翻譯擂臺(tái)（第11期）

【原文】

美德成于心，

誠(chéng)信見(jiàn)于行，

文明貴于恒。

【點(diǎn)評(píng)】

本期原文是一條公益廣告，即以社會(huì)公眾利益為目的而設(shè)計(jì)的一種普及、非營(yíng)利的廣告，具有效益性、現(xiàn)實(shí)性和號(hào)召性三大特點(diǎn)。在翻譯上，又可歸為“公示語(yǔ)翻譯”，既有普遍性，又有特殊性。

普遍性，是指其具有一般翻譯的性質(zhì)；特殊性，則指其特有的言簡(jiǎn)意賅，捉人眼球。例如，“熱烈歡迎外國(guó)朋友來(lái)我校參觀指導(dǎo)！”，許多人會(huì)翻譯成“Warmly welcome foreign friends come to our school for inspection!”，實(shí)則，可以大大簡(jiǎn)化為“Welcome to our school!”或“Our school welcome you!”。而“美食天堂，異彩平添”不必按字面意思譯成“Delicious heaven; Extraordinary splendor in riotous profusion”，而Food Paradise即可解決。至于“生意興隆通四海，財(cái)源茂盛達(dá)三江”，若譯成“Business is thriving, reaching out to the fi ve continents of the world; Revenues are accruing, fl owing in from the four corners of the earth”，則難以吸引大眾的注意，故不妨精練為“Business booms far and near, pro fi ts net there and here”。

可能因本次原文看似簡(jiǎn)單，所以參賽者人數(shù)劇增。然而，“言簡(jiǎn)意不簡(jiǎn)”，許多譯文又過(guò)于簡(jiǎn)單，且有語(yǔ)法錯(cuò)誤，典型的，如：①Virtue forms in mind;/Honesty shows in behavior; / Civilization lies in persistence. ②Virtue is established in souls, / Integrity is seen in actions, / Civilization is valued in perseverance.

其中，一些關(guān)鍵字眼值得認(rèn)真推敲。如“成于心”，將“成”譯成form、establish、shape、produce、become等都略顯簡(jiǎn)單；這里表述的是一種心智的歷練過(guò)程，故不如用nurture、foster、cultivate等。至于“心”，如以往所述，有mind、heart、soul等之分。西方文化里，mind一般代表理智，heart則為多為情感，如英語(yǔ)說(shuō)：My mind tells me “no”, but my heart tellsme “yes”.（我的理智對(duì)我說(shuō)不，但我的情感卻令我屈從。）希拉里（Hillary）在回憶錄中說(shuō)，她嫁給克林頓（Clinton）主要是followed her heart but not her mind，言外之意，若依理性而非情感，可能就不會(huì)嫁給他了。當(dāng)然，實(shí)際運(yùn)用中heart亦可包括理性成分，如：①若有人提出批評(píng)意見(jiàn)，我會(huì)非常在意的。（If someone says something critical I take it to heart.）②他告訴她，自己所做的一切都是為了她好。（He told her that he only had her interests at heart.）所以，heart比mind的涵義更廣。而soul則更多強(qiáng)調(diào)“deep feeling or emotion, the spiritual part of a person, believed to exist after death”，不乏宗教色彩，如：He believed his immortal soul was in peril.（他認(rèn)為他不死的靈魂有墮入地獄的危險(xiǎn)。）故應(yīng)慎用。

“見(jiàn)于行”，將“見(jiàn)”譯成see、exist、show亦略顯膚淺，不如manifest、evidence、reveal等貼切，而“行”又有behavior、action、conduct、deed等選擇。分析起來(lái)，①behavior：the reaction of something under speci fi ed circumstances，即具體環(huán)境中的行為；②action：something done (usually as opposed to something said)，即主要相對(duì)“言”的實(shí)際行動(dòng)；③conduct：manner of acting or conducting yourself, namely a person’s way of behaving (behavioral attributes), the way a person behaves toward other people，即側(cè)重于人際關(guān)系方面的行為；④deed：a notable achievement，即多為褒義舉動(dòng)。綜合考慮，似以action為宜。

最后一句中的“文明”，參賽者大都按字面意思譯成了civilization，但其實(shí)經(jīng)不住推敲。該詞的基本涵義為：A society in an advanced state of social development (e.g., with complex legal and political and religious organizations);the fact of becoming or state of being highly developed socially, with a system of government, methods of education etc.即主要是對(duì)社會(huì)整體進(jìn)步程度而言的，如：In 20 years they have reached the level of civilization it took our society a century to reach.（他們用二十年達(dá)到了我們社會(huì)花了一個(gè)世紀(jì)才達(dá)到的文明程度。）而這里指的主要是個(gè)人行為。類似的，有的用了culture，其實(shí)該詞本質(zhì)上也是集體行為（all the knowledge, values and customs shared by a society or a group of people in a society）。容易誤譯的，如將一個(gè)人的“文化水平”譯成cultural level，實(shí)際應(yīng)為educational background或schooling等。細(xì)加分析，這里的“文明”指的是個(gè)人素質(zhì)，于是quality、quality people、good qualities便應(yīng)進(jìn)入首選范疇，如：①Q(mào)uality people are essences in our quest for quality service.（優(yōu)秀人員是提供高質(zhì)素服務(wù)的先決條件。）②Those are good qualities that we would want in every employee.（這些都是我們想要每位員工都具備的良好素質(zhì)。）③他有許多好的品質(zhì)，其中最好的就是善良。（He has many good qualities, but his best quality is his kindness.）有的譯者采用了這樣的句式：

He who has great virtues has rooted his righteous behaviors in his heart deep.

He who is a man of integrity only reveals himself from his acts followed.

He who is a civilized citizen only shines in his persistence in behaviors related.

顯示其閱讀范圍和素養(yǎng)，其思路也值得肯定；不足之處，在于不夠確切和工整，故不妨修改如下：

He who is virtuous has his righteousness rooted in the heart;

He who is honest has his credibility manifested in actions;

He who is civil has his qualityattested in persistence.

就本質(zhì)而言，“公示語(yǔ)”是一種在公眾場(chǎng)合看的語(yǔ)言，負(fù)載著某種社交的特殊使命，因而又要注重通俗、易接受。這就不能不涉及到之前論述過(guò)的漢英“意合”與“形合”的特點(diǎn)。簡(jiǎn)言之，漢語(yǔ)是“意合”（Paratactic），即句中及句間的語(yǔ)法意義是靠其內(nèi)在涵義和邏輯關(guān)系來(lái)表達(dá)的（The grammatical relations are conveyed by the connotations and logic contained within or between the sentences），而英語(yǔ)在性質(zhì)上是一種“形合”（Hypotactic）的語(yǔ)言，即句中及句之間的成分是靠語(yǔ)言形式相連接（The dependent or subordinate construction or relationship of clauses are linked with connectives）。典型的例子，如“早知這樣，我就不來(lái)了”，譯為英文則要加上許多“零碎”：If I had known it earlier, I would not have come等。

據(jù)此，該三句也可融合為：While virtue is nurtured in the heart, credibility has to be attested by one’s actions, and time ultimately proves good qualities.在許多情況下，同樣可以收到公益廣告的宣傳效果。

（點(diǎn)評(píng)人：林巍，暨南大學(xué)翻譯學(xué)院特聘教授）

【優(yōu)勝者】

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