李奕群

【問(wèn)題導(dǎo)讀】

人生有情感，遇物牽所思。恰當(dāng)?shù)沫h(huán)境描寫(xiě)有利于推動(dòng)故事情節(jié)的發(fā)展，烘托人物的心理活動(dòng)，給讀者身臨其境的感受。讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)中加入適當(dāng)?shù)沫h(huán)境描寫(xiě)，可以讓文章更有畫(huà)面感，正如閱讀中文的古詩(shī)時(shí)，讀到“大漠孤煙直，長(zhǎng)河落日?qǐng)A”，抑或是“明月松間照，清泉石上流”等詩(shī)句，我們的腦海里不自覺(jué)就會(huì)浮現(xiàn)一幅幅美麗的畫(huà)面。在大自然中，有很多元素，風(fēng)、花、天空、云朵等。人物的心情也是變化多樣的。然而，用英文去描述這么多優(yōu)美的環(huán)境是極具挑戰(zhàn)性的。有些學(xué)生還會(huì)走一個(gè)極端，寫(xiě)大量背過(guò)的句子，導(dǎo)致續(xù)寫(xiě)文章浮于表面。

【名師導(dǎo)學(xué)】

借景抒情、寓情于景是寫(xiě)作中常用的手法。環(huán)境描寫(xiě)可以描寫(xiě)事件發(fā)生的環(huán)境，也可以描寫(xiě)人看到的景象或感受到的某種情緒。環(huán)境描寫(xiě)只起畫(huà)龍點(diǎn)睛的作用，環(huán)境描寫(xiě)不要寫(xiě)太長(zhǎng)，且環(huán)境描寫(xiě)一定是為內(nèi)容服務(wù)而不是為了讓文章看起來(lái)高大上。所以寫(xiě)作的時(shí)候千萬(wàn)不要本末倒置，不要一味地堆砌華麗的辭藻，不要寫(xiě)一些無(wú)關(guān)緊要的套句或者環(huán)境描寫(xiě)。

環(huán)境描寫(xiě)在讀后續(xù)寫(xiě)中的作用：

1. 襯托或突出人物的性格、心理等。

2. 暗示或推動(dòng)故事情節(jié)發(fā)展。

3. 增添或烘托某種氣氛和意境，奠定全文基調(diào)。

4. 揭示主題，深化主旨。

【案例導(dǎo)引】

閱讀下面短文，根據(jù)所給情節(jié)進(jìn)行續(xù)寫(xiě)，使之構(gòu)成一個(gè)完整的故事。

The icy wind howled across the empty street and it was an unusually quiet day in theemergency room on the New Year. It was quiet， except for the nurses who were standingaround the nurses’ station complaining about having to work over the New Year， for peoplewere supposed to be spending time with their families and exchanging gifts and wishes.

I was the guiding nurse that day and had just done the cleanup in the waiting room.Since there were no patients waiting to be seen at the time， I returned to the nurses’ stationfor a cup of hot coffee that someone had brought in for the New Year. Just then， a colleaguecame back and told me I had five patients waiting to be evaluated.

I was surprised，“Five， how did I get five？ I was just out there and no one was in thewaiting room.”

“Well， there are five signed in.”

So I went straight out and called the first name. Five bodies showed up at my guidingdesk， a pale short woman and four small children in untidy clothing.

“Are you all sick？”I asked suspiciously.

“Yes，”she said weakly and lowered her head.

“Okay，”I replied， unconvinced，“Who’s first？”O(jiān)ne by one they sat down， and Iasked the usual beginning questions. When it came to the descriptions of their symptoms，things got a little vague. Two of the children had headaches， but the headaches weren’t accompaniedby the normal body language of holding the head or trying to keep it still. Twochildren had earaches， but only one could tell me which ear was affected. The mother complainedof a cough， but seemed to work to produce it.

Something was wrong with the picture. Our hospital policy， however， was not to turnaway any patient， so we would see them. When I explained to the mother that it might be alittle while before a doctor saw her， because there were several more critical patients， sheresponded，“Take your time. It’s warm here and there is an atmosphere of the New Year forthat tree with the New Year gifts.”

注意：續(xù)寫(xiě)詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右。

Paragraph 1：

Then she turned and， with a smile， settled her kids in the waiting room.__________

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Paragraph 2：

My colleagues， complaining about working over the New Year， showed sympathy for the homeless family.___________________________________________________________________

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一、故事梳理

這篇文章是以第一人稱(chēng)的視角講述新年期間當(dāng)護(hù)士們正在抱怨新年節(jié)日期間仍要上班時(shí)，醫(yī)院來(lái)了5位病人的故事。一位母親帶著四個(gè)孩子在新年之際無(wú)家可歸，護(hù)士們都對(duì)此深表同情并且想要給他們帶來(lái)更多溫暖。

二、語(yǔ)言分析

通過(guò)觀察我們發(fā)現(xiàn)文章的開(kāi)頭和結(jié)尾處都有環(huán)境描寫(xiě)。例如：

1. The icy wind howled across the empty street and it was an unusually quiet day inthe emergency room on the New Year.（Para. 1）

冰冷的風(fēng)呼嘯著穿過(guò)空蕩蕩的街道，新年這天，急診室異常安靜。

先觀察這一部分環(huán)境描寫(xiě)里的形容詞icy、empty、quiet和動(dòng)詞howl，雖然沒(méi)有一個(gè)是描寫(xiě)心理的，但是我們很容易感受到人物此處傷感的情緒，這為后文奠定了感情基調(diào)：正值新年假期卻不能休息，還要繼續(xù)上班，護(hù)士們對(duì)此有諸多抱怨。

2. Take your time. It’s warm here and there is an atmosphere of the New Year for thattree with the New Year gifts.?（Para. 9）

慢慢來(lái)。這里很暖和，并且還有新年的氣氛，因?yàn)槟莾河幸豢脪鞚M(mǎn)新年禮物的樹(shù)。

這一段環(huán)境描寫(xiě)出現(xiàn)在那位母親說(shuō)的話(huà)里。句中的形容詞warm 和an atmosphereof the New Year的意象很容易讓我們感受到人物此時(shí)的心理狀態(tài)是幸福、溫暖的。這也和開(kāi)頭處的環(huán)境描寫(xiě)形成對(duì)比：同樣在醫(yī)院里，要上班的護(hù)士們感受到的是冷風(fēng)呼嘯，而這位無(wú)家可歸的母親感受到的卻是幸福、溫暖。

三、常用招式

環(huán)境描寫(xiě)分為客觀和主觀兩種角度：客觀角度從環(huán)境本身入手，主觀角度則從觀察者的角度描寫(xiě)環(huán)境。通常在描寫(xiě)時(shí)主、客觀角度交替進(jìn)行。人物的心情也是變化多樣的，但是總體可以分為正面和負(fù)面，不同元素的環(huán)境描寫(xiě)有不同的作用。

（一）風(fēng)

1. The wind/breeze， soft and sweet， clicked through tree branches.

微風(fēng)輕拂，柔和又清新，撥動(dòng)著樹(shù)枝。

2. A gust of wind blew and parted the drooping branches of the willow.

一陣狂風(fēng)吹來(lái)，撥開(kāi)了柳樹(shù)低垂的枝條。

3. The leaves rustled in the wind.

樹(shù)葉在風(fēng)中沙沙作響。

4. A sweet and soft breeze wafted through my hair.

輕柔的和風(fēng)吹過(guò)我的頭發(fā)。

5. The wind cried wildly like a monster.

狂風(fēng)像野獸般嚎叫。

6. A gust of wind ships the dust along the road.

一陣狂風(fēng)吹來(lái)，卷起路邊的塵土。

7. The icy wind started howling， cutting my face like a sharp knife.

刺骨的寒風(fēng)開(kāi)始咆哮，像一把鋒利的刀子割在我的臉上。

（二）雷雨

1. The rain came pouring down， and the winds beat against the house.

大雨傾盆而至，狂風(fēng)拍打著房屋。

2. The drops of rain are huge. Soon， the road was filled with puddles from the rain.

大顆大顆的雨滴落下。很快，路上就滿(mǎn)是水坑。

3. Thunder begins to grumble in the distance.

遠(yuǎn)處開(kāi)始響起轟隆隆的雷聲。

4. The bolt of lightning stabs the sky.

一道閃電劃過(guò)天空。

5. Suddenly， an earthshaking clap of thunder roared from the storm outside.

突然間，震耳欲聾的雷聲從外面咆哮而來(lái)。

6. The lights flickered once and died， covering everything in a blanket of blackness.Thunder continued to shake the sky and lightning illuminated the store for seconds.

燈光閃爍了一下，又消失了，讓一切都被籠罩在黑暗里。雷聲持續(xù)不斷，似乎天空都在顫抖，閃電照亮了商店幾秒鐘。

（三）雪花

1. It was still cold and frigid with the snow constantly blowing and whipping onto our faces.

天氣極其寒冷，雪花不停飄落，打在我們的臉上。

2. One snowy day， the winds grew stronger and the snow turned into a blinding snowstorm.

在一個(gè)雪天，風(fēng)越來(lái)越強(qiáng)，大雪變成了白茫茫一片的暴風(fēng)雪。

3. The frozen snow crunch under our feet.

結(jié)了冰的雪花在我們腳下嘎吱嘎吱響。

4. The feathery snowflakes danced in the night air， making a beautiful picture.

鵝毛般的雪花在夜空中飛舞，成了一幅美麗的圖畫(huà)。

（四）天空

1. The sky is overcast， darkened with gloomy clouds.

天空烏云密布。

2. The sky was a curdled gray burdened with lumps of clouds.

天空是昏暗的灰色，濃云密布。

3. The sky stood far and blue.

天空蔚藍(lán)高遠(yuǎn)。

4. The color of the sky was changing， first light gray， then dark gray， and finally dark and dense.

天空的顏色開(kāi)始變化，從淺灰色到深灰色，最后一片漆黑。

（五）陽(yáng)光、月光、星光

1. The sky was dotted with sparkling stars， shining like diamonds.

天空中點(diǎn)綴著璀璨的繁星，像鉆石般閃耀。

2. Clusters of stars decorated the vast sky like sparkling jewels.

繁星像閃閃發(fā)光的珠寶一樣點(diǎn)綴著廣闊的天空。

3. Spectacular pink shades marked the western skyline. The sky darkened and， one by one， the stars shone with a soft light.

絢麗的粉紅色的暮色標(biāo)記著西邊的天際線。天空暗下來(lái)了，星星一顆接一顆地發(fā)出柔和的光。

4. Stars winked at me in a darkening sky.

夜空中的星星向我眨眼。

5. The sun was beginning to set， glittering red.

太陽(yáng)開(kāi)始西落，閃爍著紅色的斜暉。

6. A glimmer of light spilled into the corridor.

一絲微光泄入了走廊。

（六）水流、河流、海洋

1. The water was deep blue and sunlight glittered on its looking glassclear surface.

溪水湛藍(lán)，陽(yáng)光在玻璃一樣透明的水面閃閃發(fā)光。

2. The faint sound of water was tumbling through the valley.

潺潺的水聲在山谷里回響。

3. A little way off was a small brook， rushing and sparkling along between green banks.離此不遠(yuǎn)處，有一條小溪，在綠色的河岸間奔騰閃耀。

4. The beach was bathed in the amberlike sunshine.

沙灘沐浴在琥珀般的陽(yáng)光中。

5. The gurgle of the stream soothed me.

汩汩的溪水聲讓我平靜下來(lái)。

6. The expanse of blue water stretched in every direction to the horizon， frothy waves lapping at a sand beach.

藍(lán)色的海水向四面八方延伸到地平線，白色泡沫狀的海浪拍打著沙灘。

7. The ship would lie there mirrored in a perfectly unmoving glossy sea.

船會(huì)?？吭谀抢?，映襯在一片波瀾不興的、光彩奪目的海水中。

【參考范文】

（畫(huà)橫線部分使用了環(huán)境描寫(xiě)。）

Paragraph 1：

Then she turned and， with a smile， settled her kids in the waiting room. The youngest kid was staring at gifts on the tree， exclaiming something to her mother. Met withrefusal， the wretched creature was on the verge of tears. The guilty mother looked upset，great sorrow clouding her face. Realizing they were homeless， I went back and told my colleagues what had happened.

Paragraph 2：

My colleagues， complaining about working over the New Year， showed sympathy for thehomeless family. Soon we were busy preparing presents for our unexpected guests， who justwanted to stay warm on the New Year. With gifts in hand， the kids couldn’t restrain theirjoy. As they were leaving， The mother hugged each of us and whispered，“You’re ourangels and it’s your love that warms us up！”

【模擬導(dǎo)練】

閱讀下面短文，根據(jù)所給情節(jié)進(jìn)行續(xù)寫(xiě)，使之構(gòu)成一個(gè)完整的故事。

On Sunday， Nicholas， a teenager， went skiing with his father at Sugarloaf Mountain inMaine.

They had a wonderful day and decided to drive home to Massachusetts after a finalrun. They took a chairlift to the top of the mountain， where they split up to go down in differenttrails. When the father finished his run， he headed to the parking lot to wait for hisson. However， Nicholas never showed up.

It turned out that a fierce snowstorm had swept into the area as Nicholas was on hisway down. Unable to see far， he accidentally turned off the path and ventured down thewest side of the mountain. Before he knew it， Nicholas was lost and all alone. His way backto the ski trails was blocked. What’s worse， he didn’t have any food or water with him， letalone his cell phone or other supplies. The sun began to sink and he was getting colder by?the minute.

Nicholas had no idea where he was. He tried not to panic. He thought about BearGrylls’ survival show Man vs Wild that he used to watch on TV. In the show， Grylls is abandonedin a wild area and has to help himself out. It was time to put the tips he had learnedto use.

He decided to stop moving around. He needed the energy， and the winds weren’t asstrong in the valley where he stood as they were up on the mountain. Plus， there was a betterchance of someone finding him if he stayed put. The first thing he did was to seek shelterfrom the freezing wind and snow. Using his skis， Nicholas built a snow cave. He gathereda huge mass of snow and dug out a hole in the middle. Then he piled branches on topof himself， like a blanket， to stay as warm as he could.

When evening came， Nicholas was really hungry. He ate some snow and drank somewater from a nearby stream so that he wouldn’t dehydrate （脫水）. Then he returned to hiscave and slept.

注意：續(xù)寫(xiě)詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右。

Paragraph 1：

When Nicholas didn’t show up， his father realized there must be something wrong.

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Paragraph 2：

The next day， Nicholas heard the sound of a snowmobile.

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【評(píng)價(jià)導(dǎo)思】

1. 我的續(xù)寫(xiě)文章在語(yǔ)言風(fēng)格上與前文是否協(xié)同一致？

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2. 我使用了哪些環(huán)境描寫(xiě)？

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3. 我的環(huán)境描寫(xiě)是否為我的寫(xiě)作內(nèi)容服務(wù)？它們分別起了哪些作用？

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