I’m a student from Class 1， Grade 9. Our school has held an activity about “How will I get the young star award”recently.

My classmate Li Ming is one of the young stars. He is a top student of ourclass. He’s a tall boy and good at sports， especially basketball. He is always readyhelping淤others. He often takes part in different activities， especially for charity.

Last year， he organized basketball matches to raise money to于the childrenfrom poor areas. So far he has raised more than one thousand yuan but盂he’llsend the money to the children from poor areas soon.

What a kind-hearted student Li Ming is！ His deeds have been spokenhighly of by his teachers. Li Ming sets a good example for every student in ourschool. We should learn from him.

優(yōu)點：

本文結(jié)構(gòu)清晰、行文連貫、表達流暢，文中多樣的句式和自然的過渡性詞語為文章增色不少。

需要修改的地方院

①helping 改為to help。be ready to do sth.意為“準備做某事”。

②to 改為for。raise money for...意為“為……籌錢”。

③but 改為and。此處上下文是并列關(guān)系，不是轉(zhuǎn)折關(guān)系，應(yīng)用并列連詞。

評分院

按江蘇省連云港市中考英語作文滿分25 分的評分標準，本文修改前可得22 分。