陳碎仍

從讀后續(xù)寫的評分細則中我們可以了解到，閱卷時，評卷老師關(guān)注的主要有以下四個方面：

（1）續(xù)寫文段與所給短文及段落開頭語的銜接程度;

（2）內(nèi)容的豐富性;

（3）應(yīng)用語法結(jié)構(gòu)和詞匯的豐富性和準確性;

（4）上下文的連貫性。

對此，我們在構(gòu)思后續(xù)故事情節(jié)時，應(yīng)重點考慮如下5點：

1. 明確續(xù)寫內(nèi)容的敘述意圖和主題。其須以已給閱讀材料的敘述意圖和主題為中心。

2. 合理構(gòu)思后續(xù)故事的發(fā)展。其須以表現(xiàn)社會主義核心價值觀為準繩。

3. 厘清已給短文的故事要素及人物的情感變化，挖掘續(xù)寫故事的新沖突及其相應(yīng)解決方案。好的故事續(xù)寫同樣遵循講故事的黃金拋物線原則，即首先設(shè)定情景，而后進入話題，而后引發(fā)沖突，而后進入高潮，最終解決問題。其中厘清故事沖突的不斷升級是推動故事向前發(fā)展的關(guān)鍵。而讀后續(xù)寫的兩個段落均是對應(yīng)整個故事的高潮與解決問題兩個部分。因此，厘清已給短文的沖突及其解決方案，明確故事沖突的升級走向，才能給續(xù)寫文段的內(nèi)容發(fā)展指明方向。

4. 研讀段落開頭語，尋找其與已給短文的呼應(yīng)情節(jié)。故事續(xù)寫是已給短文的后續(xù)，而段落開頭語與已給短文的呼應(yīng)，是架起已知故事與新故事的橋梁，是已知故事與新故事融洽與銜接的粘合劑。

5. 落實續(xù)寫段落的第一個句子與相應(yīng)段落開頭語之間的合理銜接，及句子與句子之間在詞匯方面的呼應(yīng)、發(fā)展與過渡，實現(xiàn)語篇句子間意義的推進。

下面我們一篇模擬題為例，首先，厘清故事的情景設(shè)定、人物（包括人物關(guān)系）、已給短文的敘述意圖和主題、人物情感變化、各情節(jié)沖突及其解決方案等。其次，挖掘續(xù)寫文段開頭語隱藏的新矛盾及兩個段落間的過渡銜接問題。

閱讀下面短文，根據(jù)所給情節(jié)進行續(xù)寫，使之構(gòu)成一個完整的故事。

A friend of mine whose name was John Smith had a bad memory， which made him famous. He was so forgetful that he sometimes forgot what he was talking about in the middle of a sentence. His wife had to constantly remind him about his meetings， his classes—even his meals！Once he forgot he had eaten breakfast twice， at home and at school. His wife liked to remind her neighbors，“If John didnt have his head tied on， he would forget that too！”Since Smith was a professor at a well-known university， his forgetfulness was often an embarrassment to him. It wasnt that he was not clever， as some critical people tended to say， but just very absent-minded.

One hot summer day， Professor Smith decided to take his children to a seaside town about a three-hour train ride away. To make the trip more interesting for his young children， he kept the name of the town a secret. However， by the time they arrived at the station， Smith forgot the name of the town he was planning to visit. Luckily， a friend of his happened to be in the station. He offered to take care of the children while Smith hurried back home to find out where he was going.

The professors wife was surprised to see him again so soon.

“Oh， my dear， I forgot the name of the town.”

“What？ You forgot the name？ Maybe one day you will forget my name！Now I'll write the name of that town on a piece of paper， and you put it in your pocket and please， please dont forget where you put it.”

Satisfied that she had solved the problem， she sent her husband off again. Ten minutes later she was astonished to see him outside the house for the third time.

Paragraph 1：

“What is the matter now？”asked his wife. ______________

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Paragraph 2：

Hearing the cry， out rushed their neighbors， trying to find out what had happened._____________________________________

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現(xiàn)將該篇寫作題的相關(guān)信息梳理如下：

基于以上所有信息，再結(jié)合“以表現(xiàn)社會主義核心價值觀為準繩”這一要求，我們可以合理設(shè)計如下后續(xù)故事情節(jié)：

Mr. Smith的健忘癥（忘了將孩子落在哪兒了）令沖突再次升級，并令其妻子情緒失控？圯后通過幫忙照顧孩子的朋友的來電，知道了孩子所在車站？圯最終安全接回孩子或最終他們的旅游得以圓滿進行。

作者以此續(xù)寫構(gòu)思為基礎(chǔ)，給出以下參考范文，其中結(jié)局給出了兩個不同版本。

Possible versions ：

“What is the matter now？”asked his wife.“I am afraid that I have lost the piece of paper you gave and have no idea of where I am going on such a hot summer day，”replied the professor. However， Mrs. Smith quickly sensed something wrong because Mr. Smith hung his head low with his eyes blinking while talking. “Tell me the truth，”ordered his wife.“As you told me， I do remember where I put the name of the town， but I forget the station where I left our children！”murmured the professor， wringing his hands together.“What a bad memory！”shouted his wife.

Hearing the cry， out rushed their neighbors， trying to find out what had happened. A fight between the couple was about to start when the professors cell phone began to ring. His friend， whose patience had worn thin， phoned to complain. The professor apologized， jumped into his car and drove away， leaving his wife and neighbors confused outside the house. Being afraid that he would make matters worse again， Mrs. Smith called a taxi and followed him. Fortunately， the children were finally taken back home safe and sound.（ending 1）/ The professor apologized and promised to be back soon. To avoid another similar unexpected situation， Mrs. Smith decided to join in their trip. Fortunately， they reached the seaside town smoothly and had a good time together.（ending 2）

這篇習作的主題與已給短文的主題一致，突出了Mr. Smith 健忘癥的嚴重性，且故事情節(jié)符合人物性格特點及客觀邏輯。第一段中“恐怕我把你給我的紙條弄丟了，我不知道在如此炎炎夏日究竟要前往何處。”與原文的妻子將小鎮(zhèn)的名字寫在紙條上的情節(jié)契合、融洽度高。然其低垂著頭，眼神閃爍讓其妻意識到情況的不對勁。在妻子的逼問下，最終道出實情：忘了將孩子落在哪個車站了，從而令妻子怒不可遏。這些都合情合理，其中尤其對Mr. Smith在該情形下心虛的動作、神情描寫惟妙惟肖。最后一句話“‘What a bad memory！ shouted his wife.”，shouted一詞與第二段首句中的“cry”自然銜接。第二段中夫妻倆因為孩子的問題，矛盾一觸即發(fā)。此時話鋒一轉(zhuǎn)，耐心被孩子消磨全無的朋友來電抱怨，使孩子的安全回歸或原旅游計劃的圓滿結(jié)束，都變得順理成章。

另外習作中使用了豐富的詞匯。如：

sense， hung his head low， with his eyes blinking， murmured， patience had worn thin， safe and sound等。

多種語法結(jié)構(gòu)的運用也非常豐富：

①with復合結(jié)構(gòu) + V-ing做時間狀語：

Mr. Smith hung his head low with his eyes blinking while talking.

②as方式狀語 + do加謂語動詞的強調(diào)句型（含賓語從句）+ 并列句（含定語從句）：

As you told me， I do remember where I put the name of the town， but I forget the station where I left our children;

③ be about to do when ... 句型：

A fight between the couple was about to start when the professors cell phone began to ring.

④并列省略句+V-ing做結(jié)果狀語：

The professor apologized， jumped into his car and drove away， leaving his wife and neighbors confused outside the house.

⑤V-ing做原因狀語：

Being afraid that he would make matters worse again， Mrs. Smith called a taxi and followed him.

責任編輯 蔣小青