My grandfather died when I was a small boy， and my grandmother started staying with us for about six months every year. She lived in a room that doubled as my father’s office， which we referred to as “the back room.” She carried with her a powerful aroma. I don’t know what kind of perfume she used， but it was the double-barreled， ninety-proof1， knockdown， render-the-victim-unconscious， moose-killing variety. She kept it in a huge atomizer and applied it frequently and liberally. It was almost impossible to go into her room and remain breathing for any length of time. When she would leave the house to go spend six months with my Aunt Lillian， my mother and sisters would throw open all the windows， strip the bed， and take out the curtains and rugs. Then they would spend several days washing and airing things out， trying frantically to make the pungent odor go away.

我小的時(shí)候外公就去世了，自那以后外婆每年會(huì)在我家待上六個(gè)月左右。她的房間是父親辦公室的兩倍大，我們稱(chēng)之為“后屋”。她渾身散發(fā)著一股濃郁的香氣，用的是哪種香水不得而知，但那種氣味非常強(qiáng)烈，就像45度的雙桶陳釀聞之即倒，人被熏暈，駝鹿被熏死。她把這玩意裝在一個(gè)巨型香水噴瓶里，時(shí)不時(shí)地想噴就噴點(diǎn)。進(jìn)她房間后幾乎不可能保持呼吸。每當(dāng)她離開(kāi)我家去莉蓮姨媽家待上六個(gè)月，我母親和姐姐們就會(huì)趕快推開(kāi)所有窗戶(hù)，扯下床單，撤下窗簾和地毯；然后，她們會(huì)用上好幾天洗洗曬曬，拼命想驅(qū)散那股刺鼻的氣味。

This， then， was my grandmother at the time of the infamous pea incident.

這就是我外婆，讓我顏面盡失的豌豆事件發(fā)生的時(shí)候，她就住在我家。

It took place at the Biltmore Hotel， which， to my eight-year-old mind， was just about the fanciest place to eat in all of Providence2. My grandmother， my mother， and I were having lunch after a morning spent shopping. I grandly ordered a salisbury steak3， confident in the knowledge that beneath that fancy name was a good old hamburger with gravy. When brought to the table， it was accompanied by a plate of peas. I do not like peas now. I did not like peas then. I have always hated peas. It is a complete mystery to me why anyone would voluntarily eat peas. I did not eat them at home. I did not eat them at restaurants. And I certainly was not about to eat them now. “Eat your peas，” my grandmother said.

事情發(fā)生在比爾特莫爾酒店，在年方八歲的我看來(lái)，那是全普羅維登斯最棒的飯店了。一上午購(gòu)物之后，外婆、母親和我去那兒吃午飯。我裝模作樣地點(diǎn)了一份索爾茲伯里牛排，滿(mǎn)心以為這個(gè)花哨名字之下就是一種淋著肉汁的老式美味漢堡牛肉。結(jié)果，和牛排一起端上桌的還有一碟豌豆。我現(xiàn)在不吃豌豆，那時(shí)也一樣。我一直討厭豌豆。我完全不理解竟然有人會(huì)愿意吃這種食物。不論在家還是去餐廳，我都不吃豌豆，當(dāng)時(shí)自然也不打算吃?！鞍淹愣钩粤??！蓖馄艑?duì)我說(shuō)。

“Mother，” said my mother in her warning voice. “He doesn’t like peas. Leave him alone.”

“媽?zhuān)蹦赣H的聲音帶著提醒意味，“他不喜歡吃豌豆，別管他了?！?/p>

My grandmother did not reply， but there was a glint in her eye and a grim set to her jaw that signaled she was not going to be thwarted. She leaned in my direction， looked me in the eye， and uttered the fateful words that changed my life： “I’ll pay you five dollars if you eat those peas.”

外婆沒(méi)回應(yīng)，但她眼中精光一閃，下巴一繃，顯示出她不打算讓步。她朝我探過(guò)身，直視我的眼睛，說(shuō)出了那句改變我一生的重要的話(huà)：“你要是把那些豌豆都吃掉，我就給你五美元?！?/p>

I had absolutely no idea of the impending doom. I only knew that five dollars was an enormous， nearly unimaginable amount of money， and as awful as peas were， only one plate of them stood between me and the possession of that five dollars. I began to force the wretched things down my throat.

我對(duì)即將到來(lái)的厄運(yùn)一無(wú)所知。我只知道五美元是一筆巨款，數(shù)目大到我?guī)缀蹼y以想象。盡管豌豆很惡心，但擋在我和五美元之間的就一小碟而已。我開(kāi)始強(qiáng)迫自己把那些可怕的東西咽下去。

My mother was livid. My grandmother had that self-satisfied look of someone who has thrown down an unbeatable trump card4. “I can do what I want， Ellen， and you can’t stop me.” My mother glared at her mother. She glared at me. No one can glare like my mother. If there were a glaring Olympics， she would undoubtedly win the gold medal.

母親臉色鐵青。外婆志得意滿(mǎn)，如同扔出了一張必勝王牌?！拔乙龅氖虑榫蜁?huì)做到，埃倫，你阻止不了我?！蹦赣H瞪著她的母親，也瞪著我。沒(méi)人能像我母親那樣瞪眼。如果舉辦瞪眼奧運(yùn)會(huì)，她毫無(wú)疑問(wèn)會(huì)贏(yíng)得金牌。

I， of course， kept shoving peas down my throat. The glares made me nervous， and every single pea made me want to throw up， but the magical image of that five dollars floated before me， and I finally gagged down every last one of them. My grandmother handed me the five dollars with a flourish. My mother continued to glare in silence. And the episode ended. Or so I thought.

當(dāng)然，我還在拼命往喉嚨里填豌豆。母親的瞪視讓我緊張，每一顆豆子都讓我想吐。然而五美元紙幣的樣子如有魔力般在眼前浮現(xiàn)，我終于把最后一顆咽下去了。外婆動(dòng)作夸張地把五美元遞給我。母親依舊沉默地瞪視著。這個(gè)小插曲就算結(jié)束了，至少我當(dāng)時(shí)以為這樣。

My grandmother left for Aunt Lillian’s a few weeks later. That night， at dinner， my mother served two of my all-time favorite foods， meatloaf and mashed potatoes. Along with them came a big， steaming bowl of peas. She offered me some peas， and I， in the very last moments of my innocent youth， declined. My mother fixed me with a cold eye as she heaped a huge pile of peas onto my plate. Then came the words that were to haunt me for years.

幾周后，外婆去了莉蓮姨媽家。那天晚餐，母親做的是我百吃不厭的食物——烘肉卷和土豆泥。一起端上桌的還有一大碗冒著熱氣的豌豆。她要給我舀一些，而我拒絕了，在我那無(wú)邪年少時(shí)光的最后時(shí)刻。母親邊把一大堆豌豆舀到我的餐碟上，邊用冷酷的眼神盯著我。她之后說(shuō)出的話(huà)在我心中縈繞多年，無(wú)法忘記。

“You ate them for money，” she said. “You can eat them for love.”

“你之前能為錢(qián)吃下它們，”她說(shuō)，“現(xiàn)在就能為愛(ài)吃下它們?！?/p>

Oh， despair！ Oh， devastation！ Now， too late， came the dawning realization that I had unwittingly damned myself to a hell from which there was no escape.

哦，完蛋了！哦，慘透了！那一刻我才頓悟：不知不覺(jué)中，我將自己打入了無(wú)路可逃的地獄——但為時(shí)已晚。

“You ate them for money. You can eat them for love.”

“你之前能為錢(qián)吃下它們，現(xiàn)在就能為愛(ài)吃下它們。”

What possible argument could I muster against that？ There was none. Did I eat the peas？ You bet I did. I ate them that day and every other time they were served thereafter. The five dollars were quickly spent. My grandmother passed away a few years later. But the legacy of the peas lived on， as it lives on to this day. If I so much as curl my lip when they are served （because， after all， I still hate the horrid little things）， my mother repeats the dreaded words one more time： “You ate them for money，” she says. “You can eat them for love.”

我能想出什么反駁的理由嗎？不能。我吃豌豆了嗎？當(dāng)然吃了。不僅那天我吃了，以后每次端上桌的豌豆我都吃了。五美元很快就花完了，外婆幾年后也去世了，但豌豆事件的影響一直持續(xù)到現(xiàn)在。只要我對(duì)飯桌上的豌豆撇撇嘴（因?yàn)槲以趺粗歼€是討厭這可怕的小東西），母親就會(huì)再次重復(fù)那句讓我生畏的話(huà)：“你之前能為錢(qián)吃下它們，”她說(shuō)，“現(xiàn)在就能為愛(ài)吃下它們?！?/p>

（譯者為“《英語(yǔ)世界》杯”翻譯大賽獲獎(jiǎng)?wù)撸?/p>

1 proof為美制酒精度，90-proof即標(biāo)準(zhǔn)酒精度45°。

2普羅維登斯，美國(guó)羅得島州首府。 3索爾茲伯里牛排，以牛絞肉制成，外觀(guān)與牛排極為相近，通常油煎或燒烤，還會(huì)搭配牛排醬或肉汁。

4 trump card王牌，一副撲克牌里最大的牌，可以通吃。