(But you probably won’t like them)

Dear Ayi， I tried to avoid crowds this Labor Day holiday by visiting a small village in the middle of nowhere. I ended up bored out of my mind. Where can I go that’s quiet and fun?

A tired tourist

You young people spend your time trying to 湊熱鬧 (còu rènao， be part of the crowd)， then complain about the inconvenience that comes with it. Are you really vacationing， or do you just 吃飽了撐的 (chībǎole chēng de， “eat too much，” have nothing better to do)? Can’t you enjoy simple village life? What’s better than waking up to the crowing of a 公雞 (gōngjī， rooster) and staring at the 星星 (xīngxing， stars) at night? If I didn’t have to look after my 寶貝孫子 (bǎobèi sūnzi， beloved grandson)， I would rent out my hutong place and buy myself a country house in the mountains.

I always feel awkward in front of cameras. The photos I took during my vacation are terrible compared to others who look effortless and chic. What can I do?

Self-conscious Sam

You youngsters are obsessed with 松弛感 (sōngchígǎn， a sense of effortlessness). I say we need less photos of people with messy hair and 鬼臉 (guǐliǎn， funny faces). Instead， 挺直腰板 (tǐngzhí yāobǎn， keep your back straight) and show me your 精氣神 (jīngqìshén， energetic spirit). When I was young， I would take just one 快照 (kuàizhào， instant photo) at the park during vacations. You could take your posing cues from our 老年模特隊 (lǎonián mótèduì， elderly model team). My 老姐妹 (lǎojiěmèi， old “sisters”) will help you look like a 大明星 (dàmíngxīng， superstar) in no time.