威廉·龐/文　李昊/譯

My nanny took care of me from the time I was born until I was 15. She lived with my family in our apartment in Hong Kong. My parents had government jobs and worked long hours， so they needed someone to change my diapers， pick me up from school and steam me fish， Chinese style.

我的保姆從我出生一直照顧我到15歲。她和我家人一起住在香港的公寓里。我父母在政府工作，每天都要上很久的班，所以他們需要有人幫我換尿布，接我放學(xué)，給我做中式蒸魚吃。

Zenaida Bantugon was from the Philippines. My family always called her Auntie Zeny. She was the same age and height—five feet—as my mother but her skin was more tanned and she had a distinct mole on her lower lip. The only time she took off， aside from her annual three-week vacation， was on Sundays， when she would put on makeup， spritz herself with perfume and head to church with the other Filipino nannies who were her friends.

塞奈達(dá)·班圖貢從菲律賓來，我家人都喊她塞尼阿姨。她5英尺高，和我媽一樣高，也和我媽歲數(shù)一樣，但她膚色更黑點(diǎn)兒，下嘴唇上還有顆顯眼的痣。除了每年3周的假期外，她只有在周日才能休息一下，化好妝，噴上香水，和她的菲律賓保姆朋友們一起去教堂。

Despite the time Auntie Zeny and I spent together， she wasnt family. For one， she was rarely in the same room with my mom and dad， choosing to stay in her bedroom while we lounged in the living room. Auntie Zeny didnt join us for meals， either， eating instead in the kitchen， at a small table affixed to the washing machine. I remember lingering around the kitchen and wondering why she ate alone. She would give me a motherly smile and motion me back to the dining room. They are your parents; I am not， was the point she seemingly wanted to make clear. Although I vaguely knew that she had four children of her own， I didnt think to ask about them.

盡管塞尼阿姨和我度過了這么久的時(shí)光，她也不算家庭的一員。一是她很少和我爸媽在同一個(gè)房間。當(dāng)我們?cè)诳蛷d消閑時(shí)，她都選擇在自己臥室待著。塞尼阿姨也不和我們一起吃飯，她都是在廚房吃，洗衣機(jī)旁給她搭了個(gè)小桌子。我還記得我在廚房里徘徊，好奇她為什么不和我們一起吃。她會(huì)對(duì)我慈愛地笑一笑，讓我回到餐廳去，好像要讓我明白：他們是你父母，我不是。我隱隱約約知道她有4個(gè)自己的孩子，但我也從沒想問起過。

It was hard for me to view her as anything but a second mother， though. From time to time， my real mother talked to Auntie Zeny about not completing certain chores properly， and my mother would wonder why I always defended her.

但我很難不把她當(dāng)成我第二個(gè)媽媽。我媽媽偶爾和塞尼阿姨說什么家務(wù)沒做好時(shí)，我總是站在塞尼阿姨這邊，維護(hù)她，這讓媽媽感覺奇怪。

In the hours before my parents came home from work， Auntie Zeny would take the chopping boards to the dining table and listen to me complain about classmates， friends and homework. As she worked her way through the choy sum and gai lan （vegetables she knew I liked）， she would give advice in the form of Biblical quotes and Christian parables. Meanwhile， all her kids had to crowd around the phone once a week， fighting to hear their mothers voice， knowing the international calling card could expire any minute and cut them off.

我父母下班回家前的幾個(gè)小時(shí)里，塞尼阿姨會(huì)把切菜板搬到餐桌上，聽我抱怨同學(xué)、朋友和家庭作業(yè)。她手上收拾著她知道我喜歡吃的菜心和芥藍(lán)，嘴上為我的抱怨提出建議，都是《圣經(jīng)》語錄和基督教寓言。她在我家期間，她的幾個(gè)孩子則每周一次擠到電話旁，爭先恐后地想聽下媽媽的聲音，他們知道國際電話卡隨時(shí)都可能過期斷線。

The rare times I saw her acts of love for these faraway children were during our monthly trips to a Western Union1 branch—where I remember whining about the wait as Auntie Zeny stood in line， cheque book in hand—or whenever I watched her seal a shipping box overstuffed with soaps， snacks and other sundries to send home. As a kid， I had a hunch about what she was doing， but it was only years later that I realized how significant these moments were for her.

我們每月去西聯(lián)分公司匯款時(shí)，塞尼阿姨排在隊(duì)里，手里拿著支票本（給孩子們匯錢），因等候太久，我連聲抱怨；還有每當(dāng)我看到她把塞滿肥皂、零食和其他雜物的運(yùn)輸箱密封起來寄回家的時(shí)候，這些是我少有的幾次看到她對(duì)遠(yuǎn)方孩子表達(dá)愛意。作為孩子，我對(duì)她正在做的事有直覺，但直到多年后我才意識(shí)到這些時(shí)刻對(duì)她而言是多么重要。

Even after leaving Hong Kong in 2015 to attend high school in the United States， and eventually university in Canada， I still found myself thinking about Auntie Zeny. I knew I was on her mind， too—she continued sending me birthday wishes on Facebook， asking how my parents were doing and forwarding me a deluge of word art embedded with Biblical quotes.

我2015年離開了香港，去美國讀高中，最后去加拿大讀大學(xué)，但我發(fā)現(xiàn)自己仍然牽掛著塞尼阿姨。我知道她也在牽掛著我，因?yàn)樗磕甓荚谀槙献Ｎ疑湛鞓罚儐栁腋改傅那闆r，或者給我轉(zhuǎn)發(fā)一大段含有《圣經(jīng)》格言的藝術(shù)字。

Id thought that， after Auntie Zeny retired， she would leave us behind as she finally got to parent her own children. But in December 2019， when I was 22， I visited her house in the Philippines and was surprised to see that her living room was plastered with relics from my childhood. These included a foam Mufasa2 with its head half severed and a stained Santa Claus refrigerator magnet that used to hang on our fridge door.

我曾以為塞尼阿姨退休后，會(huì)把我們拋在腦后，終于可以照顧自己的孩子了。但2019年12月，22歲的我去拜訪她在菲律賓的家時(shí)驚訝地看到她的客廳里貼滿我童年的點(diǎn)點(diǎn)滴滴，有一個(gè)泡沫橡膠做的木法沙，頭被截掉了一半，有我們?cè)?jīng)貼在冰箱上的圣誕老人冰箱貼，已經(jīng)污跡斑斑。

During that visit， I also met some of her kids， now adults. I expected， perhaps due to my lingering guilt for having taken time away from their mom for all those years， to be greeted with animosity. But they spoiled me， serving me big portions at every shared meal—the love language of Filipinos— and monitoring my bowls of stir-fry noodles to make sure I got seconds.

那次拜訪，我還見到了她的幾個(gè)孩子，現(xiàn)在已經(jīng)長大成人了。也許我還殘留著負(fù)罪感，我本以為會(huì)被敵視，因?yàn)槲野哉剂怂麄儖寢屵@么多年。但他們卻都很寵愛我，每頓飯都讓我吃很多——這是菲律賓人表達(dá)愛意的方式，還一直關(guān)注著我的炒面，好讓我再吃一碗。

Then in January 2020， I flew to Alberta， where Auntie Zenys daughter lives with her husband and their two young boys. She had spent a few years staying with my family in Hong Kong， helping her mom out around our home， starting when I was a kid and she was in her 20s. Now that I was an adult， I wanted to get to know her better. Id never really understood how she and her siblings related to their mother after spending so much time apart， nor do I think I will ever truly grasp what they had to go through without their mom by their side.

然后，2020年1月，我飛到了艾伯塔。塞尼阿姨的女兒女婿一家就住在那，他們有兩個(gè)小兒子。她曾經(jīng)在香港在我們家住過幾年，幫她媽媽在我們家干活，那時(shí)我還是個(gè)孩子，她20多歲。現(xiàn)在我已經(jīng)長大成人，我想進(jìn)一步了解她。他們姐弟和母親分開這么久之后，和母親的關(guān)系是什么樣，我從來沒有真正理解過；沒有母親陪伴，他們又經(jīng)歷了什么，我想我也不會(huì)真的理解。

“What did you know about me when you were young？” I asked her. The question had been on my mind for years.

我問她：“你小時(shí)候?qū)ξ伊私舛嗌倌?？”這是我多年來一直想問的問題。

“That she took care of you day and night，” she replied. I smiled awkwardly， not quite sure what to say.

她回答說：“知道我媽媽日夜照顧你?！蔽覍擂蔚匦α诵Γ恢涝撜f什么。

As she and I talked， her two boys playfully ran around us. She swiftly reeled them in， and they obediently sat on the couch. Her manner exuded sternness and a deep bond with her kids. Similar moments played out throughout my stay， and I could see that she was determined to spend every moment with her two boys. I was relieved to know she did not have to leave home for extended periods of time to guarantee a good life for her kids， a choice many Filipinos have to make.

我們聊天時(shí)，她的兩個(gè)兒子在我們周圍跑鬧。她迅速地把他們拉過來，他們乖乖地坐在了沙發(fā)上。她的舉動(dòng)透露著嚴(yán)厲，也透露著和孩子們的深厚感情。我待在那里時(shí)，多次看到這樣的情景。我看得出，她想要和孩子們度過每一分每一秒。我松了口氣，她不必像許多菲律賓人不得不做的那樣，為了給孩子們提供更好的生活而長期離家。

It also reminded me of Auntie Zenys propensity to share love unconditionally.

這也讓我想到塞尼阿姨總是無條件地給予愛。

My parents periodically send Auntie Zeny a small stipend. For years I thought it was simply a way to thank her for all those hours she spent cooking and cleaning. But as I grew older， I began to understand why my parents harboured a deep sense of gratitude for her imprint on my emotional and moral development. Indeed， the most valuable lesson Auntie Zeny taught me was the one she imparted by example： to recognize that great things are done in small acts.

我父母會(huì)定期給塞尼阿姨寄一小筆津貼。這么多年來，我一直以為只是為了感謝她花這么長時(shí)間做飯和打掃衛(wèi)生。但隨著我年齡的增長，我開始理解我的父母為什么對(duì)她懷有這么深的感激，因?yàn)樗谖业那楦泻偷赖鲁砷L中留下了深深的烙印。誠然，塞尼阿姨教給我最寶貴的教益是她以身作則給出的：知道偉大之事見于點(diǎn)點(diǎn)滴滴。

1西聯(lián)是國際匯款公司，世界上領(lǐng)先的特快匯款公司，迄今已有150年的歷史。

2 木法沙是華特迪士尼的動(dòng)畫片《獅子王》中的角色，榮耀國國王，主角辛巴的父親。