隨著2008年奧運(yùn)會(huì)的日益臨近,如何度過(guò)奧運(yùn)會(huì)舉辦的日子成了廣大中學(xué)生議論的話題。閱讀下表內(nèi)容,寫一篇短文,介紹一下你將如何度過(guò)奧運(yùn)會(huì)舉辦的日子。
學(xué)習(xí)習(xí)作(王寰 呼和特市第十四中學(xué)高二?六班)
Now the 2008 Olympic Games are around the corner. How to spend the days when the Olympic Games are held? Here is my plan to① it.
First, if possible, I will try to watch the live broadcasts of some events that I like mostly②, such as table tennis matches, football matches and swimming competitions. Besides, I also will③know about the results of other events with④ watching some introduction programmes.
So as to⑤ treasure the information about the performance of the Chinese athletes, I will type all the grades of them into my computer. In addition, I will offer to introduce the development of the 2008 Olympic Games and how the Chinese athletes try to win medals to my parents, my neighbours and other citizens. At the same time, I will write articles for our school newspaper in praise for⑥ all the athletes for they struggle⑦ to win medals.
修改說(shuō)明:①“……的計(jì)劃”應(yīng)表達(dá)為…plan for,因此to應(yīng)改為for。 ②“最喜歡……”應(yīng)表達(dá)為like…most,因此mostly應(yīng)改為most。③also應(yīng)放在助動(dòng)詞后面,所以also will應(yīng)改為will also。④此處表示通過(guò)抽象手段,因此with應(yīng)改為by。⑤So as to不可置于句首,因此應(yīng)改為In order to。⑥“贊揚(yáng)……”應(yīng)表達(dá)為in praise of,因此for應(yīng)改為of。⑦for為介詞,后面應(yīng)接動(dòng)名詞,因此they struggle應(yīng)改為their struggling。
點(diǎn)評(píng):本篇書(shū)面表達(dá)習(xí)作為未來(lái)計(jì)劃介紹文。小作者根據(jù)寫作要求從觀看奧運(yùn)會(huì)直播節(jié)目、記錄中國(guó)運(yùn)動(dòng)員比賽情況、宣傳奧運(yùn)會(huì)有關(guān)內(nèi)容等角度表達(dá)文意,文章要點(diǎn)齊全,內(nèi)容完整,條理清楚,層次分明,整體美感較強(qiáng)。First, Besides, In addition, At the same time等過(guò)渡性詞匯的使用使文章敘述更全面、行文更連貫、邏輯更嚴(yán)密。定語(yǔ)從句、條件狀語(yǔ)從句、such as列舉句型等高級(jí)表達(dá)方式的運(yùn)用使文章表達(dá)手段更多,表達(dá)效果更好,有力提升了文章的表達(dá)檔次。然而美中不足的是,本文存在一些語(yǔ)言表達(dá)方面的錯(cuò)誤,如介詞錯(cuò)誤、易混詞誤用錯(cuò)誤、詞序錯(cuò)誤、易混短語(yǔ)誤用錯(cuò)誤、短語(yǔ)搭配錯(cuò)誤、非謂語(yǔ)動(dòng)詞錯(cuò)誤,表明作者表達(dá)能力還有較大的上升空間。不過(guò),從總體上講,本文仍屬一篇成功之作,值得廣大讀者借鑒。
范文:Now the 2008 Olympic Games are around the corner. How to spend the days when the Olympic Games are held? Here is my plan for it.
First, if possible, I will try to watch the live broadcasts of some events that I like most, such as table tennis matches, football matches and swimming competitions. Besides, I will also know about the results of other events by watching some introduction programmes.
In order to treasure the information about the performance of the Chinese athletes, I will type all the grades of them into my computer. In addition, I will offer to introduce the development of the 2008 Olympic Games and how the Chinese athletes try to win medals to my parents, my neighbours and other citizens. At the same time, I will write articles for our school newspaper in praise of all the athletes for their struggling to win medals.