男孩(leans against his leg/both paws on his thighs/hopping/licking/barking with excitement)→父母激動(dòng)地watched,溫馨洋溢,其樂(lè)融融。
思路二:dog 憨態(tài)可掬,爬出box →parents 忍俊不禁→兩只狗熟稔起來(lái),Poppy 似乎不再孤單,不再那么想念boy →boy 放假back →Poppy 歡快迎接→男孩hugged Poppy 并注意到新成員→得知它是Poppy 的新伙伴→感動(dòng)cheerful,淚水模糊視線→Poppy 溫情地望向小狗,又望向boy,不知該奔向誰(shuí),讓一家人忍俊不禁。
思路三:新成員從box 探頭,天真地玩耍→兩只狗dog 相互適應(yīng),從陌生到熟悉到形影不離→boy back,parents hugged boy →少年watched 兩只狗相互陪伴,感到cheerful,松了口氣→文章的主題升華:少年回憶起自己逐漸融入university 生活的過(guò)程,回憶起朋友的陪伴和勉勵(lì)→自己從孤單到適應(yīng)的成長(zhǎng)蛻變。
續(xù)寫(xiě)三契合包括:①續(xù)寫(xiě)情節(jié)要與原文契合;②續(xù)寫(xiě)第一段段尾要與第二段段首契合;③續(xù)寫(xiě)兩段段首語(yǔ)要與本段后續(xù)情節(jié)契合。
結(jié)合第一段段首語(yǔ)“Dad opened the box and a sweet little dog appeared.”和“第二段段首語(yǔ)A few weeks later,the boy arrived home from the university.”,順應(yīng)主旨,突出陪伴和成長(zhǎng),關(guān)注情節(jié)、邏輯和銜接,可以聯(lián)想到第一段應(yīng)重點(diǎn)描寫(xiě)兩只小狗相處時(shí)的場(chǎng)景、它們彼此陌生時(shí)的表現(xiàn)、新成員和Poppy 各自的反應(yīng);Poppy 如何被感染,慢慢敞開(kāi)心扉。兩只狗相互陪伴,自己更開(kāi)心了,也緩解了父母對(duì)少年的想念和擔(dān)心。第二段可以著重描述少年回家后的場(chǎng)景,父母見(jiàn)到少年時(shí)的激動(dòng),少年擁抱父母(與一、二段道別的動(dòng)作描寫(xiě)相呼應(yīng))。Poppy 激動(dòng),少年抱起Poppy,新成員也撒著歡,少年對(duì)新成員的反應(yīng),一家其樂(lè)融融地歡聚在一起。如果情節(jié)描寫(xiě)進(jìn)展較快,我們可按照常規(guī)模式結(jié)尾,升華主題:少年聯(lián)想到自己大學(xué)的適應(yīng)過(guò)程,欣慰地看著兩只狗戲耍,為狗和父母都不再孤單而感到開(kāi)心。
續(xù)寫(xiě)過(guò)程中,學(xué)生要注意做到銜接自然,情節(jié)合理,邏輯縝密。整體的人物性格和敘事的語(yǔ)言特點(diǎn)有延續(xù)性,避免出現(xiàn)情節(jié)跳躍或重復(fù)而使文章內(nèi)容出現(xiàn)斷層或成分贅余,避免“為賦新詞強(qiáng)‘關(guān)聯(lián)’”湊詞數(shù),靚詞好句隨意套,人物動(dòng)作語(yǔ)言描寫(xiě)完全不符合人物的個(gè)性、年齡和身份。
讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)考查的核心依然是英語(yǔ)語(yǔ)用能力。需要學(xué)生在構(gòu)思情節(jié)的同時(shí),恰當(dāng)?shù)剡\(yùn)用多種微技能,不遺余力地展示自己的語(yǔ)言功底。針對(duì)續(xù)寫(xiě)構(gòu)思時(shí)如何將簡(jiǎn)單的情節(jié)寫(xiě)生動(dòng),筆者歸納出了以下四種實(shí)用的方法:
①細(xì)節(jié)描寫(xiě):IDEAS,即inner thoughts(內(nèi)心想法),dialogue(對(duì)話),emotions(情緒),actions(動(dòng)作)和setting(環(huán)境);
②修辭:恰到好處地使用明喻、暗喻、隱喻、擬人(無(wú)靈主語(yǔ)句)和排比等修辭;
③回憶推動(dòng)情節(jié):尋找合適的切入點(diǎn)回憶往事(熟悉的聲音、相似的場(chǎng)景、睹物思人回憶過(guò)去等);
④結(jié)尾模式探討:主題升華式、環(huán)境渲染式、情感流露式或幽默智慧式。
下面,筆者結(jié)合學(xué)生習(xí)作,分析如何使用微技能,使寫(xiě)出精彩紛呈的150 詞不再是難事。
Dad opened the box and a sweet little dog appeared.It popped its head out with curiosity.At sight of Poppy,it leapt out of the box with pains-taking efforts,barking excitedly at her.Poppy sat up immediately and watched the new settler in amazement with her head held up.The little dog sniffed everywhere as if a new child explored a world of fun eagerly and boldly.Poppy couldn’t help approaching it cautiously.With her eyes fixed on it,she reached one paw hesitantly.It was not long before they ran to and fro and rolled together,pricking up their ears to hear a sound silently in the blink of an eye.Wrapped by their yapping and barking,parents smiled,puffing a sigh of relief,though occasionally Poppy was still found crouching,gazing at the door.
A few weeks later,the boy arrived home from the university.Hardly had the boy entered the room when Poppy let out a delighted bark and threw herself at the boy,her eyes sparkling with pleasure and her tail wagging furiously.The boy bent down and stroked Poppy,murmuring“You must be accustomed to life without me.Look,how energetic you are.”His parents rushed out of the kitchen.Mom hugged the boy with tears in her eyes and Dad looked with excitement,patting the boy on the back.All of a sudden,the boy caught sight of the adorable puppy and exclaimed,“Wow,a puppy for Poppy?”Dad explained with patience,“Just as you called us,telling us you had difficulty in fitting in with your life in the university,Poppy felt lonely as well at home.It occurred to your mother that,just as you adapted to your life with the company of your friends,so Poppy could cheer up with a puppy to accompany her.”Instantly,the first lonely month flashed across his mind.The cheerful boy came to understand that it was his parents that guided him and to his delight,Poppy took his place to keep his parents company in his absence.
續(xù)寫(xiě)中有許多動(dòng)作細(xì)節(jié)描寫(xiě)的精彩詞塊。比如,pop its head out,leap out of,bark excitedly,sit up,watch...in amazement with her head held up,sniff,approach,reach one paw,run to and fro,prick up their ears,crouch,tail wagging furiously 活靈活現(xiàn)地寫(xiě)出了狗狗的可愛(ài)和憨態(tài)可掬;wrapped by their yapping and barking,puff a sigh of relief,let out a delighted bark,throw oneself at,her eyes sparkling with pleasure,bend down,stroke 溫情地表達(dá)了人狗互動(dòng);hug with tears in eyes,pat the boy on the back 寫(xiě)出了父母與孩子分別多日再見(jiàn)面時(shí)的激動(dòng),符合人物身份,catch sight of the adorable puppy and exclaim 亦將孩子看見(jiàn)新成員時(shí)的驚喜躍然紙上;對(duì)于情感的描寫(xiě),則采用with curiosity/pleasure/excitement,in amazement,to one’s delight/relief,excitedly/cautiously/hesitantly/silently,delighted,cheerful,relief 等介詞詞組,副詞、形容詞及名詞相互轉(zhuǎn)換的形式來(lái)滿足不同句子成分的需求,反映主人公的情緒。文中at sight of,hardly...when 的時(shí)間狀語(yǔ)表達(dá),長(zhǎng)短句交替,句式結(jié)構(gòu)富于變化。非謂語(yǔ)的表達(dá)也是動(dòng)作場(chǎng)景不可或缺的點(diǎn)睛之筆,作者既觀察細(xì)致,又提升了全文的語(yǔ)言水平,淋漓盡致地展現(xiàn)了分詞、with 復(fù)合結(jié)構(gòu)和獨(dú)立主格結(jié)構(gòu)的妙用。It was not long before...,it occurred to sb.that...復(fù)合句使用準(zhǔn)確。更難能可貴的是,文章通過(guò)just as...,so...比喻修辭和 it was...that 強(qiáng)調(diào)句回扣主旨,同時(shí)為使用fit in with,adapt to,accompany 等高級(jí)詞匯提供了絕佳的機(jī)會(huì)。作者在最后升華主題時(shí),采用“Instantly,the first lonely month flashed across his mind.”引出回憶,推動(dòng)情節(jié)。最后一句道明人生哲理,使續(xù)文非常切題,把所有細(xì)節(jié)描寫(xiě)串起來(lái),為主旨服務(wù),也體現(xiàn)了主題升華是比較常見(jiàn)而實(shí)用的結(jié)尾。
當(dāng)然,細(xì)節(jié)描寫(xiě)等手段的使用要在服務(wù)于主旨的基礎(chǔ)上彰顯作者的詞匯和句式的語(yǔ)用能力,否則,也是空中樓閣,得不償失。
五忌諱包括:①忌科幻神話和穿越;②忌負(fù)能量;③忌添加新人物;④忌兩段續(xù)寫(xiě)詞數(shù)失衡;⑤忌詞匯與記敘文文風(fēng)格格不入。
讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)要潛移默化地發(fā)展學(xué)生的核心素養(yǎng),實(shí)現(xiàn)育人功能,因此忌諱負(fù)能量的情節(jié)構(gòu)思。教師應(yīng)提醒學(xué)生注意避免創(chuàng)作出科幻神話(動(dòng)植物會(huì)說(shuō)話等)及穿越劇類續(xù)寫(xiě),要使續(xù)寫(xiě)內(nèi)容情節(jié)合理而不跳躍,語(yǔ)句短小精悍,簡(jiǎn)約而不簡(jiǎn)單,詞語(yǔ)精準(zhǔn)貼切。描寫(xiě)手法凝練而不單調(diào)。敘述口吻要保持客觀冷靜,不能出現(xiàn)太多口頭禪、夸張或過(guò)激的言辭。
讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)作為一種讀寫(xiě)結(jié)合的綜合考查形式,有一定的難度。學(xué)生讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)能力的提升不可能一蹴而就,需要長(zhǎng)期努力。讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)題是以閱讀文本和批判性思維為基礎(chǔ),以情節(jié)創(chuàng)造和語(yǔ)言模仿為手段,把輸入與輸出的語(yǔ)言水準(zhǔn)盡力拉平,從而全面提升學(xué)生的英語(yǔ)語(yǔ)言能力的一種有料、有趣和有效的語(yǔ)言學(xué)習(xí)手段。