莫炎芬

讀后續(xù)寫是近年高考試卷中書面表達(dá)的重要題型，要完成續(xù)寫，我們需要先理解原文的情節(jié)，構(gòu)建情境模式，而后完成續(xù)寫內(nèi)容。在續(xù)寫的過程中，我們構(gòu)建的情境模式需與原文協(xié)同，以確保續(xù)寫的內(nèi)容和語言風(fēng)格與原文連貫、一致。目前我們在讀后續(xù)寫中存在的普遍問題主要是對原文的解讀不夠深入，這導(dǎo)致在續(xù)寫過程中，續(xù)寫內(nèi)容往往會出現(xiàn)故事情節(jié)偏離主題、角色性格前后矛盾、伏筆未能回收、角色引入不當(dāng)、時空前后混亂、結(jié)局模糊與價值升華缺失等問題。要避免這些問題，我們應(yīng)從多角度解讀文本。

【名師導(dǎo)學(xué)】

1. 解讀角色信息。首先，我們要關(guān)注角色的性格特征。作者往往通過角色的外貌、行為、心理活動，甚至是角色形象的局部或細(xì)微變化來表現(xiàn)其獨有的思想、品質(zhì)、習(xí)慣、價值取向等。另外，我們要分析角色關(guān)系。在故事中往往會出現(xiàn)多個角色，這就需要我們在閱讀過程中，準(zhǔn)確地分析他們之間的關(guān)系。

2. 解讀故事時空線。故事發(fā)生的時間、地點是故事發(fā)展的要素。我們尤其要關(guān)注時空的轉(zhuǎn)換帶來的情節(jié)變化。我們在閱讀的過程中，可以在原文中畫出所有時空信息。

3. 解讀故事情節(jié)線。故事的情節(jié)線是故事發(fā)展的脈絡(luò)，也是我們俗稱的明線。情節(jié)線主要圍繞故事的時間、地點、人物、事件、高潮、結(jié)局展開，我們可以在閱讀原文的過程中畫出關(guān)鍵的名詞和動詞來把握故事發(fā)展的過程和細(xì)節(jié)，也可以借助“故事山”或思維導(dǎo)圖來分析故事的情節(jié)線。

4. 解讀情感發(fā)展線。故事的情感線也稱為暗線，關(guān)注角色的情感變化的過程和原因是解讀原文的重要抓手。了解故事中主人公的情緒變化，有助于我們了解作者的寫作意圖和觀點態(tài)度。由于作者多借助形容詞、副詞來表現(xiàn)人物的情感發(fā)展和變化，進(jìn)而表情達(dá)意，所以我們在閱讀原文的過程中，可以關(guān)注原文中的形容詞和副詞。

【案例導(dǎo)引】

I have recently completed my college degree. The last class I had to take was Sociology. The teacher was absolutely inspiring with the qualities that I wish every human being had been graced with.

Her last project of the term was called “Smile”. The class was asked to go out and

smile at three people and document their reactions. I am a very friendly person and always smile at everyone and say hello anyway， so I thought this would be a piece of cake， literally.

Soon after we were assigned the project， my classmates and I went out to a popular restaurant on a freezing March morning. We were standing in line， waiting to be served， when all of a sudden everyone around us began to back away， and then even my classmates did. I did not move an inch. An overwhelming feeling of panic welled up inside of me as I turned to see why they had moved. As I turned around， I smelled a horrible “dirty body” smell， and standing there behind me were two poor homeless men.

As I looked down at the shorter gentleman， close to me， he was smiling. His beautiful sky？鄄blue eyes were full of light as he searched for acceptance. He said “Good day” as he counted the few coins he had been clutching.

The second man fumbled with his hands as he stood behind his friend. I realized the second man was mentally deficient. I held my tears as I stood there with them.

The young lady behind the counter asked the shorter gentleman what they wanted. He said， “Coffee is all， Miss.” That was all they could afford to be able to sit in the restaurant and warm up. They had to buy something. They just wanted to be warm. Then I really felt it， a compulsion so great that I almost reached out and embraced the little man with the blue eyes. That was when I noticed all eyes in the restaurant were set on me， judging my reaction. I smiled and asked the young lady behind the counter to give me two more breakfast meals.

注意：

1. 所續(xù)寫短文的詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右;

2. 續(xù)寫部分分為兩段，每段的開頭語已為你寫好。

Paragraph 1：

I then walked around the corner to the table that the men had chosen as a resting spot.

Paragraph 2：

Several days later， our teacher learned the story.

三、原文中的豐富句式和巧妙用詞

（一）豐富的句式

1.?Soon?after?we?were?assigned?the?project，?my?classmates?and?I?went?out?to?a?popular?restaurant?on?a?freezing?March?morning.?我們被分配到這個項目后不久，我和

我的同學(xué)在三月里一個寒冷的早晨去了一家很受歡迎的餐廳。

分析：作者和同學(xué)接受了老師布置的項目后，來到一家很受歡迎的餐廳，這樣的餐廳通常應(yīng)該是很多人光顧的，然而后面的poor?homeless?men光臨時卻無人歡迎。另外，該句交代了故事發(fā)生的天氣狀況——a?freezing?March?morning，這樣寒冷的天氣背景為后文流浪漢來買咖啡以求一處取暖之地的情節(jié)埋下伏筆。此句中，soon?after意為“不久之后”，后跟時間狀語從句。

2.?As?I?turned?around，?I?smelled?a?horrible“dirty?body”?smell，?and?standing?there?behind?me?were?two?poor?homeless?men.?當(dāng)我轉(zhuǎn)過身，我聞到了一股刺鼻的體臭味，站在我身后的是兩個可憐的流浪漢。

分析：a?horrible?“dirty?body”?smell說明了兩個流浪漢讓餐廳的其他人避而遠(yuǎn)之的原因，也更加凸顯了作者主動幫他們買早餐的可貴之處。另外，standing?there?behindme?were?two?poor?homeless?men為倒裝句，強(qiáng)調(diào)了兩位“不速之客”的到來，豐富了文章的句式。

（二）巧妙的用詞

文章多處通過情感、心理和動作細(xì)節(jié)描寫刻畫人物形象和表達(dá)人物的內(nèi)心活動，使讀者身臨其境。例如：

1.?We?were?standing?in?line，?waiting?to?be?served，?when?all?of?a?sudden?everyone?around?us?began?to?back?away，?and?then?even?my?classmates?did.?我們正在排隊等候服務(wù)，突然，我們周圍的每個人都開始后退，甚至我的同學(xué)也后退了。

分析：back?away生動地表現(xiàn)了眾人對兩個流浪漢的嫌棄。

2.?I?did?not?move?an?inch.?An?overwhelming?feeling?of?panic?welled?up?inside?of?me?as?I?turned?to?see?why?they?had?moved.?我一動也沒動。當(dāng)我轉(zhuǎn)過頭來想看看他們?yōu)槭裁匆苿訒r，一種強(qiáng)烈的恐慌情緒涌上了我的心頭。

分析：move?an?inch、an?overwhelming?feeling和welled?up都十分生動形象地描寫了作者當(dāng)時的反應(yīng)和情感的變化。

3.?He?said“Good?day”?as?he?counted?the?few?coins?he?had?been?clutching.?他一邊數(shù)著那幾枚一直攥著的硬幣，一邊說“你好”。

分析：counted和had?been?clutching讓這個流浪漢捉襟見肘的窘境躍然紙上，十分傳神。

4.?I?held?my?tears?as?I?stood?there?with?them.?我強(qiáng)忍著淚水，和他們站在一起。

分析：held?my?tears刻畫了作者當(dāng)時復(fù)雜的心情，既為他們的處境感到傷心，又要挺身而出，幫他們一把。

5.?That?was?when?I?noticed?all?eyes?in?the?restaurant?were?set?on?me，?judging?my?reaction.?就在那時，我注意到餐廳里所有人的目光都聚焦在我身上，（他們）評判著我的反應(yīng)。

分析：用all?eyes?in?the?restaurant?were?set?on?me來描寫其他人的反應(yīng)，正確且形象。

四、重視協(xié)同效應(yīng)，利用問題鏈驅(qū)動續(xù)寫

1.?語言協(xié)同：巧設(shè)問題鏈，分析文本語言特點。

問題鏈一：

（1）原文語言有什么特點？

（2）文中有哪些能作為伏筆的句子或好詞好句？

通過閱讀原文，我們可以體會原文中freezing、back?away、welled?up、clutching、all

eyes?were?set?on?me等巧妙用詞，這些表達(dá)實現(xiàn)了對情感、心理和動作細(xì)節(jié)的描寫。文中還有倒裝句standing?there?behind?me?were?two?poor?homeless?men、現(xiàn)在分詞作狀語

all?eyes?in?the?restaurant?were?set?on?me，?judging?my?reaction等表達(dá)。

分析原文語言風(fēng)格，為了實現(xiàn)續(xù)寫的語言風(fēng)格與原文語言風(fēng)格一致，可以使用準(zhǔn)確的描寫、倒裝句、現(xiàn)在分詞作狀語、無靈主語來表達(dá)人物的動作和心理活動。

2.?情感協(xié)同：巧設(shè)問題鏈，解讀人物性格及情感。

問題鏈二：

（1）核心人物“我”有怎樣的性格特點？

（2）最能體現(xiàn)“我”性格特點或情感的句子有哪些？

（3）其他主要人物有何性格特點？

原文中，作者對自己的性格有明確的描寫，比如：a?very?friendly?person?and?always?smile?at?everyone。最能體現(xiàn)“我”的性格特點或情感的句子有an?overwhelming?feeling?of?panic?welled?up?inside?of?me、I?held?my?tears、I?smiled?and?asked?the?young?lady等。其他主要人物的性格特點，通過他們在關(guān)鍵時刻的反應(yīng)，就鮮明地表現(xiàn)出來了。

3.?情節(jié)協(xié)同：巧設(shè)問題鏈，構(gòu)思情節(jié)內(nèi)容。

問題鏈三：

根據(jù)續(xù)寫第一段的段首句“I?then?walked?around?the?corner?to?the?table?that?the

men?had?chosen?as?a?resting?spot.”，可設(shè)計以下問題鏈，推動情節(jié)發(fā)展。

（1）“我”把早餐給兩個流浪漢后，他們的反應(yīng)如何？

（2）餐廳的其他人的反應(yīng)如何？

（3）店家的反應(yīng)如何？

（4）“我”的反應(yīng)如何？

根據(jù)續(xù)寫第二段的段首句“Several?days?later，?our?teacher?learned?the?story.”，可設(shè)計以下問題鏈，推動情節(jié)發(fā)展。

（1）老師得知這個故事后會有何反應(yīng)？

（2）“我”會怎樣做？

（3）“我”的感悟是什么？

總之，巧設(shè)問題鏈可引導(dǎo)我們思考續(xù)寫情節(jié)的方向，培養(yǎng)我們構(gòu)思讀后續(xù)寫內(nèi)容的能力。

【參考范文】

I?then?walked?around?the?corner?to?the?table?that?the?men?had?chosen?as?a?resting?spot.?I?put?the?tray?on?the?table?and?laid?my?hand?on?the?shorter?gentleman？蒺s?cold?hand.?He?looked?up?at?me，?with?tears?in?his?eyes，?and?said，?“Thank?you.”?I?leaned?over，?began?to?pat?his?hand?and?said，?“I?don？蒺t?do?this?for?you.?I?do?this?for?all?the?kindness?I?received.”?At?this?moment，?the?restaurant?resounded?with?thunderous?applause.?Then?the?young?lady?came?to?me，?returning?my?money，?but?I?refused.

Several?days?later，?our?teacher?learned?the?story.?She?called?and?invited?me?to?make?a?speech?for?the?freshmen.?I?told?the?freshmen?we?all?had?been?helped?by?others?in?the?past，?and?we?all?want?the?world?to?be?a?place?full?of?love?and?kindness，?so?let？蒺s?start?from?small?things?and?start?from?ourselves.?The?easiest?thing?is?smiling?at?all?the?people?around?us，?no?matter?how?they?look，?and?lending?a?helping?hand?whenever?necessary.?Only?in?this?way?can?we?make?the?world?more?harmonious.

【模擬導(dǎo)練】

閱讀下面短文，根據(jù)所給情節(jié)進(jìn)行續(xù)寫，使之構(gòu)成一個完整的故事。

Lying?in?bed?with?my?husband，?Gary，?then?50，?we?were?recalling.?I?first?met?Gary?at?the?yoghurt?shop?where?I?worked.?He？蒺s?cute，?I?thought，?begging?my?friend?to?set?us?up.?Tying?the?knot?18?months?later，?in?1988，?we?couldn？蒺t?wait?to?start?a?family.?Fast?forward?31?years，?we?were?now?the?proud?parents?of?Matthew，?31，?Andrew，?28，?Alex，?25，?Sophia，?21，?and?Samuel，?18.?Our?four?eldest?kids?had?flown?the?coop，?and?Samuel，?in?his?final?year?of?school，?was?preparing?to?follow?in?their?footsteps.?With?six?bedrooms，?Gary?and?I?wondered?what?we?would?do?once?we?became?empty?nesters.

“Maybe?we?should?sell?the?house，”?Gary?suggested.?But?over?the?next?six?months，?we?never?got?around?to?it.?Furthermore，?we?were?busy?as?foster?carers，?which?we？蒺d?done?for?the?past?five?years.?Though?I?loved?every?child?who?stayed?with?us，?we?had?no?plans?to?have?any?youngsters?permanently.?After?all，?we？蒺d?raised?five?kids?already.

Then，?scrolling?through?Internet?in?January，?2019，?I?saw?an?article.?“Seven?siblings?in?need?of?a?good?home，”?it?read，?beside?a?photo?of?the?kids?in?their?best?clothes.?My?heart?went?out?to?their?hopeful?smiles.?Reading，?I?discovered?the?children—Adeline，?then?13，?Ruby，?11，?Aleecia?and?Anthony，?both?6，?Aubrey，?4，?Leo，?3，?and?Xander，?2—had?been?in?a?devastating?car?accident?six?months?earlier.?Tragically，?their?parents?had?died?and?the?youngsters?had?been?badly?injured.?It?was?a?miracle?they？蒺d?survived.

“We?have?to?help?them，”?I?thought，?tagging?Gary?in?the?post.?“Can?we?adopt?them？”?I?wrote，?expecting?him?to?tell?me?I?was?crazy.?With?Gary?working?for?the?post?office?and?me?a?lawyer，?I?knew?we?had?the?finances?to?make?it?work.?And?as?the?hours?passed，?I?couldn？蒺t?push?the?kids?out?of?my?mind.?Who?else?would?have?the?room?to?keep?them?all?together？?I?wondered.?It?would?be?devastating?if?they?had?to?be?split?up.

By?the?time?Gary?arrived?home?from?work，?I？蒺d?armed?myself?with?a?speech?ready?to?plead?my?case.?But?when?I?asked?him?if?he？蒺d?seen?the?article，?his?response?left?me?floored.

注意：

1.?所續(xù)寫短文的詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右;

2.?續(xù)寫部分分為兩段，每段的開頭語已為你寫好。

Paragraph?1：

“Yes，”?he?replied，?calmly.?“We?should?adopt?them.”

Paragraph?2：

Now，?we?couldn？蒺t?imagine?our?lives?without?them.

【評價導(dǎo)思】

1.?請歸納本文中細(xì)節(jié)描寫相關(guān)的詞匯或句子。

2.?文章使用了哪些靈活多變的句式？

3.?對比你的文章和范文，它們有哪些異同？