浙江 彭文國

【問題導(dǎo)讀】

讀后續(xù)寫的文體都是故事性很強(qiáng)的記敘文。 根據(jù)歷年高考的設(shè)題，原文一般都提供故事的背景、承啟和發(fā)展。而故事的高潮部分，也就是故事設(shè)計(jì)的矛盾解決部分一般都會(huì)放在續(xù)寫部分，以便考查考生對故事情節(jié)的理解能力、對故事主線的把控能力、對故事高潮發(fā)展的構(gòu)思和想象能力，以及設(shè)計(jì)故事矛盾解決的語言表達(dá)能力。因此，構(gòu)思故事情節(jié)、設(shè)計(jì)故事中矛盾解決的方式和方法是讀后續(xù)寫的主要考查點(diǎn)。

如高考改革試驗(yàn)區(qū)浙江2020年7月的讀后續(xù)寫，作者和妻子去拍攝北極熊的照片，結(jié)果引來了北極熊的造訪。 在原文的故事中，作者用胡椒粉噴霧暫時(shí)趕走了這只北極熊，文章的伏筆就在這里。 既然是暫時(shí)趕走，那么這只北極熊還是會(huì)回來。 接下來才是真正的挑戰(zhàn)，也就是故事的高潮。

續(xù)寫第一段的段首句是“A few minutes later, the bear headed back to our camp.”。 根據(jù)故事的發(fā)展，本段就是故事發(fā)展的高潮，故事的設(shè)計(jì)需要解決如何對付熊被激怒后，攻擊變得更加兇猛的問題。

再如上期中的舉例，父親去濕地教孩子打獵，而孩子不喜歡打獵，喜歡攝影。續(xù)寫第一段的段首句是 “His father asked with apparent anger, ‘Why didn't you shoot?’”，本句就是矛盾發(fā)展的高潮，而本段續(xù)寫就是要求考生根據(jù)故事發(fā)展的線索，設(shè)計(jì)出解決矛盾的故事情節(jié)。

【名師導(dǎo)學(xué)】

一、根據(jù)文章的結(jié)構(gòu)和續(xù)寫的提示句構(gòu)思續(xù)寫部分的故事情節(jié)

設(shè)計(jì)續(xù)寫故事情節(jié)一定要結(jié)合原文的信息要素和故事發(fā)展的特征來進(jìn)行。在設(shè)計(jì)續(xù)寫部分故事情節(jié)的時(shí)候，首先要對原文的信息要素有清楚的了解， 理清原文要素之間的關(guān)系，這樣才能對原文的故事有深刻、 準(zhǔn)確的理解，從而對原文故事的背景、承啟、轉(zhuǎn)折、發(fā)展等關(guān)系有準(zhǔn)確的認(rèn)識。

以2020年7月浙江高考卷為例：

One fall, my wife Elli and I had a single goal: to photograph polar bears. We were staying at a research camp outside “the polar bear capital of the world”—the town of Churchill in Manitoba, Canada.

Taking pictures of polar bears is amazing but also dangerous. Polar bears—like all wild animals—should be photographed from a safe distance. When I'm face to face with a polar bear, I like it to be through a camera with a telephoto lens. But sometimes, that is easier said than done. This was one of those times.

As Elli and I cooked dinner, a young male polar bear who was playing in a nearby lake sniffed, and smelled our garlic bread.

The hungry bear followed his nose to our camp, which was surrounded by a high wire fence. He pulled and bit the wire. He stood on his back legs and pushed at the wooden fence posts.

Terrified, Elli and I tried all the bear defense actions we knew. We yelled at the bear,hit pots hard, and fired blank shotgun shells into the air. Sometimes loud noises like these will scare bears off. Not this polar bear though—he just kept trying to tear down the fence with his massive paws (爪子).

I radioed the camp manager for help. He told me a helicopter was on its way, but it would be 30 minutes before it arrived. Making the best of this close encounter (相遇), I took some pictures of the bear.

Elli and I feared the fence wouldn't last through 30 more minutes of the bear's punishment. The camp manager suggested I use pepper spray. The spray burns the bears' eyes, but doesn't hurt them. So I approached our uninvited guest slowly and, through the fence, sprayed him in the face. With an angry roar (吼叫), the bear ran to the lake to wash his eyes.

Paragraph 1:

A few minutes later, the bear headed back to our camp._____________________________

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Paragraph 2:

At that very moment, the helicopter arrived.

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本文的主題語境是人與自然，主要是關(guān)于作者、作者的妻子Elli和一只北極熊的故事。

●故事的基本要素

Who: my wife Elli and I, a young male polar bear

Where: a research camp in Manitoba, Canada

When: one fall

Why: to photograph polar bears

●故事情節(jié)

背景：My wife Elli and I went to photograph polar bears in the town of Churchill in Manitoba, Canada.

承啟：A young male polar bear was attracted to our camp by our dinner smell.

The bear pushed at the wooden fence posts.

發(fā)展：We tried our best to drive it away,but in vain.

I sprayed pepper spray to the bear's face.

The bear was angry and ran to the lake to wash his eyes.

高潮：A few minutes later, the bear headed back to our camp.

結(jié)果：At that very moment, the helicopter arrived.

本文續(xù)寫的要求就是要描寫高潮部分和最后的結(jié)果部分。 根據(jù)文章的發(fā)展，續(xù)寫第一段內(nèi)容要有符合原文故事發(fā)展的合理情節(jié)，我們要用生動(dòng)的語言描述人和熊斗智斗勇的情景。 而根據(jù)續(xù)寫第二段的段首句， 也就是“At that very moment, the helicopter arrived.”可知，故事的最終設(shè)計(jì)應(yīng)該是“我們”在和熊的斗爭中全身而退，因此故事的設(shè)計(jì)要以此為基礎(chǔ)。

根據(jù)文章內(nèi)容，我們可以判斷出文章的立意是培養(yǎng)學(xué)生熱愛自然、注重安全、自我保護(hù)的核心素養(yǎng)。 因此，續(xù)寫時(shí)一定要注意過程兇險(xiǎn)，但是結(jié)局美好。 千萬不要出現(xiàn)任何有關(guān)人或熊受到傷害的殘忍情節(jié)。

二、用生動(dòng)的語言豐富具體細(xì)節(jié)

在確定好了故事的情節(jié)、語言的基調(diào)之后，我們在敘述故事情節(jié)時(shí)，要用語言、動(dòng)作、場景等來支持和襯托情節(jié)。

1. 支持文章構(gòu)思的情感描述。根據(jù)故事的發(fā)展，在語言上，我們可以用表達(dá)驚慌失措的詞和句子，如anger、frighten、terror、“What can we do?”等。

2. 用生動(dòng)的動(dòng)作描述詞匯來支持文章的故事。在本文中，動(dòng)作設(shè)計(jì)可以有熊的動(dòng)作，如attack the fence even more violently、pound the fence；可以有“我”的動(dòng)作，也可以有妻子的動(dòng)作，如“She grabbed a big piece of garlic bread from the plate and threw it across the fence.”“Climbing quickly into the helicopter, I slowly recollected myself! ”。

3. 支持文章構(gòu)思的場景描述。場景是襯托故事非常重要的因素，在故事的發(fā)展中起著非常重要的作用。 在記述故事的發(fā)展過程中，我們可以借助場景的描寫來烘托氣氛。 如本文中， 我們可以使用場景描寫的詞匯和句子：“She grabbed a big piece of garlic bread from the plate and threw it across the fence, which immediately drew the bear's attention. It stopped pounding the fence and walked towards the bread, but came back again in a minute when it finished the bread.”。

三、參考范文及分析

1. 參考范文

A few minutes later, the bear headed back to our camp. Probably angered by the spray, the bear started attacking the fence even more violently. Not knowing what to do, I just stood frozen there. Apparently, Elli was in a much more clear head facing this critical situation.She grabbed a big piece of garlic bread from the plate and threw it across the fence, which immediately drew the bear's attention. It stopped pounding the fence and walked towards the bread, but came back again in a minute when it finished the bread.

At that very moment, the helicopter arrived.The noises of the helicopter frightened the bear away, which leaped clumsily into the bush. Although it disappeared temporarily, we dared not remain there anymore. Climbing quickly into the helicopter, I slowly recollected myself! At our request, the helicopter circled the snowy area to follow the bear, so that we could take more photographs of the bear running along through the bush. The day was really an adventure, but I thought it was worthwhile. The pictures taken that day were very beautiful. I felt the close-up snaps we took were worth the danger experienced.

2. 范文分析

（1）續(xù)寫范文情節(jié)構(gòu)思合理，和原文的故事高度契合。 故事結(jié)尾有驚無險(xiǎn)，而且作者最后很滿意自己當(dāng)天的攝影成果，符合原文作者熱愛攝影、熱愛自然、熱愛動(dòng)物的本性。

（2）續(xù)寫范文設(shè)計(jì)構(gòu)思巧妙。 范文在剛開始就很巧妙地聯(lián)系了原文故事中的細(xì)節(jié)：“The spray burns the bears' eyes, but doesn't hurt them.”。 續(xù) 寫 用 了 “Probably angered by the spray, the bear started attacking the fence even more violently.”， 這讓續(xù)寫的構(gòu)思和原文有機(jī)地結(jié)合了起來。

（3）續(xù)寫范文的語言風(fēng)格和原文保持了高度的一致。情感的描述、動(dòng)作的呈現(xiàn)、過程的敘述都和原文語言色彩一致。 如the bear started attacking the fence even more violently、I slowly recollected myself等。

（4）續(xù)寫范文語言精彩，使用了豐富的詞匯和語言結(jié)構(gòu)。 如豐富的詞匯：

attack the fence 攻擊籬笆critical situation危急時(shí)刻 pound the fence 撞擊籬笆leap clumsily 笨拙地跳躍draw the bear's attention吸引了熊的注意recollect myself 恢復(fù)了狀態(tài)at our request 在我們的請求下

高級句式結(jié)構(gòu)：

Probably angered by the spray, the bear started attacking the fence even more violently.可能是被噴霧激怒了，這只熊開始更猛烈地攻擊柵欄。 （本句使用了過去分詞作原因狀語）

Not knowing what to do, I just stood frozen there with terror. 由于不知所措，我害怕地呆立在那里。 （本句使用了現(xiàn)在分詞作原因狀語）

She grabbed a big piece of garlic bread from the plate and threw it across the fence,which immediately drew the bear's attention. 她從盤子里拿出一大塊蒜蓉面包，從柵欄上扔出去，這立刻引起了熊的注意。（本句使用了非限制性定語從句）

Climbing quickly into the helicopter, I slowly recollected myself! 我迅速爬上直升機(jī)，慢慢地恢復(fù)了狀態(tài)！ （本句使用了現(xiàn)在分詞作時(shí)間狀語）

【模擬導(dǎo)練】

閱讀下面短文，根據(jù)所給情節(jié)進(jìn)行續(xù)寫，使之構(gòu)成一個(gè)完整的故事。特別注意續(xù)寫故事的構(gòu)思。

A 12-year-old boy saw a beautiful brooch(胸針) in a shop window that set his heart racing. But the price—five dollars—was too high for Kevin. Five_dollars would buy almost a week's food for his family.

Kevin couldn't ask his father for the money.Everything his father made through fishing went to his mother, Dora. Slim and beautiful, she was the center of the home, the glue that held it together. The housework was never-ending, and she struggled to support their five children, but she was happy as her family and their well-being were all she cared about.

Nevertheless, he opened the shop's weathered door and went inside. Standing proud and straight in his flour-sack shirt and washed-out trousers, he told the shopkeeper what he wanted,adding, “But I don't have the money right now.Can you please hold it for some time?”

“I'll try,” the shopkeeper smiled. “People around here don't usually have that kind of money to spend on things. It should keep for a while.”

Kevin respectfully touched his worn cap and walked out.

He would raise the money and not tell anybody, for he thought Mum would get surprised when she saw that brooch. On hearing the sound of hammering from a side street, Kevin suddenly had an idea that he could raise money by selling the used nail bags. People built their own buildings in Bay Roberts, using nails bought in bags from a local factory. Sometimes the used nail bags were thrown away at the construction site,and Kevin knew he could sell them back to the factory for five cents a piece.

That day he sold two nail bags and hid the money in a rusty soda tin.

注意：

1. 所續(xù)寫短文的詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右；

2. 應(yīng)使用至少5個(gè)短文中標(biāo)有下劃線的關(guān)鍵詞；

3. 續(xù)寫部分分為兩段，每段的開頭語已為你寫好。

Paragraph 1:

Every day after school, Kevin started his plan.___________________________________

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Paragraph 2:

Finally, the time came!_______________

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參考范文

Every day after school, Kevin started his plan. Cold and hungry, Kevin wandered the streets, searching for the nail bags carefully. To save more money, he even decided to deliver papers in the early morning. Exhausted and tired as he felt, he still stuck to the plan. It was the brooch in the shop window that reminded him that what he did was worthwhile. After a long time of hard work, he made it eventually.

Finally, the time came! He took out the soda tin, poured the coins out and began to count. Five dollars! His hard work paid off!Holding the soda tin firmly, Kevin rushed for the shop to buy the brooch. The moment he got the beautiful brooch, he ran back as fast as he could, breathless all the way. Arriving home, he burst through the front door and placed it in his mother's hand. Never had Dora received such a gift. Speechless and happy, she held her son tightly into her arms, with tears welling up in her eyes.

【評價(jià)導(dǎo)思】

1. 故事構(gòu)思是否合理：

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2. 情節(jié)表達(dá)是否到位：

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3. 語言運(yùn)用是否豐富：

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