As a stay-at-home dad， I am the economic equivalent of a zero.

This revelation came to me at my local Costco where， upon checkout， I am often asked to apply for their new cashback credit card. Usually， I politely decline， preferring to leave the crowded store with my bulging shopping cart.

I finally gave in. “Sure， why not？” I said when asked for the umpteenth time.

A kind lady escorted me to Customer Service. We began the application process cheerfully.

“Just a few questions， sir，” the kind lady said， starting with name， address and postal code. She worked down the list toward “occupation” .

“What do you do for a living， sir？”

“Im a stay-at-home dad，” I replied confidently.

She paused， unsure of what to write， and temporarily left the field blank.

“Employer？”

“My wife，” I laughed. The kind lady chuckled.

“Income？”

I do some odd jobs here and there so I told her “about$10，000.”

She looked at me， hesitant again， and queried： “Per month？”

I laughed heartily. “Per year.”

“Ill tell you what， sir. Im gonna write you in as a student with an annual income of $15，000.”

Thats kind of weird， I thought. “Do they give cards to students？” I asked.

“Oh yes， sir. No problems if you fill the form this way.”

“Alright.”

I shrugged and walked away， thanking the kind lady. It didnt hit me at first， but as I was pushing my cart， an indignant voice rose from within. I didnt want to lie about my occupation. Im proud to be a stay-at-home dad. I finally became comfortable telling people what I do， so now， I wont be marginalized！

I went back to the kind lady and said： “Listen， I dont want to lie on my application.”

She said she was only trying to help. If she wrote the truth Id be rejected. I thanked her for her efforts but asked her to tear up my application. “Absolutely， sir，” she said.“Sorry for the trouble.”

I left the store feeling unloved by our Gross Domestic Product. Dont get me wrong， Im not too hung up about this. Stay-at-home moms have faced these types of issues a lot longer than I have. But it can sure feel like a thankless job， sometimes. （Yes， I am comparing the work of stay-athome parents to that of paid positions.） Our work—cooking， cleaning， taking care of the kids—is important.

Why do I feel a bit insecure at times when I declare my status as stay-at-home dad？ Why do I occasionally feel compelled to append： “Im a writer， too”？ Is it not enough to be simply a stay-at-home dad？ Sometimes， the caveman inside me wants to jump out with his big stick and grunt：“Me man！ Me should support family！” Years of cultural conditioning are hard to cast aside.

Then I ponder： What does it really mean to be a man？ I have concluded that it isnt about how much money you make， or how well you can frame a stud wall （though that is a useful skill for anyone）. To me， its more about being true to yourself and to those you love; to be responsible， caring， honest and patient. And it is possible to be more than one thing. Yes， I am a stay-at-home dad. Yes， I am a writer.

As for the economic merits of paying stay-at-home parents， I will leave that debate to the policy makers and special-interest groups. While my work is not counted by the economy， it is acknowledged by those who matter most to me： my family.

By staying at home， I had more time to teach my sons how to ride their bikes. I learned to cook a mean homemade chicken noodle soup. Ive been fortunate enough to attend every school concert or performance my kids have been in. Ive developed a unique bond with my children， one I dont think I would have achieved within the same time frame had I gone back to work.

I am okay with being financially dependent on my wife—we made that decision together. We made a monetary sacrifice. It works for our family， but I dont claim the arrangement is better or worse than anyone elses.

One day， when our kids are a bit older， Ill jump back into the paid work force. When that day comes， Ill miss cutting the crusts off their sandwiches every day， and picking them up at the bus stop. Ill think fondly of the day my youngest son said： “I wanna be a stay-at-home dad and a writer when I grow up.”

And next time Costco asks me if I want to apply for their new cash-back credit card， Ill smile and say： “No thank you. But you could try asking my wife.”

作為一個(gè)全職爸爸，我的經(jīng)濟(jì)價(jià)值等于零。

在我家當(dāng)?shù)氐暮檬卸嘟Y(jié)賬時(shí)，我認(rèn)識(shí)到了這一點(diǎn)。他們經(jīng)常會(huì)問(wèn)我要不要申請(qǐng)他們的新現(xiàn)金支取信用卡。通常，由于更想帶著我那滿(mǎn)滿(mǎn)的購(gòu)物車(chē)離開(kāi)擁擠的人群，我都會(huì)禮貌地拒絕。

我最后還是投降了。“沒(méi)問(wèn)題，為什么不呢？”當(dāng)?shù)贜次被問(wèn)到這個(gè)問(wèn)題時(shí)，我這樣回答道。

一位親切的女士把我?guī)У搅丝蛻?hù)服務(wù)中心。我們?cè)谟淇斓姆諊麻_(kāi)始了申請(qǐng)流程。

“問(wèn)您幾個(gè)問(wèn)題，先生，”親切的女士說(shuō)道，從姓名，地址以及郵編開(kāi)始。她接著往下問(wèn)到了“職業(yè)”。

“您從事什么職業(yè)呢，先生？”

“我是個(gè)全職爸爸，”我自信地回答道。

她停了下來(lái)，不確定要怎么填，就暫時(shí)把那處留空。

“雇主是？”

“我妻子，”我大笑道。親切的女士咯咯地笑了起來(lái)。

“收入？”

我有到處做一些零工，所以我跟她說(shuō)：“1萬(wàn)美元左右。”

她再次遲疑地看著我，詢(xún)問(wèn)道：“每月？”

我哈哈大笑：“每年。”

“請(qǐng)注意，先生。我要把你寫(xiě)成是個(gè)年收入為1萬(wàn)5千美元的學(xué)生。”

那有點(diǎn)奇怪，我想道?！八麄儠?huì)給學(xué)生開(kāi)卡嗎？”我問(wèn)道。

“會(huì)的，先生。只要你這么填就沒(méi)有問(wèn)題?！?/p>

“好吧?！?/p>

我邊聳肩離開(kāi)邊向那位女士表示感謝。剛開(kāi)始，我并不覺(jué)得那有什么，但當(dāng)我推著購(gòu)物車(chē)的時(shí)候，我的內(nèi)心響起了一個(gè)憤怒的聲音。我不想就我的職業(yè)撒謊。我對(duì)自己是一名全職爸爸感到自豪。我總算能自在地跟別人說(shuō)起自己是做什么的了，所以現(xiàn)在，我不要被邊緣化。

我掉頭回去找那位親切的女士，對(duì)她說(shuō)：“聽(tīng)著，我不想就我的職業(yè)撒謊?！?/p>

她說(shuō)她只是想幫忙。如果她照實(shí)寫(xiě)的話(huà)，我會(huì)被拒絕的。我對(duì)她的努力表示了感謝，但同時(shí)要求她銷(xiāo)毀我的申請(qǐng)?！爱?dāng)然沒(méi)問(wèn)題，先生。”她說(shuō)道?！氨附o您造成了麻煩?！?/p>

我離開(kāi)了商店，感覺(jué)自己是個(gè)被國(guó)內(nèi)生產(chǎn)總值唾棄的人。不要誤會(huì)，我并不對(duì)此十分介懷。比起我，全職媽媽很久以前就開(kāi)始遇到這些問(wèn)題。但能肯定的是，有時(shí)候，這真是一份吃力不討好的工作。（沒(méi)錯(cuò)，我是在把全職父母的工作與有報(bào)酬的工作相比較。）我們的工作——煮飯、打掃、照顧孩子——是很重要的。

為什么有時(shí)候當(dāng)我說(shuō)自己是個(gè)全職爸爸時(shí)，我會(huì)感到有點(diǎn)不自信呢？為什么我有時(shí)會(huì)不由得加上一句：“我也是個(gè)作家”呢？難道僅僅做一個(gè)全職爸爸是不夠的嗎？有時(shí)候，我心里的那個(gè)野人想要提著他的大棍子跳出來(lái)，大聲嚷嚷：“我是個(gè)男人！我應(yīng)該要養(yǎng)家糊口！”長(zhǎng)年的社會(huì)文化熏陶是很難去除的。

然后我想：一個(gè)男人的真正含義是什么？我得出的結(jié)論是：這并不在于你賺多少錢(qián)，也不在于你能把立柱墻架得有多么好（盡管這是個(gè)對(duì)任何人來(lái)說(shuō)都很實(shí)用的技能）。對(duì)我而言，更重要的是要真實(shí)地面對(duì)自己以及自己所愛(ài)的人。要有責(zé)任感、體貼、誠(chéng)實(shí)和有耐心。此外，身兼多職也是可行的。沒(méi)錯(cuò)，我是個(gè)全職爸爸。沒(méi)錯(cuò)，我是個(gè)作家。

至于給全職父母支付薪酬的經(jīng)濟(jì)價(jià)值何在，我還是把這個(gè)問(wèn)題留給政策制定人和特殊群體利益代表小組去爭(zhēng)論吧。雖然我的工作無(wú)法用經(jīng)濟(jì)價(jià)值來(lái)衡量，但卻受到我最重要的人的認(rèn)可：我的家人。

留在家里，我有了更多的時(shí)間教兒子騎單車(chē)。我學(xué)會(huì)了做好吃的家常雞肉面湯。我兒子參加的每一場(chǎng)學(xué)校音樂(lè)會(huì)和表演，我都有幸到場(chǎng)。我和孩子們培養(yǎng)出了一份獨(dú)一無(wú)二的感情，如果我回去工作了，我不認(rèn)為自己能在同樣的時(shí)間內(nèi)做到這一點(diǎn)。

我可以接受在經(jīng)濟(jì)上依靠我妻子——我們共同作出了這個(gè)決定。我們作出了金錢(qián)上的犧牲。這在我家行得通，但我不會(huì)因此就說(shuō)這個(gè)決定比其他人的要好或差。

總有一天，當(dāng)我們孩子長(zhǎng)大一點(diǎn)的時(shí)候，我會(huì)重新參加有薪酬的工作。當(dāng)那天來(lái)臨時(shí)，我會(huì)想念每天切掉他們的三文治硬皮，到公交站接他們的那些日子的。我會(huì)愉快地想起我小兒子那天說(shuō)出的那番話(huà)：“我長(zhǎng)大后想當(dāng)一個(gè)全職爸爸和作家?！?/p>

當(dāng)下次好市多再問(wèn)我要不要申請(qǐng)他們的新現(xiàn)金支取信用卡時(shí)，我會(huì)笑著說(shuō)：“不了，謝謝。但你可以問(wèn)問(wèn)我妻子?！?/p>