浙江 彭文國

【問題導(dǎo)讀】

讀后續(xù)寫的材料一般都是故事性很強(qiáng)的記敘文，其中貫穿始終的是主要人物角色的心理和情感發(fā)展。要想寫出符合文章故事發(fā)展，且與原文邏輯一致、語言色彩一致的優(yōu)質(zhì)續(xù)寫，就必須要使故事中的主要人物角色設(shè)計合理，且增加適當(dāng)?shù)男睦砗颓楦忻鑼?。那么，如何從人物角色的角度去設(shè)計故事，讓故事設(shè)計更合理呢？

【名師導(dǎo)學(xué)】

1.角色體驗(yàn)是文章故事發(fā)展的關(guān)鍵。我們在理解原文故事和續(xù)寫故事的時候，要站在主要角色的立場上來感受情景，設(shè)計場景、故事發(fā)展的走向和結(jié)果。如下文的“案例導(dǎo)引”，我們要從史蒂文的角度去考慮他的情感體驗(yàn)。續(xù)寫要重點(diǎn)關(guān)注他從孤僻、自我否定、拒絕發(fā)展到積極融入群體、努力融入課堂的轉(zhuǎn)變過程以及最后他對學(xué)校和老師的情感體驗(yàn)。

2.要從主要角色的視角去設(shè)計故事情節(jié)，從而表達(dá)文章的主旨和積極思想。原文中，由于羅老師的充滿愛和期望的傾情、合理的教育，史蒂文的情感和態(tài)度發(fā)生了巨大的、積極的變化。那么，我們在續(xù)寫中就要著重體現(xiàn)角色的情感體驗(yàn)和發(fā)展。我們的想象力要從一個孩子在自我意識以及自我肯定的情感被激發(fā)后，能夠產(chǎn)生的最大的積極能量出發(fā)來設(shè)計續(xù)寫的情景。

3.續(xù)寫的設(shè)計要注重傳遞積極的能量，宣揚(yáng)正義的社會精神。本文的標(biāo)題是“Simple thanks”，其主旨是宣揚(yáng)人的成長以及愛和教育的偉大，因此，我們在設(shè)計故事情節(jié)的時候，要特別關(guān)注角色的積極、健康的發(fā)展。

【案例導(dǎo)引】

閱讀下面短文，根據(jù)所給情節(jié)進(jìn)行續(xù)寫，使之構(gòu)成一個完整的故事。

Simple thanks

I have been in the teaching profession for more than thirty years,and one of the best teachers I have ever known was Mr Rowe.I was lucky enough to co-teach with him for some years.

Mr Rowe had infinite patience and understanding and I learned so much from him.He could perform miracles,like the one he performed with Steven,one of the unhappiest kids I had ever seen.Steven couldn't stand school.He didn't like being picked last for kickball.He didn't like the kids who raised their hands and knew all the answers,and most importantly,he didn't like himself.

The first day he walked into Mr Rowe's classroom,he ignored other students,looking angry and annoyed,and slid into his chair,knocking a couple of textbooks onto the floor.

Mr Rowe walked over to him and touched Steven's shoulder,but Steven pulled away.Nevertheless,Mr Rowe welcomed him,“Hi,Steven.I'm happy that you are in my class.We are going to have a great year.”Steven looked around the room as if Mr Rowe must be mistaken.No teacher in his right mind would want Steven to be part of his classroom.

So,while Mr Rowe seemed cheerful and relaxed that day of school,it seemed Steven was angry and confused.

That day after class,Mr Rowe chose Steven to pitch the kickball at recess.“Hey,Steven,”Mr Rowe commented. “You are good at pitching.Let me show you my secret trick.”Mr Rowe taught Steven one of the tricks that not a single kid could perform.Steven learned fast and did quite well!Everyone cheered for him!

After the kickball,Steven sat as close to Mr Rowe in class as he could.When a question was asked,Steven lit up;he knew the answer!He raised his hand.When he answered the question,his voice shook.However,he got the answer right!He said,with Mr Rowe,his days of the fourth grade promised to be wonderful.

That is not to say that every day went smoothly,but it was evident that Steven grew to love Mr Rowe more and more with each passing day.

注意：

1.所續(xù)寫短文的詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右；

2.續(xù)寫部分分為兩段，每段的開頭語已為你寫好。

Time passed quickly that year,and before we all knew it,it was the last day of school._________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Many years later,Mr Rowe and I were surprised when a handsome young man walked into the office._______________________________________________________________________________________________

一、原文中的人物角色

1.I:a teacher,the witness of the whole story

2.Mr Rowe:one of the main characters,the teacher who educated and changed Steven

3.Steven:one of the main characters,a student who was changed by Mr Rowe

二、原文的故事發(fā)展

1.Steven was one of the unhappiest kids and couldn't stand school.He didn't like the kids who knew all the answers and he didn't like himself.

2.Steven went to Mr Rowe's class.

3.Mr Rowe touched Steven's shoulder,but Steven pulled away.

4.Mr Rowe showed Steven the secret trick of pitching.

5.Steven learned fast and did quite well!Everyone cheered for him!

6.From then on,Steven changed a lot in and after class,in a positive way.

三、角色視角下的續(xù)寫故事設(shè)計

1.Time passed quickly that year,and before we all knew it,it was the last day of school.

本段的重點(diǎn)是史蒂文在離開學(xué)校那天的心理、情感和態(tài)度。我們應(yīng)從他個人的視角去看學(xué)校、老師，體現(xiàn)他個人的真實(shí)的情感體驗(yàn)。續(xù)寫時，我們可以安排學(xué)校當(dāng)天的活動。當(dāng)然，重點(diǎn)應(yīng)該突出史蒂文當(dāng)天的心理、情感的表現(xiàn)?？梢杂眯睦砻鑼?，也可以用適當(dāng)?shù)膭幼髅鑼憗眢w現(xiàn)。示例如下：

The school had a very special tradition on the last day.

Steven walked slowly,his head down,tears in his eyes.

He boarded the bus reluctantly.

He ran back off the bus to hug Mr Rowe.

He sobbed.

總之，要充分體現(xiàn)故事中的主要角色在此時的情感體驗(yàn)，且應(yīng)極力渲染史蒂文的積極的情感變化，傳遞人物的真實(shí)情感，傳遞濃濃的師生情誼，進(jìn)而表現(xiàn)溫暖教育的巨大力量。

2.Many years later,Mr Rowe and I were surprised when a handsome young man walked into the office.

續(xù)寫本段時，我們可以從角色的視角出發(fā)，極力地發(fā)揮想象力。我們可以從段首句所給的handsome young man入手，從積極的方向去想象史蒂文的發(fā)展和成長，塑造一個陽光、英俊、積極向上的優(yōu)秀青年形象。他可以是軍人，可以是國家服務(wù)人員，也可以是一個以羅老師為榜樣的教師，等等。

第二段的續(xù)寫可以先用較多的筆墨去描述一個陽光、英俊、積極向上的青年形象。最后，可以回歸到文章的主旨——Simple thanks，以表達(dá)文章的中心思想：關(guān)愛、成長、感恩。

【范文欣賞】

Time passed quickly that year,and before we all knew it,it was the last day of school.As a tradition,our school had a very special ceremony on the last day.All the teachers filled the sidewalk,waving goodbye to the kids as the buses pulled out of the school.On that particular day,Steven walked slowly to the bus,his head down,tears in his eyes.He boarded the bus reluctantly,hesitated,and then ran back off the bus to hug Mr Rowe. “I don't want to leave you,” he sobbed.With red-rimmed eyes,Mr Rowe comforted him,“I will miss you,too.”

Many years later,Mr Rowe and I were surprised when a handsome young man walked into the office.He was dressed in a military uniform.The young man stood tall and proud.It was Steven!Mr Rowe and I couldn't believe our eyes.He saluted and hugged Mr Rowe tightly! “I have come back to school today just to say thanks to you!”Steven stayed with Mr Rowe for about an hour,talking about the school days as well as what happened to him these years.It was clear that Steven led a very nice life and he never forgot Mr Rowe,who helped him a lot in the school.It is my hope that every teacher is blessed with such an experience of a former student coming back to say,simply to say a very simple THANKS.

【模擬導(dǎo)練】

閱讀下面短文，根據(jù)所給情節(jié)進(jìn)行續(xù)寫，使之構(gòu)成一個完整的故事。

One Saturday morning,Susan went to Thompson's hotel to get the payment for her mother's washing for the guests,which amounted to five dollars.When she found the hotel keeper in the yard,he was apparently in a bad temper with someone at the moment.Hardly noticing the child as she made her request,he impatiently took out his wallet,which was full of bills,handed her a bank note and told her to go away quickly.

Glad to escape so easily,Susan rushed out of the gate with a relief,“It is always a hard time to get money from the rich men.”Susan sighed as she was out of the hotel,and then,as she paused to put the money safely in her pocket,she discovered that he had given her two bills instead of one.She looked around.Nobody was near to share her discovery,and her first impulse was joy at the unexpected prize.

“It is mine,all mine,” she murmured. “I will buy mother a new coat with it,and she can give her old one to sister Mary,and then Mary can go to the Sunday school with me next winter.I wonder if this money can also be used to buy a pair of shoes for brother Tom,too.”

At that moment she realized that the hotel keeper must have given it to her by mistake,and therefore she had no right to use it,as she was always told by her mother the golden rule:What belongs to you is yours,and what doesn't belong to you should not be accepted.

But again the voice of temptation whispered, “He gave it to you,and how do you know that he did not intend to make you a present of it?Keep it;he will never know it,even if it should be a mistake;he has too many such bills in that great wallet,so it doesn't matter if he missed one.”While this conflict was going on in her mind between good and evil,she was hurrying homeward as fast as possible.

注意：

1.所續(xù)寫短文的詞數(shù)應(yīng)為150左右；

2.續(xù)寫部分分為兩段，每段的開頭語已為你寫好。

Yet,before she came in sight of her home,she stopped.______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The hotel keeper looked at Susan.___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

【評價導(dǎo)思】

1.本文中的主要角色蘇珊在整個事件中的情感矛盾是什么？

_________________________________________________________

2.促使蘇珊做出最終決定的原因是什么？

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3.如果你遇到類似的情況，你的情感體驗(yàn)會是怎樣的？

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