丹尼爾·加利夫/文　商裴裴/譯

I was a guest in the palatial country cottage of a Russian Countess while certain financial puzzles were being teased apart in London. A simple rest cure for overtaxed nerves necessitated that I force myself to swallow prescriptions of sea air， the Bolshoi1 Ballet， and breakfasts in bed of poached2 Fabergé eggs.

我在俄羅斯一位伯爵夫人富麗堂皇的鄉(xiāng)村別墅里做客，當時在倫敦還有一些財務問題尚未厘清。要通過簡單的休息調整來舒緩過度緊張的神經，我必須強迫自己大口呼吸海邊的空氣，觀看大劇院芭蕾舞團的演出，賴在床上把水煮彩蛋當早飯吃。

And yet this afternoon I was not reposing3 in the pedicured garden of the Countesss villa， but stumbling through the woods of a hairy little mountain known locally as the Czars Pate with Alois， another of the Countesss guests. The artless architectural painter had been at the villa an unknown duration longer than I， and it is not impossible that the Countess recommended our excursion for her own sake rather than ours—but to suspect that sweet old lady of such shrewdness4 would suggest a Slavic capacity for torture at a degree not recognized since Ivan the Terrible.

不過今天下午，我沒在伯爵夫人的花園里歇著放松雙腳，而是深一腳淺一腳走在了山林之間。這座小山草木疏疏朗朗，當地人稱之為“沙皇的腦瓜”。與我同行的名叫阿洛伊斯，是一位單純直率的畫家，專畫建筑物。他也是伯爵夫人的客人，不知何時來到別墅的，反正比我早。伯爵夫人提議我們結伴遠足可能純粹是為了她自己，根本不是為我倆考慮。但如果認定這一切都是這位善良老太太精心策劃的，那她折磨人的能力真是堪比斯拉夫人，自暴君伊凡四世之后尚無人能敵。

The sun in her splendour shone her radiant face on all creation， thawing5 frozen lakes and misers6 hearts， nursing the winter wheat from the sleeping soil， turning the marigolds heads in humble worship， and turning the back of my neck to roast beef. Because I had once stolen a newspaper from my neighbor at the London Rhopalic Club， or some other indiscretion7 remembered only by my personal devil， my guide possessed， and shamelessly abused， a small Czech accordion which apparently permitted only two different tunes—“Ach， Du Lieber Augustin” was the first， and the second， to quote Aloiss toothy witticism， “isnt.”

奪目的太陽光芒四射，普照萬物，融化了冰封的湖面和不幸之人的內心，滋養(yǎng)了扎根在尚未蘇醒的土壤里的冬小麥，曬得萬壽菊畢恭畢敬地面朝太陽，曬得我后脖頸變成了烤牛肉。難道是因為我以前在倫敦楔形詩俱樂部偷過隔壁的一張報紙，或是其他一些只有我自己知道的齷齪勾當，眼下我這向導就拿著他那把小型捷克手風琴恬不知恥地亂彈一氣折磨我，不過顯然他只會兩首曲子，第一首是《噢，親愛的奧古斯丁》，至于第二首，阿洛伊斯嘴巴一咧，齜著牙，狡黠地說，“不是《噢，親愛的奧古斯丁》?！?/p>

My eyes assaulted by sun， my ears by the screeching squeezebox， and my flesh by the harmonizing gadflies， I cherished my few senses， until those too came under dire. Stopping to rest in a small clearing， Alois withdrew from his hiking pack， like an Israelite priest revealing the Covenant8， a string of smoked herrings for his reeking9 luncheon.

烈日炎炎照得我睜不開眼，手風琴吱嘎怪叫刺痛我的雙耳，連牛虻也嚶嚶嗡嗡地來給配和聲，叮咬著我的皮膚。我想要好好保護僅剩下的嗅覺和味覺，可惜連它們也慘遭不幸。我們在一小塊空地上停下來休息，阿洛伊斯就像一個以色列祭司展示約書一般，從登山包里掏出一串熏鯡魚——他午餐就吃這臭烘烘的東西。

As it happens， I do not care for smoked herrings. As it happens， however， some others do： Alois， for one， and also the Russian brown bear. The latter stumbled in from the bushes at the edge of the clearing like the Red Knight making his grand entrance at a Christmas masque. More than anything， however， the interloper10 possessed an uncanny resemblance to my great-aunt Lady Athanasia， who possesses an ill-fitting fur coat and， after a certain quantity of brandy， lopes almost identically.

而我呢，恰恰不喜歡熏鯡魚；可偏偏呢，有人喜歡：阿洛伊斯算一個；還有一個——就是那只俄羅斯棕熊。它跌跌撞撞地穿過灌木叢，來到我們這片空地的邊緣，那模樣儼然紅騎士閃耀現身圣誕節(jié)化裝舞會。最關鍵的是，這位不速之客居然跟我的姨婆阿薩納西亞夫人驚人地相似。姨婆有一件不合身的裘皮大衣，幾杯白蘭地下肚，她踱著大步走路的樣子活脫脫就像這只棕熊。

The bear peeled11 back its black lips to bare its arsenal12 of teeth the size of chessmen and reared up on its hind legs to the height of a lamppost， looking hugely changed from its relatively benign appearance on the arms stamped on the Countesss letterhead. Even at her most fearsome， as when she discovered the butler13 nipping at the brandy， Aunt Athanasia did not achieve quite this level of ferocity.

嘴唇黑黑的棕熊咧開嘴，露出兇器——棋子一般大小的牙齒，后腿直立，站起身來，足有路燈那么高。伯爵夫人信頭所印紋章上的那只熊看起來很溫和，和眼前這只可是截然不同。而阿薩納西亞姨婆，就算是她最嚇人的時候，也就是她發(fā)現管家偷喝白蘭地的時候，也遠不如這只棕熊這般兇狠。

The protocol for such encounters had been mentioned in passing in a penny novel14 I had once read set in the Canadian frontierland. “Quick！” I hissed to Alois. “If we back calmly out of the clearing together， we run much less risk of setting off the beasts territorial instincts.” （I later realized I may have been thinking of the procedure for pacifying the Klondike Moose， but never- theless I maintain that my plan possessed pedigree.）

我以前讀過一本以加拿大邊境為背景的一便士驚悚小說，其中剛好提到一點關于此類邂逅的應對方案?！翱欤　蔽业吐晫Π⒙逡了拐f。“咱倆一起退出空地，別慌張，就不太會讓這家伙覺得我們要侵犯它的領地。”（后來我才意識到，當時我腦子里想到的那些可能都是用來讓克朗代克駝鹿平靜下來的方法，不過至今我依然堅定地認為自己的辦法不是憑空捏造的。）

There came no reply， and， worried the artist had fainted from fright， I turned just in time to see Aloiss hastily cast-off backpack falling to the earth as he ran at full speed through the clearing and out in an Alois-shaped hole in the shrubs， leaving me to fend for myself.

沒人理我。我擔心那位藝術家嚇暈了，于是回頭朝他看去，剛好看到他倉惶中扔下的背包落向地面，而他本人則開足馬力穿過空地，拱進灌木叢，蜷縮在里面，只留下我一個人孤軍作戰(zhàn)。

Of course， I might have done the same thing had I been favored by fortune with a head start. But I didnt， and a hypothetical insult cannot measure against the reality of one.

當然，我要是被好運眷顧，得以率先開溜，可能也會干出和阿洛伊斯一樣的事。可我沒那么干，而且憑空想出來的傷害可沒法跟真實發(fā)生的相提并論。

Luckily， I had practice standing perfectly still from my days performing competitive tableaux vivants15 on the Ballyhoo quad， and had kept my hand in16 after being sent down by pretending not to be home when the vicar came round for tea. Unlike anything else I had absorbed in my school days， be it Greek or green chartreuse， this talent had not so soon passed from me. By immediately and with immense concentration impersonating the statue of Nelson in Dublin， I aimed to prevent myself having my arm torn off at the shoulder and thus improving the resemblance.

好在以前在巴里胡方場上參加“活人造型”比賽，我就練過靜止站立。后來被開除，我也沒讓自己技藝生疏，教區(qū)牧師一來家里喝茶，我就一動不動，假裝家里沒人。學生時代學過的希臘語很快就忘了，喝過的綠色察吐士酒也早已穿腸而過了，唯獨這項才藝尚未離我而去。我馬上高度集中注意力，扮起了都柏林的納爾遜雕像，我要保住自己的胳膊不被扯掉，才能讓自己和雕像更相似。

After polishing off the string of herrings and investigating my ascot for a petrifying moment， the bear made a contented and leisurely exit into the brush， leaving in his hairy wake all the broken bits and bobs spilt from the mauled rucksack， including Aloiss accordion—which was miraculously intact in the midst of the destruction. I felt a sort of respect for the forthright manner in which the bear pursued his aim， without recourse to half-cloaked intimations and garden-party politics.

這只熊三下兩下把鯡魚吃了個精光，又細細研究了一會兒我的領帶，嚇得我僵在那里，絲毫動彈不得，然后棕熊就心滿意足，優(yōu)哉游哉地往叢林深處走去，可怖的多毛身軀背后留下遍地狼藉，登山包被它撕了個稀巴爛，里面七零八碎的東西都給弄壞了，散了一地。神奇的是，阿洛伊斯的手風琴居然經歷劫難卻完好無損。棕熊不遮遮掩掩地嚇唬人，也不搞花園派對上那一套，它這種直奔主題的做法還真讓我有點肅然起敬。

As Alois had in his haste departed without his pack and thus without the benefit of our map， I set off in a direction I favored for the pleasing coloration of the flowers along the trail. I soon happened upon Alois sitting in a sort of yogic posture at the bottom of a steep run of gravel， holding his right leg and rocking wisely. His grimace seemed as likely to have been out of sheepishness at confronting me whom he abandoned as it was to have been out of physical pain. Like a thorough medic， I gave the limb a few trial blows to be certain.

阿洛伊斯逃得慌忙，沒帶走背包，結果我現在也沒地圖可用了，只好憑感覺，看哪里花兒開得艷，就往哪兒走。不多久，在一段陡峭的石子路下方，我碰上了阿洛伊斯。他坐在那兒，有點像瑜伽的坐姿，抓著右腿煞有介事地搖晃著，他的五官扭做一團，可能是因為疼，也可能是因為遇上被他拋棄的我而窘迫不安。我儼然一個高明的大夫，必然要給他檢查檢查，對著他那條腿一頓敲打。

“Ah！ Careful， chap！ I twisted my leg.”

“??！小心！伙計！我腿扭傷了。”

“I might have gotten devoured！”

“我差點就被吃了！”

“Yes， but you didnt. And a hypothetical injury cannot measure against the reality of one.”

“差點，不是沒有嘛！憑空想出來的傷哪能和真?zhèn)嗵岵⒄?！?/p>

I was forced to admit his argument， and our limping constitutional back to the villa was passed in a bitter， but egalitarian， silence.

我也只得承認他說得沒錯，我倆各自憋著一股怨氣，他不搭理我，我也不搭理他，就這樣我們一路無語，一瘸一拐地返回了別墅。

When I took my leave from that romantic region the following week， holding my handkerchief to my eyes to disguise my lack of tears， Alois had yet to drum up the expense of a new accordion to replace that so callously destroyed by the he-bear.

第二周我就離開了那個浪漫的地方，臨行還掏出手帕擦拭眼角以掩飾自己沒啥眼淚——那會兒，阿洛伊斯還沒湊夠買手風琴的錢，他想買把新的替代被公熊無情毀了的那把。

（譯者為“《英語世界》杯”翻譯大賽獲獎者）

1 = Bolshoi Theatre of Russia莫斯科大彼得羅夫大劇院，簡稱大劇院，是莫斯科有名的芭蕾舞與歌劇劇院。? 2 poach燉，水煮（魚、荷包蛋等）。? 3 repose憩息；臥眠。? 4 shrewdness精明；狡猾。

5 thaw（使）融化；（使）解凍。? 6 miser守財奴；吝嗇鬼。? 7 indiscretion輕率，不慎重。? 8 the Covenant上帝和以色列人所立的約。? 9 reek發(fā)出臭味。

10 interloper闖入者。? 11 peel剝去（表層）。? 12 arsenal（一大批）儲備的武器。? 13 butler男管家。? 14 penny novel“一便士驚悚小說”興起于19世紀30年代，最早名叫“一便士流血故事”（penny bloods或penny dreadfuls），起初模仿18世紀晚期哥特故事，講海賊和大盜，后來轉向犯罪和偵探故事。

15 tableau vivant〈法語〉活人造型（指由活人扮演的靜態(tài)畫面、場面或歷史性場景，尤指舞臺造型）。tableaux vivants為復數形式。? 16 keep ones hand in〈習語〉偶爾操練某事以保持熟練。