特約撰稿人_Brian 編輯_如是觀 設計_李陽

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《紐約時報》年度精選文書到底好在哪？

特約撰稿人_Brian 編輯_如是觀 設計_李陽

美國大學對申請文書要求繁多，字數、主題等五花八門的要求往往令中國申請者頭疼，很多同學閉門造車良久，卻依然沒有摸到門道。頂尖大學究竟青睞怎樣富有深度和個性特點的優(yōu)秀文書呢？作為慣例，《紐約時報》每年都會挑選并刊登美國大學優(yōu)秀申請文書，棒呆留學從申請角度對這些范文進行了深入剖析，并對文書的寫作提供了建議，給眼下正在為文書煩惱的學生一些啟發(fā)。

My Dell hid my privilege and my Mac hid my financial need（戴爾和Mac，特權和財務需求之爭）（原文刊載于《紐約時報》2017.5.13）

原文

The most exciting part was the laptop.

最讓人興奮的部分是那臺筆記本電腦。

My mom grabbed the thick envelope out of my hands and read off the amenities associated with the Tang Scholarship to Phillips Academy: full tuition for all four years, a free summer trip, $20 a week for me to spend on all the Cheetos and nail polish my heart desired, and finally, a free laptop.

母親從我手上奪過那個厚厚的信封，念出菲利普斯學院唐氏獎學金能給我?guī)淼暮锰帲赫哪甑膶W費，一次免費夏季旅行，每周給我20美元，讓我可以買我想要的奇多和指甲油，還有，一臺免費的筆記本電腦。

I had never had a computer of my own before, and to me the prospect symbolized a world of new possibilities. I was the only student from my public middle school I knew to ever go to an elite boarding school, and it felt like being invited into a selective club. My first week at Andover, dazed by its glamour and newness, I fought my way to the financial aid office to pick up the laptop; I sent my mom a photo of me grinning and clutching the cardboard box. Back in my dorm room, I pulled out my prize, a heavy but functional Dell, and marveled at its sleek edges, its astonishing speed.

之前我從來沒有擁有過屬于自己的電腦，對我來說，這象征著一個充滿全新可能性的世界。據我所知，我是我那個公立中學唯一一個去精英寄宿學校上學的學生，這感覺像是受到一個精英俱樂部的邀請。我在安多佛的第一個星期，它的光芒和新奇使我覺得眼花繚亂，我好不容易找到經濟資助辦公室，領到了我的筆記本電腦；我還發(fā)給我媽一張拿著紙箱咧嘴大笑的照片?；氐轿业乃奚?，我取出我的獎勵，一臺很重但有許多功能的戴爾，并驚嘆于它光滑的線條和驚人的處理速度。

But the love story of my laptop came clamoring to a halt. In the library, as I stumbled to negotiate a space to fit in, I watched my friends each pull out a MacBook. Each was paper-thin and seemingly weightless. And mine, heavy enough to hurt my back and constantly sighing like a tired dog, was distinctly out of place. My laptop, which I had thought was my

作者：Z?eSottile 高中：Phillips Academy Andover 目標院校: Columbia Universityticket to the elite world of Andover, actually gave me away as the outsider I was.

但是我對戴爾的愛卻戛然而止。在圖書館，當我笨拙地想找個地方坐下來，我看到我的每個朋友都拿出了一臺MacBook。每一個都薄如紙片，看起來十分輕盈。而我的戴爾呢，立刻顯得格格不入起來，重的好似能拖垮我的背，還像一只累壞的狗那樣不停發(fā)出聲響。本來我以為這臺戴爾是我通向安多佛精英世界的入場券，但實際上卻暴露了我是個外來者的事實。

For a long time, this was the crux of my Andover experience: always an outsider. When I hung out with wealthier friends, I was disoriented by how different their lives were from mine. While they spent summers in Prague or Paris, I spent mine mining the constellation of thrift stores around New Haven. The gap between fullscholarship and full-pay felt insurmountable.

很長一段時間內，這一直是我在安多佛體驗中的一大難題：總是作為一個局外人。當我和比我有錢的朋友出去閑逛，我都能看到他們的生活和我的生活有多不同，這讓我感覺不知所措。當他們整個暑假都在布拉格或者巴黎度假時，我在紐黑文附近的眾多二手商店淘著舊貨。全額獎學金和全自費之間的差距感覺無法跨越。

But I also felt like an outsider going to meetings for the full-scholarship affinity group. My parents attended college and grew up wealthier than I did, giving me cultural capital many of my fullscholarship friends never had access to. Moreover, I’m white and could afford occasional concert tickets or sparkly earrings. The laptop, carried by all full-scholarship students and coded with hidden meanings, pivoted my friends’ understandings of me. At home, I grew up middle class, then became the privileged prep school girl. But at Andover, suddenly, I was poor. Trying to reconcile these conflicting identities, I realized how complex and mutable class is. My class is connected to my parents’ income, but it’s also rooted in cultural knowledge and objects that are charged with greater meaning.

氣象導航誕生于20世紀50年代，發(fā)展到今天，已經成為一門學科。實踐也證明氣象導航明顯地提高了船舶航行的安全性，其主要表現在以下幾個方面：

但是，就算去參加面向全獎生的活動，我依舊感覺自己像個局外人。我的父母上過大學，他們生長的家庭條件也比我好，這給了我一些和我一樣拿全額獎學金的朋友從來沒有的文化資本。此外，我是個白人，能夠負擔偶爾去聽演唱會和買亮閃閃耳飾的費用。全獎生都擁有的那臺被賦予隱含意義的戴爾筆記本，支撐起了我朋友對我的解讀。在家里，我生長于中產階級，然后還成為了幸運的預科生。但是在安多佛，突然我就變成了窮人。在試圖協調這些矛盾的身份定位過程中，我意識到了，階級這個東西是如何的復雜易變。我的階級和我父母的收入有關，但它也根植于文化知識和那些被賦予了更宏大意義的事物中。

Which brings me back to the laptop: in the middle of my senior fall, my exhausted Dell broke and I couldn’t afford another. When I managed to borrow a slim Mac from my school, I felt the walls around me reorient. I hoped that now I wouldn’t have to think about the electric web of privilege and power every time I sent an email. Instead, I felt a new anxiety: I worried when I sat in the magnificent dining hall with my beautiful computer that I had lost an important part of my identity.

后來發(fā)生了一件事又讓我的注意力回到這臺筆記本：在高三的秋天，我那近乎報廢的戴爾終于用壞了，我又沒錢再買一臺。當我成功從學校借了一臺輕薄的Mac筆記本時，我感覺我周圍的世界再次改變了。我那時希望，今后每當我發(fā)電郵時，不需要去考慮那張?zhí)貦嗪蜋嗔Φ碾娮泳W。但是，我卻感到了一種新的焦慮：我擔心，當我?guī)е移恋墓P記本坐在華麗的食堂時，我就已經丟失了自己身份的一個重要部分。

When I started at Andover, these constant dueling tensions felt like a trap: like I would never be comfortable anywhere. (The school sensed it too, and all full-financial aid students now receive MacBooks.) But maybe it’s the opposite of a trap. Maybe I’m culturally ambidextrous, as comfortableintroducing a speaker on the stage of Andover’s century-old chapel as getting my nose pierced in a tattoo parlor in New Haven. My hyperawareness of how my Dell hid my privilege and how my Mac hid my financial need pushed me to be aware of what complicated stories were hiding behind my classmates’seemingly simple facades. I am a fullscholarship student who benefits from cultural, socioeconomic and racial privilege: my story isn’t easy, but it’s still mine.

當我剛到安多佛時，這些不停歇的緊張狀態(tài)就像一個陷阱：待在哪里都無法自在（學校也有同感，現在所有全獎生拿到的都是MacBook了）。但是可能這又走向了完全不同的另一種陷阱?；蛟S我在文化身份上是自由靈活的，站在安多佛百年禮堂的舞臺介紹演講者時，或在紐黑文的紋身店穿鼻環(huán)，我都是舒服自在的。我清楚地知道，戴爾筆記本掩蓋了我的特權，Mac則掩蓋了我的財務需要，這迫使我意識到，那掩藏在同學看起來簡單的外表下，所存在的復雜故事。我是個受益于文化、社會經濟和種族特權的全獎生：我的故事并不容易，但它依舊是我自己的故事。

Brian點評

這是一篇立足于“不平等性和階級差異問題”的文章，在2017年的4篇范文中，這是第2篇類似題材。

雖然作者年齡尚小，如此結構性問題對她而言比較宏大，但可貴的是，她并沒有在行文中流露出自怨自艾、逃避或者不滿于現實的情緒，相反，她特別客觀而勇敢地帶領讀者一起踏上了對自身階級認知的旅途，這是一個出色的嘗試，尤其是她對自身處境感到自豪的結論，令人印象深刻，不落俗 套。

這篇文章中，作者運用了一個非常重要的寫作技巧，那就是“主題重現”。無論是戴爾還是蘋果電腦的反復出現，都在不經意間讓讀者與早期的故事情節(jié)聯系起來，并幫助讀者從中聯想到不平等的概念。這是一種非常有用的文學技巧，它有助于將抽象的觀點具象化，引發(fā)讀者共鳴，對本文的成功功不可沒。

當然，即便這篇文章有非常多的特點和成功之處，它所存在的問題也是顯而易見的：作者過于強調社會和經濟地位，未能進一步展示和挖掘她的個人技能或者成長因素。除了階級認知外，文章似乎并未提及她自身的學習和進步。如果站在成年人的角度來看，以擁有和朋友不同的電腦型號，來概括和總結描述她青年時代的成見，似乎顯得有些幼稚或者簡單粗暴（我們很容易舉出不少反例，例如精英人士使用戴爾，非富裕階層使用蘋果等，在中國這樣的例子可能更多）。

此外，作為一個比較敏感的話題，提高自己“階級認知”作為本文的立意雖然特別并能吸引眼球，但如果把握稍有不當，很容易被誤解為簡單的青少年嫉妒心理。

瑕不遮瑜，這篇文章的主題還是頗有巧思，文章帶有非常個人化的視角和客觀正面的思考，令人印象深刻。