【導讀】《人生的枷鎖》是毛姆1915年發(fā)表的自傳體長篇小說，憑此確立了他在英國文壇的地位。小說講述了男主人公菲利普從童年到青年時期的辛酸遭遇：他先天跛足，父母早亡，寄人籬下，飽嘗辛酸；同時他孤僻敏感，個性鮮明，善于思考，不斷進步。小說反映了菲利普在身體、家庭、教育、宗教、金錢、事業(yè)、愛情等方面經(jīng)歷的重重枷鎖和羈絆，寫盡了人生成長過程中的迷惘、挫折、痛苦、磨礪與探索，是一部難得的成長之書。本篇節(jié)選自小說第51章，講的是菲利普在追求繪畫理想時內心的掙扎與抉擇。

“Pardon， monsieur， I should like to speak to you for one moment.”

“對不起，先生，我想耽擱您一下，有幾句話要對您說?！?/p>

Foinet gave him a rapid glance， recognised him， but did not smile a greeting.

富瓦內朝他掃了一眼，認出了他，但是緊繃著臉沒同他打招呼。

“Speak，” he said.

“說吧。”他說。

“I’ve been working here nearly two years now under you. I wanted to ask you to tell me frankly if you think it worth while for me to continue.”

“我在這兒跟您學畫，差不多已學了兩年。想請您坦率地告訴我，您覺得我是否還值得繼續(xù)學下去？”

Philip’s voice was trembling a little. Foinet walked on without looking up. Philip， watching his face， saw no trace of expression upon it.

菲利普的聲音微微顫抖。富瓦內頭也不抬地繼續(xù)往前邁著步子。菲利普在一旁察言觀色，不見他臉上有任何表示。

“I don’t understand.”

“我不明白你的意思?！?/p>

“I’m very poor. If I have no talent I would sooner do something else.”

“我家境貧寒。如果我沒有天分，我想還不如及早改行的好?！?/p>

“Don’t you know if you have talent？”

“你有沒有天分，難道你自己不清楚？”

“All my friends know they have talent， but I am aware some of them are mistaken.”

“我的那些朋友們，個個自以為有天才，可我知道，其中有些人缺少自知之明。”

Foinet’s bitter mouth outlined the shadow of a smile， and he asked：

富瓦內那張不饒人的嘴巴微微一撇，嘴角漾起一絲笑意，問道：

“Do you live near here？”

“你就住在這兒附近？”

Philip told him where his studio was. Foinet turned round.

菲利普把自己畫室的地址告訴了他。富瓦內轉過身子。

“Let us go there？ You shall show me your work.”

“咱們就上你畫室去。你得讓我看看你的作品?！?/p>

“Now？” cried Philip.

“現(xiàn)在？”菲利普嚷了一聲。

“Why not？”

“有何不可呢？”

Philip had nothing to say. He walked silently by the master’s side. He felt horribly sick. It had never struck him that Foinet would wish to see his things there and then; he meant， so that he might have time to prepare himself， to ask him if he would mind coming at some future date or whether he might bring them to Foinet’s studio. He was trembling with anxiety. In his heart he hoped that Foinet would look at his picture， and that rare smile would come into his face， and he would shake Philip’s hand and say： “Pas mal2. Go on， my lad. You have talent， real talent.” Philip’s heart swelled at the thought. It was such a relief， such a joy！ Now he could go on with courage; and what did hardship matter， privation， and disappointment， if he arrived at last？ He had worked very hard， it would be too cruel if all that industry were futile. And then with a start he remembered that he had heard Fanny Price say just that. They arrived at the house， and Philip was seized with fear. If he had dared he would have asked Foinet to go away. He did not want to know the truth. They went in and the concierge handed him a letter as they passed. He glanced at the envelope and recognised his uncle’s handwriting. Foinet followed him up the stairs. Philip could think of nothing to say; Foinet was mute， and the silence got on his nerves. The professor sat down; and Philip without a word placed before him the picture which the Salon had rejected; Foinet nodded but did not speak; then Philip showed him the two portraits he had made of Ruth Chalice， two or three landscapes which he had painted at Moret， and a number of sketches.

菲利普反倒無言以對。他默不作聲地走在畫家的身旁，心里七上八下，說不出有多緊張。他萬萬沒想到富瓦內竟會立時三刻要去看他的作品。他真想問問富瓦內：要是請他改日再去，或是讓自己把作品拿到他畫室去，他可介意？這樣菲利普就可在思想上早作準備，免得像現(xiàn)在這樣措手不及。菲利普心慌意亂，連身子也哆嗦起來。他打心底里希望富瓦內在看了他的作品以后，臉上會泛起那種難得看到的笑容，而且還一邊同他握手一邊說：“不錯呀！好好干吧，小伙子。你很有才氣，真有幾分才氣哩?！毕氲竭@兒，菲利普心頭不覺熱乎起來。那該是多大的安慰！多么令人歡欣！他從此可以勇往直前了。只要能達到勝利的終點，什么艱苦呀，貧困呀，失望呀，那又算得了什么呢？他從來沒偷懶，而要是吃盡辛苦，到頭來竟是白費勁一場，那才叫人疾首痛心呢。他猛地一驚，想起范妮·普賴斯不也正是這么說的！等他們走到了住所跟前，菲利普完全被恐懼攫住了。他要是有膽量的話，說不定會請富瓦內走開的。現(xiàn)在他不想知道真情了。在他們進屋子的當兒，看門人遞給菲利普一封信，他朝信封看了一眼，認出上面是他大伯的筆跡。富瓦內隨著菲利普上了樓。菲利普想不出話茬來；富瓦內也一語不發(fā)，而這種沉默比什么都更叫人心慌意亂。教授坐了下來，菲利普什么也不說，只是把那幅被藝展退回來的油畫放在富瓦內面前。富瓦內點點頭，還是不做聲。接著，菲利普又給富瓦內看了兩幅他給露思·查利斯畫的肖像，兩三幅在莫雷畫的風景畫，另外還有幾幅速寫。

“That’s all，” he said presently， with a nervous laugh.

“就這些了?！狈评找贿呎f，一邊局促不安地干笑一聲。

Monsieur Foinet rolled himself a cigarette and lit it.

富瓦內自己動手卷了一支煙，點著了。

“You have very little private means？” he asked at last.

“你沒什么家私吧？”他終于開口問道。

“Very little，” answered Philip， with a sudden feeling of cold at his heart. “Not enough to live on.”

“很少，”菲利普回答，心里倏地涼了半截，“尚不足以糊口。”

“There is nothing so degrading as the constant anxiety about one’s means of livelihood. I have nothing but contempt for the people who despise money. They are hypocrites or fools. Money is like a sixth sense without which you cannot make a complete use of the other five. Without an adequate income half the possibilities of life are shut off. The only thing to be careful about is that you do not pay more than a shilling for the shilling you earn. You will hear people say that poverty is the best spur to the artist. They have never felt the iron of it in their flesh. They do not know how mean it makes you. It exposes you to endless humiliation， it cuts your wings， it eats into your soul like a cancer. It is not wealth one asks for， but just enough to preserve one’s dignity， to work unhampered， to be generous， frank， and independent. I pity with all my heart the artist， whether he writes or paints， who is entirely dependent for subsistence upon his art.”

“要時時刻刻為生計操心，世上再沒有什么比這更丟臉的了。那些視金錢如糞土的人，我就最瞧不起。他們不是偽君子就是傻瓜。金錢好比第六感官，少了它，就別想讓其余的五種感官充分發(fā)揮作用。沒有足夠的收入，生活的希望就被截去了一半。你得處心積慮，錙銖必較，決不為賺得一個先令而付出高于一個先令的代價。你常聽到人們說，窮困是對藝術家最有力的鞭策。唱這種高調的人，自己從來沒有親身嘗過窮困的滋味。他們不知道窮困會使你變得多么卑賤。它使你蒙受沒完沒了的羞辱，扼殺掉你的雄心壯志，甚至像癌一樣地吞蝕你的靈魂。要的并非是財富本身，而是至少夠用的財富可以提供的保障3：有了它，就可以維持個人尊嚴，工作不受阻撓，做個慷慨、率直、保持住獨立人格的人。我打心底里可憐那種完全靠藝術糊口的藝術家，耍筆桿子的也罷，搞畫畫的也罷?！?/p>

Philip quietly put away the various things which he had shown.

菲利普悄沒聲兒地把剛才拿出來的畫，一一收了起來。

“I’m afraid that sounds as if you didn’t think I had much chance.”

“說話聽音——我想您的意見似乎是說，我很少有成功的希望吧?！?/p>

Monsieur Foinet slightly shrugged his shoulders.

富瓦內先生微微聳了聳肩。

“You have a certain manual dexterity. With hard work and perseverance there is no reason why you should not become a careful， not incompetent painter. You would find hundreds who painted worse than you， hundreds who painted as well. I see no talent in anything you have shown me. I see industry and intelligence. You will never be anything but mediocre.”

“你的手不可謂不巧。看來你只要肯下苦功夫，持之以恒，沒有理由當不成個兢兢業(yè)業(yè)、還算能干的畫家。到那時，你會發(fā)現(xiàn)有成百上千個同行還及不上你，也有成百上千個同行得同你不相上下。在你給我看的那些東西里，我沒有看到橫溢的才氣，只看到勤奮和智慧。你永遠也不會超過二三流的水平。”

Philip obliged himself to answer quite steadily.

菲利普故作鎮(zhèn)靜，用相當沉著的口吻回答說：

“I’m very grateful to you for having taken so much trouble. I can’t thank you enough.”

“太麻煩您了，真過意不去。不知該怎么謝您才好?！?/p>

Monsieur Foinet got up and made as if to go， but he changed his mind and， stopping， put his hand on Philip’s shoulder.

富瓦內先生站起身，似乎要告辭了，忽兒又改變了主意。他收住腳步，將一只手搭在菲利普的肩膀上。

“But if you were to ask me my advice， I should say： take your courage in both hands and try your luck at something else. It sounds very hard， but let me tell you this： I would give all I have in the world if someone had given me that advice when I was your age and I had taken it.”

“要是你想聽聽我的忠告，我得說，拿出點勇氣來，當機立斷，找些別的行當碰碰運氣吧。盡管話不中聽，我還是要對你直言一句：假如我在你這種年紀的時候，也有人向我進此忠告并使我接受的話，那我樂意把我在這世界上所擁有的一切都奉獻給他?！?/p>

Philip looked up at him with surprise. The master forced his lips into a smile， but his eyes remained grave and sad.

菲利普抬起頭，吃驚地望著他。只見畫家張開雙唇，勉強擠出一絲笑意來，但他的眼神依舊是那樣的嚴肅、憂郁。

“It is cruel to discover one’s mediocrity only when it is too late. It does not improve the temper.”

“等你追悔不及的時候再發(fā)現(xiàn)自己的平庸無能，那才叫人痛心呢，但再痛心，也無助于改善一個人的氣質?！?/p>

He gave a little laugh as he said the last words and quickly walked out of the room.

當他說出最后幾個字的時候，他呵呵一笑，旋即疾步走出房間。

1毛姆.人生的枷鎖.張柏然、張增健、倪俊譯.南京：江蘇人民出版社，1983，第51章.

2 pas mal〈法語〉不錯。

3此處原譯（藝術家要求的并非是財富本身，而是財富提供的保障）疑似有誤，現(xiàn)譯根據(jù)原文文意做了調整。