劉習文

【試題呈現(xiàn)】

請根據(jù)以下提示，并結(jié)合事例，用英語寫一篇短文。詞數(shù)不少于120字.

Only when we match our words with actions can we make a difference in what we hope to accomplish.

【審題點撥】

這是一篇開放性話題作文，與近幾年高考命題特點相符，同學們可以靈活表達，但應該注意：

1. 布局好”三段式”結(jié)構(gòu)，首段開門見山，直接陳述觀點，第二段通過事例加以說明，舉例例證，要在“為什么”上深入開掘；第三段總結(jié)并深化自己的觀點。此類命題具有思辨性寫作特點，就是要一分為二地展開分析，要有思維的深度，否則就是泛泛而談。

2. 重點要放在有效運用所學語言知識，準確使用高級詞匯和復雜的句式結(jié)構(gòu)上。

3. 關(guān)鍵是要清楚連貫地傳遞信息，要注意句與句、段與段之間的過渡語或銜接詞的運用，起承轉(zhuǎn)合，行文流暢，一氣呵成。

【習作一】

Everyone has his or her own dream during the lifetime. However， only a part of people achieve what they dreamed in the beginning. Whether one matches his or her words with action really makes a difference.

When I first entered the high school， my ambition was to be the first one in my class. With great enthusiasm， I made a lot of plans for studying. However， it was so lazy of me to study hard. I nearly forgot what I had made in previous time. After a term， my grade just became worse， which hurt me a lot. Having been blamed by my parents and teachers， I started to try to find myself. Determined to accomplish my goal， I spared no effort to get more knowledge. Eventually， it paid off.

It is really important for all of us to match our words with actions. Only in this way can we lead a happy and successful life.

這是一篇中檔習作。其優(yōu)點是：

1. 本文條理性強，布局合理，段落層次分明，“三段式”特點突出。

2. 作者嘗試使用了一些復雜的句式結(jié)構(gòu)，如：名詞性從句使句子之間自然巧妙地連接起來，避免文章平淡無味；靈活運用了非謂語形式，使句子簡潔高級。

Whether... really makes a difference.（主語從句）

When I first entered... （狀語從句）

...， my ambition was to be the first one in my class. （不定式作表語）

...， which hurt me a lot. （定語從句）

...， it was so lazy of me to study hard. （不定式復合結(jié)構(gòu)）

Having been blamed...， （現(xiàn)在分詞）

Determined to achieve... （過去分詞做狀語）

Only in this way can we lead ...（倒裝句）

3. 作者還運用了一些高級詞匯、短語和表達法，如：enthusiasm， spared no effort， pay off， lead a...life. With great enthusiasm。

不足之處是：

1. 首段表達觀點的語言還需提煉。如改為As an old saying goes， actions speak louder than words. Whoever hopes to have his dream realized should match his words with actions.

或 As is universally acknowledged， there is no doubt that we cant make a difference if we dont match our words with actions. As a consequence， only when we work with actions can we transform our goals into reality.

2. 第二段舉例證明觀點時，缺少自然銜接過渡?？稍诙温淝凹由先?Take my personal experience as an example.或When it comes to me， I still remember my experience.或A scene never faded away from my memory.endprint

3. 高級詞匯和復雜句式結(jié)構(gòu)的運用不夠豐富，多樣性欠缺。有些句式結(jié)構(gòu)可做進一步錘煉。

【習作二】

There is no doubt that actions can make us find our way to what we hope to accomplish. It makes no sense that we say our ambitious words without actions. This reminds me of my devoted friend Bob， whose deed leaves me a strong impression.

As a matter of fact， it used to be typical of Bob to say big words. Nevertheless， he never put them into practice， which contributes to his failure in exams. The other day， he announced to the class that he would become the top student of our class. Meanwhile， some of our classmates responded with a shout of laughter， “How can you succeed without actions， Bob？” Numbed with shock， Bob left silently. What surprised us all was that Bob did bury himself in studies from then on. With great efforts， he managed to achieve his goal eventually. Now when asked about how he made it， Bob said “It is what my classmates commented on me that struck me， and then I am determined to make a change， which really makes a difference.”

Taking all aspects into consideration， I can safely draw a conclusion that it is actions that promise us a bright future. Only when we match our words with actions can we realize our dream.

這是一篇高檔習作。在兩小時的考試中能一氣呵成寫出這么長的文章，反映了作者扎實的基本功。不過這么長的文章不可取，會對整個試卷的答題時間有影響。

1. 文章布局合理，段落層次分明，有很好的條理性；整體圓潤飽滿，有血有肉。觀點明確，例證合理，行文流暢。

2. 語法正確，表達地道，使用了很豐富的高級詞匯和復雜的句式結(jié)構(gòu)，而且準確、得體。如：

make no sense， ambitious， remind...of， devoted， leave a impression， be typical of， contribute to， put...into...， make it， numb， bury himself in， eventually， promise us a bright future， take...into consideration

which contributes to.... （定語從句）

There is no doubt that...

I can safely draw a conclusion that... （同位語從句）

It makes no sense that...

What surprised us all was that....（主語從句、表語從句）

Only when we...can we realize... （倒裝句）

It is what my classmates commented on me that...

...Bob did bury himself... （強調(diào)句）

when asked about how...

Numbed with shock， ... （過去分詞）

Taking all aspects into consideration， ... （現(xiàn)在分詞）

it used to be typical of Bob to say big words.

... make us find our way... （不定式）

3. 有效使用了不同的連接詞或過渡語，如As a matter of fact，Nevertheless，Meanwhile， With great efforts， and then…及非限制定語從句，銜接連貫，過渡自然；

4. 流暢性很好。簡單句與復合句，長句與短句的結(jié)合，恰到好處；采用先短后長的句群形式，妙筆生輝；尤其最后一段，一長一短，畫龍點睛。endprint